tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62030211010209629352024-03-13T10:15:44.152-07:002000&peachAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.comBlogger557125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-10595817493953587022019-04-27T11:33:00.000-07:002019-04-27T11:33:25.540-07:00the tornado- my story<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3kggu91299asINtqoiMuBVxGC6MjIKH5RjZOpJlo4HBnyk3i1e-8rwfQe1VbzGKSTEFWjOwl9BWZF4azWBFgntO8Egf74ESgyqIOMDv2EFQOs1vn15r6bIKDeTCmM_CQacB0ftEbTfS0/s1600/DSC_0350.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: auto; height: auto; max-height: 80%; max-width: 80%;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3kggu91299asINtqoiMuBVxGC6MjIKH5RjZOpJlo4HBnyk3i1e-8rwfQe1VbzGKSTEFWjOwl9BWZF4azWBFgntO8Egf74ESgyqIOMDv2EFQOs1vn15r6bIKDeTCmM_CQacB0ftEbTfS0/s400/DSC_0350.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5605660177965733842" border="0"></a><br>I first want to say how blessed Dan and I are to be here on this earth and have each other! There has been so much love poured out upon us I feel like I’m swimming in love and prayers and it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. I can’t help but cry sometimes and be emotional and sad, but nothing brings me to tears faster than kindness shown to me. Seeing the Tide ‘Loads of Hope’ where they bring out about 30 washers and dryers and put them out on the main street and do peoples laundry for free- tears. When Jessica Koerner’s mom puts me on the phone with a dentist in Utah who wants to do all my needed dental work for free to me, a stranger- tears. When people write to me on Facebook and say the most heartfelt, kind, and expressive comments to me that make me feel humbled and inadequate for such a comment, but so thankful – tears. When old family friends overnight money to us and a card with uplifting words to show their love – tears. I can literally feel the prayers. It is real. Heavenly Father’s love for me is real. As real as and tangible as when Dan’s arms were wrapped around me protecting me in the bathtub. Going through an experience like this is humbling, for lack of a more powerful word. People refer to me as a ‘survivor’ and my first thought is, “Oh, that’s silly.” And then I think back about what I went through and I realize I am a survivor. And I am so thankful I am a survivor. But my thoughts quickly and repeatedly turn to the girl who I tried to save, who was not a survivor. Why her? Why her? Why her? Why her? She was young. She had so much life. She had absolutely no idea that typical Wednesday would be her last. She would have called her mom. She would have done so much. But she was not a survivor. I want to hug her. I want to express my feelings to her, that I wish she was still here with us. That I know it’s not fair that I was a survivor and she wasn’t. That she should be here, with me, cleaning up and moving on and trying to rebuild. She has moved on and I know she has peace. I know she can look down on me and I wonder if she does. Does she watch me and the things I do and think about me? Does the scene replay in her head of when she was lying that taking her last breaths and I was desperately trying to save her but I could not? Did I do everything I could? If a more experienced nurse would have been there at her side would she have been able to be a survivor? I can’t describe the massive, immense, empty feelings of helplessness I had. I couldn’t save her. I sobbed inside as she took her last breath but my cheeks were dry in pure shock and disbelief.<br><br>Code grey is a ‘severe weather alert.’ We had a code grey at work the night before. About 5:00 am on Wednesday morning, April 27, 2011. We begrudgingly moved all out patients out into the halls away from the windows. I thought nothing of it. Nothing came of it. It was like all the other warnings we had had before. A warning- no damage. No change in my life. I tried to protect my patients and did. We lost power but it came back up and all was well. The day shift nurses bustled in and were talking about the big tornado coming, that is was going to be the worst one in 16 years, and so many comments I can not even remember. I thought about how I’d heard it all before and I’m sure we would be fine. I had never been through a tornado before. I had never really been through a severe storm before. It wasn’t real. It was maybe going to cause some power outage 20 miles away in the country, but not me.<br><br><br>The traffic lights were out on my drive home from work around 8:00 am. Everyone at work had been so concerned I started to wonder if I should be. I had texted my husband as I walked out to the car… “Are you okay?” No reply. I thought nothing of it, arrived at home, and found my sweet husband sound asleep in bed like every other morning. I told him what had happened and told him to check the weather. I told him school might be cancelled and he could stay home with me! Nope, school was not cancelled. He saw some tornado warnings on the internet but it was nothing too out of the ordinary. I laid down and was asleep in no time.<br><br><br>I think I woke up once to go to the bathroom, typical. I checked my phone and had a couple text messages that mutual was cancelled that night. I had a doctor’s appointment and had a call from them that the appointment was cancelled as well. I thought, okay, well I guess I can just sleep then and not have to worry about it. I snuggled back up in bed and quickly fell back asleep.