Sunday, February 23, 2014

one week.

What an amazing whirlwind of a week it has been! There is so much, so much, to say! Right now I want to focus on this incredibly precious little Spirit that has joined our family. He has changed our lives with his precious little heart. One week ago today, last Sunday night, I was still in an altered state of reality, somewhat in shock of what just occurred. No amount of preparation or reading or praying or Hypnobabies or anything else could have prepared me for my natural birthing experience. Words are like a handful of sand thrown into an ocean of feelings and thoughts that can and never will be adequately expressed. And that's okay. I have an incredibly special bond with this little angel who didn't come easy and taught me a lot about myself. He wiggled his way right into my tummy, enjoyed his highly-nutritious placenta, and coyly gave his mama an extra fifty pounds to keep him comfortable for the 41 weeks and five days he spent there.

This little boy of mine has the most peaceful little demeanor. He has a very mild and content temperament, but also has a strength about him and is unusually alert for a baby his age. He had a perfect latch and has nursed like a champion minutes out of the womb and hasn't stopped. He likes to sleep by his mama all night and no where else and I don't mind. The first two nights home I tried to put him back in his bassinet after he nursed and that was not a winning battle. By night three I just accepted it and realized it was actually quite lovely to sleep next to my baby all night. I usually try to sit up and nurse him in the cross-cradle because that's best for babies learning how to nurse, but sometimes we just nurse side-lying and he eats it right up. We get a little sweaty. Who knew it would be miserably hot here in February?!

DISCLAIMER: This is in no way an indicator of real life. We had a family photo shoot on Friday and this was taken then. We don't normally coordinate and naturally look that peaceful and made up. :)
I had to stay at the hospital for two nights due to postpartum hemorrhaging and it felt like days on end. I was so elated to be wheeled out of that hospital and feel the sun on my face on that Tuesday afternoon with my circumcised baby and my non-transfused circulatory system. The first couple days home are kind of a blur of short spans of sleeping intertwined with diaper changes, cord cleaning, not making it to the bathroom (or even close), Symphony bars, headaches, squirt bottles, lovely dinners made by my mama, nursing, cuddling with my new little angel, and an ill-attempt at taking care of a post Mogen-clamp circumcision. I remember looking in the mirror for those few days and being frightened by my dangerously pale and yellowed skin.

Welcome to real life! I did not apply or fix my make-up before any pictures, obviously. I want to portray birthing and motherhood as it is naturally and embrace the beauty in that.

I feel more and more like myself and enjoy my sweet little boys more and more every day. I can't imagine Jude adjusting any better to the addition of a new baby. I'm sure it helps that Mimi has been giving him all the attention I haven't been able to. He loves "Abe!" and likes to help me care for him, but most the time he just does his own thing. He has actually just very naturally become a lot more independent since our little baby came. He spends more time playing alone with his "TRAC-TOR!" that he made out of his wooden train and his other little games he makes up. He has been a little more sensitive lately. The only "tantrum" he threw was when we first tried to put Abraham in his swing. That lasted for about ten minutes and now he has no problem. He is such a sweet little boy and I only love him more now that his brother is here.

much needed Daddy time

The father of the household got a head cold the day we got home from the hospital and wasn't really able to help take care of Abraham at all. He also had missed two tests that Monday and Tuesday and had to make them up on Thursday and Friday so he was so busy studying. That was the hardest part of those first few days home for me. I missed having him by my side because he was right there by me the whole time at the hospital. Thankfully, he has started to feel better and is back to his normal loving, sweet self. I missed him! (He was kind of zombie-like for a few days) It has been one of my greatest joys to see him come into his own as a father and love these babies.

My dear mother. She has kept this family together and we are so grateful to her. She takes care of every meal, all the laundry, all the cleaning, every errand, and every other task we need her to do. She takes care of Jude fully, from his medication routine to his intricate meal/milk preparations (which can be intimidating!). She cares for us not only physically (making me take my foul-tasting Iron supplement), but loves us and takes care of us just like we are her babies.

I am the luckiest girl in the world. I can not imagine being more blessed. I am so grateful to be the wife to an incredibly sweet and faithful husband. I am humbled to be the daughter to the most supportive and loving parents who sacrifice everything for their children. I am brought to my knees in gratitude to be the mother to two absolutely perfect angel babies. I am blessed beyond measure. My overall love, which I thought was already overflowing, has been expounded upon and magnified exponentially. I am happier and more filled with love than I knew I could be. The arrival of Abraham has not only added the enormous, indescribable love I have for him, but because of him, my love for my husband and my precious Jude has grown so much stronger as well.