Thursday, February 5, 2015

They love me.

I just can not even begin to express how grateful I am for my boys. It is unbelievably humbling to be their mother. Motherhood is HARDCORE, people. I understand why Jesus said to be like the little children because they forgive instantly, do not hold grudges, and love unconditionally. How did I get to be so lucky to be both of their favorites? They are definitely mama's boys and I am just smitten by these two. These last few days have been stressful and unfortunately I have not been handling it as well as I wish I had. I have been impatient and definitely not as loving as they deserve! At one point, I grabbed Jude and told him I was so sorry and I love him so much. He just said, in the most upbeat, cheerful voice. "It's okay, Mommy! It's okay! I love you!" He was just completely forgiving and it was just the most sincere expression of love. I was so touched by his affection and forgiveness. I prayed and got a little sleep and had a much better day today. (And thank you to my dear husband who made and fed the boys and cleaned up dinner while I went out for a little white.) We have been playing "firemen." Abraham is "Fireman Small" (named after a book from the library). I said to Jude, "since Abraham is Fireman Small, you can be Fireman Tall!" He put his hand out and said, "no, no I'm not fireman tall. I'm medium tall. I'm fireman medium tall." So Abraham is Fireman Small, Jude is Fireman Medium-Tall, Daddy is Fireman Tall, and I'm Firemama." We crawl around the upstairs extinguishing fires and rescuing and treated the injured animals. At one point, I stopped and said, "I'm a little nervous..." And he very dutifully put down his fireman glasses and his hose/ax and grabbed me in the biggest bear hug and reassuringly said, "I'm here. I'm here. You're brave, Mama." My heart just exploded. He has the most incredible little imagination.

He is soo loving and affectionate. I am so lucky. He probably gives me about 20 kisses a day. Like sweet, soft, hold my cheeks kisses. He always wants to be by me or sit on my lap or hold my hand. He has still been a little under the weather so he is extra cuddly and I love it. A few weeks ago we were working on something and he called me honey. Something like, "don't forget this one, honey." It was so funny. And when he is helping Abraham or trying to teach him something, he calls him son. "Come get this piece, son." It's so cute. He'll say, "I Daddy's son, Abraham my son." He says words like "interesting," or "that's hilarious!" Hos memory is still surprising me. The other day I mentioned the Easter Bunny and he recounted in detail the Easter Bunny that they had at our old apartments Easter Party ELEVEN months ago and we have literally not mentioned once since!! He'll tell a story and start with, "The other day...." and then tell all about it, and then say, "When was that?"

The other day Jude grabbed my phone and clicked to make Sori turn on and he asked her, "When's Daddy going to get home?" Siri said, "I do not know who your father is." And Jude said, "It's Dan!!" They both seemed to get a little frazzled after having that same conversation over and over again. Needless to say, Siri was no help! He asks "Why?" About 50-100 times a day (or it feels like it.) the why's snowball and I oftentimes have NO idea what the answer is to his questions. "Why the construction worker moving that dirt? Where are they going to take it? Is there a wrecking ball on that crane? Whee do the construction workers live? Why can't I wear my socks outside? (Because they'll get wet.) Why will they get wet? (Because it's raining.) Why is it raining?" It goes on and on! He is so curious and smart. I love him so.

Abraham is SOMETHING else. We are so obsessed with kissing his soft, chubby cheeks. He is mischievous. He has mastered the stairs and I let him climb up and down them freely at his own will. I always have to keep the bathroom doors closed because, if left open, he will notice in a matter of seconds and book it to the toilet, lift the lid, and splash in the toilet water. He knows he is not supposed to do it and if caught in the act, he will stop and smile! When I'm reading to Jude for bedtime, I let him roam around and he will usually stay upstairs. The other day it had been a minute since I'd heard him so I went to look for him. He was all the way downstairs with his tummy on Judes tall Radio Flyer tricycle holding onto the handrails ringing the bell (over the tile). I can not leave the bike out or the kitchen stool. He is a climber and a good one! He is impressive balance and rarely falls. He surprised me a few weeks ago when I was holding him about to do a breathing treatment (croup scare) and he attempted to put the mouthpiece of the nebulizer into the canister part. Who knew?! He can (messily) feed himself with a spoon. He tries so hard to put blocks together and will be there in no time. He waves. He holds the phone up to his face to talk. He gives strawberries and will wrestle and go "aahhh" and attack you with big kisses if we are playing. He has the most scrumptious round little bottom and a close-up picture of it is the background on my phone. He LOVES the tub and has absolutely no fear. He will reach up to the shelf I thought he surely could not reach and grab the baby shampoo and be on his tip toes. He will climb and slop and slide and fall full-face under the water and pop himself right back up without flinching.

Tonight I was changing his diaper for bed and I didn't even notice he was holding Jude's water bottle. He was being extra quiet and less-squirmy and I noticed he was "taking sips" and pouring cold water all over himself. I let him for a while then after he was getting all wet I grabbed it to take it away. When I grabbed it a forceful stream SHOT out at him and sprayed him with a long stream of water right in the open eyeball. He did not flinch or whine or cry in the least. I got a good belly laugh out of that one! He loves musical instruments and will grab the kazoo and sing into it and then put it my mouth and have me sing then take his turn, then mine, and this will go on and on. He LOVES eating and it seems like he is always hungry.he has always been a garbage disposal and within the last few weeks has become more picky. Don't you dare let him see a banana without giving him one or he will have a full-fledged tantrum. "Nana! Nana!" Was one of his first words at 6.5 months old!! Jude will feed him sometimes and it is the most precious thing. Jude is such a sweet big brother and really looks out for Abraham. Abraham is definitely feisty and holds his own and will randomly hit Jude and pull his hair and it is obviously intentional! I used to say, "it's okay, Jude, babies don't know." But we're getting to the point where he definitely knows! Now Jude always says, "It's okay. Babies don't know..." For all sorts of things (like splashing in the toilet.) and now for cats and dogs and whatever else. "it's okay, Mommy. Cats don't know." Jude always recounts things that happen and he tells them in GREAT detail. It is very impressive. "I woke up. I called for Mommy. Mommy came in. I smiled at Mommy. Mommy grabbed me. Mommy asked me how was my night. I said I slept good. We came downstairs..." 

They are starting to play together more and more and it is so fun. They love their little red car and sometimes will push from behind while the other one rides.

Like I said, being their mother is so humbling. I love them so much and although I fall short, I'm trying harder to be a better mother every day. This is the hardest job, but I wouldn't change it for anything.