<br><br><br>“RACHAEL GET IN THE TUB NOW!” Is the next thing I remember. Dan was screaming at me. I jumped up as fast as I could. I heard loud wind and trees rumbling and breaking. Dan closed the door behind me and I stepped in the still damp tub. Dan had grabbed a flashlight as the power had gone out. I huddled up as tight as I could and Dan wrapped his arms around me. I was crying because I was so terrified. What was happening? I don’t remember many details about what I saw and heard, more just how I felt. I was scared. I was so scared. It was so loud. It sounded like trees were falling all around and the wind was massive. It all sounded and felt so close. It had never felt so close. But our bathroom was okay. I think our frame fell but it was hard to tell with only our little flashlight. It was suddenly calm. Whatever it was had gone and passed. It was quiet. Dan says it rained briefly right after but I don’t remember it raining. I just remember it being dark and quiet and an eerie, nervous feeling. I don’t know how long we were huddled together in the tub. It didn’t seem like very long, maybe a couple minutes. Dan got up first and opened the door. I remember seeing some pink fluffy insulation in the hallway from what I could see from the bathtub. It was right by our utility closet so I thought it had just fallen out of the closet right there. Dan stood and started to wander in shock. I think he said something like, “Oh no.” But didn’t say much. I carefully stepped out of the tub, walked through the doorway, and saw the sky above me. It was a dark, cloudy sky. There was indescribable destruction. The roof and some of the walls of our living room were gone. The other walls were fallen down flat on or couches and everything else. It was hard to make anything out or distinguish what was what. There was glass and pink fluffy insulation everywhere. Chairs down. Walls down. Roofs gone. Chips of wood. Big pieces of wood. Bricks. Debris. Everywhere. I was utterly and indescribably speechless. I took a step back into the bathroom so I wouldn’t step on any glass. I asked Dan to help me get me some clothes and shoes.<br><br>The next little while is a daze. We wandered around looking at things trying to fathom what had just occurred. There was debris covering our entire house. Every window had been shattered. There was no roof on our closet and the roof in our bedroom had a massive crack in it like it would collapse at any time. There was a craft picture that looked like it had been made by a child in the corner of our bedroom and other people’s pictures. The kitchen looked like it had been completely destroyed. It looked like there was mud all over the floor, covering our cutting boards and spatulas and everything else that was strewn all over. There was broken glass everywhere. The wall between our neighbors apartment and our own was gone. I looked out over the complex and the destruction was so massive and incomprehensible. Climbing over wooden beams and walls and destroyed objects trying to get from one room to the next. A boy who looked like he was in his early twenties came around, “Is anyone hurt?” “Anybody there?” At that point I had not even thought of trying to find others. I was in a shock and a state of stupor. Dan starting running around with this other man trying to find anyone who was stuck or injured or needed help. A few minutes later I heard Dan yell up to me “Someone’s dying. A lady is dying.” He got a little closer, “Rachael, hurry down here, someone’s dying.” I ran into the second bedroom and grabbed my first aid kit as fast as I could. I stumbled through the apartment and climbed through the kitchen window as that was the only way to get outside, being careful not to cut my hands on the shards of glass. I ran over the tumbled down bricks and made me way down the stairs, over the immense piles of rubble, and made it around the corner. I saw Dan and that boy who had been running around with him standing over a woman. I ran over as fast as I could to try and assess her and see what her condition was. She was unresponsive. She was breathing. She had a faint pulse. But she was breathing. “I should be able to save her. I can save her. I’m a nurse. What do I do? What do I do? Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.” These were all thoughts going through my head at the same time. “Find out where she’s bleeding from…” I told the boy. There was blood on her head, her face, and her whole body. She was actively bleeding from the side of her abdomen. We gently turned her over and there was a large, maybe 6-inch open wound with her internal organs hanging out and massively bleeding. Dan handed me gloves from my first aid kit. I had him search through it and find ACE bandage. We wrapped her abdomen and sides all the way around to cover her bleeding and apply pressure. I tried to calm myself and get my thoughts together… “ABC’s. ABC’s.” She was gurgling on her secretions. I turned her on her side so she wouldn’t choke, trying to secure her airway. Her respirations began to slow and before I could even think of what to do next she was gone.<br>I can’t explain the helplessness and disbelief I felt at that moment because even I don’t understand it. I found out a couple days later after talking with my apartment manager that her name was Nicole and she was 21 years old. I think about her many times throughout the day. The only thing that brings me hope is that I know she is Heavenly Father’s hands. I know that it was her time, or she would not have been taken. I know that she is in a place without destruction and despair and she is safe. When I say prayers I talk to Heavenly Father about her and pray for her and I feel a sense of peace.<br><br>We covered her body with a tarp and started to look for anyone else who may be in need. We couldn’t find anybody. We were confined to a small area due to trees being down blocking the road out. People were wandering in disbelief, just staring. I stepped on a nail in the rubble, it went through my old vans slip-ons and drew blood. I took my shoe off and cleaned it out as best I could with the alcohol swab I had in my first aid kit and put a band aid over it. I never knew how much that hurt! For days too.<br><br>We could not find anyone who was hurt or injured or in need. We went back up to our apartment and moved our clothes and other salvageable items into the bathtub so they would be safe from rain. We packed up a suitcase and a backpack with a couple outfits, our important documents, some money we had stashed for emergencies, Dan’s scriptures (I couldn’t find mine), and whatever else we thought was important. The sun was started to go down so we knew we had to hurry. It was hard to think clearly at that time to think of what to grab, but I really didn’t care about any thing at that point. We had been trying to make calls out to see if people were okay and I wanted to talk to my parents. The phone lines were so overloaded we couldn’t make any calls. One of my friends from work was able to get through to me, I think because she was near in distance, and made sure I was okay. Our home teacher was also able to get through to us after a little while. He had been at his parent’s house about 15 minutes outside of town in Duncanville, AL and him and his dad were going to come get us. We were one of the last people at the apartment complex and as I climbed through the kitchen window to leave I remember looking over at the destruction and just feeling the most surreal feeling I’ve ever felt. I felt like I was in the movie I Am Legend or Deep Impact, just because I have never experienced anything even close to this in real life. I wore the backpack and Dan brought the suitcase. We made it through the window and over the bricks and debris across the walkway. Thank goodness the stairs survived. We passed by our car on the way out and took some pictures just in case. We took any important documents we had in the car since all the windows were shattered and anybody could get and took some pictures just in case we wouldn’t be back. We were careful as we stepped over large trees and under downed power lines. We made our way our of the apartment complex and started walking towards where the Blowers were going to meet us. I had been trying to get a hold of my parents. I didn’t know whether they would know what happened yet, but I just needed to talk to them and heart their voices and let them know I was okay. I was finally able to get through to my Dad. I got the usual “Hey sweetie! How are you?” with so much love and happiness in his voice that he was talking to his little girl. I tried to keep my voice together as I said, “We got hit by a tornado. But we are okay…” His voice instantly changed. He couldn’t believe what I had told him. He immediately gave thanks to Heavenly Father for sparing the life of his little girl and her sweet companion and he knew we were literally spared by the hand of God. We just felt grateful that we could talk on the phone. That we were safe. That we had each other. The ruined car that was graduation gift from my dad, the demolished apartment, and the crushed belongings were of no importance. We talked about how not a prayer goes by that my parents do not pray for the safety of their children. That sometimes it sounds repetitive when they pray for the same thing every prayer, every day, but how real it suddenly became.<br><br>We continued to walk down the street when we saw David and Cody Blowers walking towards us. Cody put his arms out and we hugged each other. We started to walk towards their car. They were unable to drive very close to us because the downed power lines and trees everywhere were blocking the road. I continued to talk to my dad as we walked. My mom was working in the temple that evening so my dad called her and told her what happened. She called me and I will never forget the calm in her voice. She was not frazzled or frantic. She was calm and peaceful. She said she immediately said a prayer in the celestial room of the temple, thanking Heavenly Father for protecting her children. She knew we were safe and protected with God as our keeper. She knew that she did not need to worry because we were in the best hands we could be in and what could be more comforting than that.<br><br><br>David and Sherry Blowers took us in to their home like we were family. We felt so comfortable and loved and taken care of. We felt safe and that was the best feeling we could have. They lived far enough out of town that they still had power and didn’t have to especially conserve water. We got to take hot showers and eat the most delicious hot meals that Sister Blowers made for us. They went grocery shopping just for us. She busily cleaned the bathroom and got our room ready. She continually told us how thankful she is that we are okay. That we are so blessed. I could feel her genuine and honest care and concern for us in her voice. I am so thankful for the most humble and kind family who took us in and let us stay for as long as we needed. Who let us wear their pajamas and socks and leave early and come in late and drive their truck and borrow their moisturizer and medicine.<br><br><br>Those first two nights were hard. We didn’t sleep too much. I slept better than Dan because I took cough syrup and Benedryl. After two nights of not sleeping at all, I finally convinced him that a little Benedryl was okay when you needed to sleep and you would be up working hard all day. We would wake up multiple times in the night and have to relive it all. I would wake up and realize where I was, that I wasn’t home, and would have to play the whole event back in my head. I would just hold Dan so tight and could hardly have him leave my side. I wanted to be with him. He is my safe haven. It doesn’t matter what has happened or where we are or aren’t, if I’m with him I am safe and I need no more.<br><br><br>The next few days all we did was work. The day after we were able to sneak into our apartment and salvage some belongings. There was a gas leak and it was not structurally safe to be up there so we only had a few minutes before they kicked us out. Looking around at my painfully destroyed apartment trying to think of what to grab was horrible. Every time I went back there every feeling came back and I lost all rational thought. My eyes teared up and I would just wander with no rhyme or reason. I just couldn’t think straight. So decide now what you would take if ever faced with a situation like that. Because when the moment comes it’s a little too overwhelming. Dan wanted his surfboard and fishing poles. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know or care. I grabbed the bookshelf. My reasoning was that it was one of the few pieces of furniture we could save and it was expensive. I can’t remember what else I grabbed or what rational thoughts did not enter my mind..<br><br>Tuscaloosa was chaos. Every streetlight was out. There was destruction everywhere. Everyone was driving around, probably just to see what had happened so traffic was ridiculous. No body knows that when the streetlights are out it’s a four way stop. The gas stations were all out of service. The grocery stores freezers and fridges were out of power so they were losing all their frozen foods. We were able to get a rental car that insurance covers for a month. For the past week we have been working all day. We first took care of our ward members who were affected and helped move them out of their apartments. We’ve been cutting down and moving trees and eating at the moose lodge. It has been a blessing to be able to spend all day every day with our dearest friends. It truly is medicine to the soul! We have all just wanted to be together. After going through something like this, we all suddenly aren’t too busy anymore and we prioritize our friendships above all else. We ate dinner together every night for probably four or five nights at the Richards house. They were safe so they have been kind enough to let their house be the “home base.” We kept all of our things there for a while and Josh and Kimberly Mays have been staying there. They are our dear friends who also lost their home. It has been good for us to have people to talk to who really understand that it’s just hard sometimes! Those nights of just hanging out and laughing and eating good food were very good for us.<br><br>The day after I got a call from "Jill from CNN." She had me tell her 'my story' and then said "Do you want to be on live national news with Wolf Blitzer in about 40 minutes?" UHMM... like I hadn't been through enough emotional trauma... it was too stressful. Fumbling over my words. Trying to find pictures to send them. Trying to tell friends and family to watch. I mumbled and fumbled and barely got through it... but I got through it! Wolf and everybody else were really nice. It was my 15 seconds of fame. I'm thankful I was at least thinking straight enough to give Heavenly Father the credit! I am now all over "jesustube.com" and "godvine.com" and all these other Christian websites... "Girl who survived tornado gives glory to God." It's the best. Here is that story.<br>Dan and I were also interviewed and photographed by the Associated Press. Here is that story. They did a really awesome story intertwining the stories of five different people/families. They were also very kind. We had our picture taken by one of the photographers, which was a funny experience. They wouldn't let us get into our apartment so we settled for some other rubble. I liked one of the other pictures he took more. He would chose that one. Gee whiz, I almost dreamed about a day when my picture would be on the cover of newspapers around the country and I at least thought I would have my hair and makeup done and not be wearing taped up hiking boots from DI. SIGH. Life had much different plans for me. I was also interviewed by a girl in the other ward and my story is in the Milford Times (Milford, NE). I felt the need to share because my family roots are from Nebraska so I wanted to represent the James name. Hopefully somebody will read it and say, "Oh, that's Garth James' son Syd's daughter!" So I have told my story far too many times. I'm done with it.<br><br>We were really guided in getting into a new apartment. So many people are displaced and have no where to live. We immediately began contacting people and looking for a place to live the night of the tornado because we knew it would get crazy. We found an duplex right by campus that we love. We were so blessed to be able to contact the girl who we are subleasing from and get our papers in and get our background checks and take care of everything quickly so we could move in. She was kind enough to leave all her furniture and cooking and cleaning supplies and toilet paper, paper towels, etc here for us to use for the summer. The lease is only for three months so we will have to find a new place to live come August. But we could not feel more thankful to have a place to call home now. There is something special about having your own place. Somewhere to sleep at night where you can just let out a big sigh when you get there and know your home. The apartment is two story with a spiral staircase. The upstairs is just one big bedroom and a walk in closet. The downstairs has a nice living room and kitchen with a bar. And to top it all off the bathroom has a Jacuzzi tub! It is divine. We feel like we live in a hotel. We are trying to make it feel like home. It’s hard with someone else’s furniture and art and everything. When you have to move in 45 minutes it’s much less than organized, so unpacking has been tedious. We had to wash all our kitchen appliances and dishes and everything before putting them away because they were so filthy. We have to wash all our clothes before putting them away because they are filthy and have the ‘tornado smell.’ Less than pleasant. Andrew and Kelly Batteen gave us the key to their apartment while they are out of town so we could do laundry. They are such sweet friends to us. We went grocery shopping the other day at Target and got the basics so we have some food now. We didn’t have to buy food for literally a week after the tornado because everybody was giving away free food and drinks all day long to people who were out working. And the Moose Lodge. It has been incredible to see the community come together.<br><br><br>We are recovering and rebuilding every day. We are trying to keep moving and be positive and keep working. But it is hard. Dan hasn’t quite been his same light-hearted self. The littlest thing brings me to tears. But relatively we are doing well. We have come a long way in a week. We have learned and are still learning so much about life and love and death. We will forever be changed from what we have gone through. My dad said in my baby blessing that “You would live to see the day when there will be destruction all around you and your life would be preserved by the direct intervention of the Lord.”<br><br><br>I have never gone through such a humbling experience in my whole life. To be the one who is receiving help and support is very humbling and just makes me quietly thank my Heavenly Father for his constant love and the tender acts of kindness shown to us every day.<div><br></div><div><a href="https://youtu.be/vlBQpamgfWg">https://youtu.be/vlBQpamgfWg</a><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-16718930710953000492018-06-20T18:04:00.001-07:002018-06-20T18:07:07.724-07:00JUDE<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to write down memories of each of the kids. Time is
so fleeting and I swear I’ll never forget the little things they do, but I do
forget! It’s quite heartbreaking, actually. I am thankful for videos and I have
been taking videos, but I have not been journaling hardly anything. So here I
am going to record things I want to remember about each of my boys.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Jude- Jude is such a loyal, tender-hearted, good little boy.
He wants to badly to choose the right. He is a loyal companion to his mama and
would follow me anywhere. He takes everything I say to be gospel! I’m so
grateful he’s my first-born son. He is tender and nurturing to his younger
brothers and a good example. He loves nothing more than sharing tender moments
with William and Woodrow when they give him hugs and kisses or they are playing
together and laughing. He savors those moments. He has really been enjoying his
school lessons. He has learned so much these last few months since we have been
doing school consistently and he is enjoying learning. The other day after we
finished our lessons, he turned to me and almost looked like he was holding
back tears and said “Mom, I love doing school with you. I love you so much.
You’re the best.” It made me feel so grateful that we are homeschooling. It has
been confirmed to me time and time again that homeschooling is right for us. It
has been wonderful to finally be in a place we are consistently doing school
and enjoying it for the most part! We love The Good and the Beautiful
curriculum. I shudder to even imagine homeschooling without it! He absolutely
loves spending time with Dan and gets so sad every morning when Dan leaves for
work. Their favorite thing is to go to the bike jumps together and bike around.
Jude, Abraham, and Dan are always going on camping and fishing trips together.
They’re the best of friends. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYz3OZtoQu_UejVXTiOVZL8ZdTwpwfyyVgWPjyvoXcoGQpF7KMRAO94vG7t5tcJ_qXuza99DuoblkFNc5dWF4-SSxOKkE9nEpALdaIiB7pk-Ihel26KbzXCxTenMzSOrDIpVxuF-RPKLc/s1600/9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1068" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYz3OZtoQu_UejVXTiOVZL8ZdTwpwfyyVgWPjyvoXcoGQpF7KMRAO94vG7t5tcJ_qXuza99DuoblkFNc5dWF4-SSxOKkE9nEpALdaIiB7pk-Ihel26KbzXCxTenMzSOrDIpVxuF-RPKLc/s640/9.jpg" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ian Reynolds Photography</td></tr>
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Jude loves reading books and listening to books on tape. He
is a sponge and has an intently focused look on his face as he absorbs the
information and then asks 100 questions. We absolutely loved reading Swiss
Family Robinson together. He never wants me to stop reading. If it was up to
him we’d read for hours! He has an inventive mind and will surprise me with the
smart ideas he comes up with. It is not uncommon that I realize he is getting
smarter than me! He is a critical thinker. <o:p></o:p></div>
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He loves nature and frequently thanks Heavenly Father for
the trees and the flowers and the pollinators and “our beautiful earth.” He is
very obedient. I’ve talked to him about bad pictures and things on the internet
that can be harmful to us that we don’t want to look at and he is very
conscientious about it. If he sees a picture that makes him feel uncomfortable
he will talk away or turn it off. If there is a part in a movie that is scary
to him, he will refuse to watch the movie (I’m talking movies like Lion King
and The Good Dinosaur!) He is sensitive to the Spirit. He is a very good
example of reverence in Primary and is impressively knowledgeable about the
Gospel. I wish I had been writing down more details and quotes of things he
says and does. He is always making us laugh. Like when he does that new dance
move that Dan taught him or his singing. <o:p></o:p></div>
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He learned how to ride his bike so fast and is now on a
pretty good-sized bike. He loves riding his bike and exploring nature. His
favorite thing to watch (and essentially the only thing he will watch besides a
few movies in the car) is “Jonathan Bird’s Blue World” on YouTube.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He is always watching out for his brothers and is very
protective of them. He is Abraham’s keeper and is constantly telling me what
Abraham is up to (because Abraham is very frequently sneaking or getting into
mischief). I can count on Jude to keep an eye on the younger boys and always
let me know if something is wrong.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I wrote this down in November of 2017- “While massaging my
feet he sang me this song – Oh Mommy, I love you so much. You are so beautiful.
I love your face and your nose. I love everything about you except your
crossness. That is literally the only thing I don’t like…” (He sang that to
me!!!!) While watching the choir sing at Conference (April 2017) he said, “Look
at those two girls. They’re so beautiful. Lots of girls are beautiful.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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We were driving in the car and he was just asking a bunch of
questions. He asked, “Satan doesn’t have a body, right? Because he didn’t
choose the right.” And also, “I wish we knew who Heavenly Father’s father is.”
And then Abraham said from the back of the car, “Heavenly Father has night
vision.” And Jude said emphatically, “OH YEAH. (Nodding). HE DOES.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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On March 12, 2017, Jude said “Woods bit me and it hurt but I
smiled and said thank you because I wanted him to feel happy.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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That just encapsulates the preciousness of this little boy!
He is never happier than when he’s with his family doing something outside.
Yesterday we were eating dinner outside and he said, “This is my favorite time
of the day. It’s just so beautiful out here.” They have a couple girls that are
about 13 that babysit for them and whenever I ask him about it he says, “Oh, it
was great. They are so cute.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
It has been so wonderful to watch him grow over the years.
He used to be really “shy” (which I actually think is completely normal for
young children and I don’t like it when people label their kids and say “oh he’s
shy” in front of them, like something is wrong with them). Anyway, he used to
be “shy” and scared of taking to older people, etc, and he has really grown and
I am so very, very proud of the boy that he is. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyXLP8IasnMaKZbcCgNQ2Bpq5zucTc0tExyplDbVthDXpDiX1xUfVeysrsOBuhff8ojA6KRwLy5jYWHABzFmW5fVmMrk1Ls_NrdkmL-20MJm7xKrx7MdXz6YKjJ-8LvkMNBvxkFSO3_Nw/s1600/27.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1068" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyXLP8IasnMaKZbcCgNQ2Bpq5zucTc0tExyplDbVthDXpDiX1xUfVeysrsOBuhff8ojA6KRwLy5jYWHABzFmW5fVmMrk1Ls_NrdkmL-20MJm7xKrx7MdXz6YKjJ-8LvkMNBvxkFSO3_Nw/s640/27.jpg" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ian Reynolds Photography</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-72693335420596107642017-03-26T19:35:00.001-07:002017-03-27T09:58:27.046-07:00Prime Mental Real EstatePrime Mental Real Estate.<br />
<br />
Wow. I had absolutely no idea how much prime mental real estate social media was occupying in my brain. Like, the thought literally never crossed my mind. I "quit social media" for so many reasons, but this was a benefit I didn't expect.<br />
<br />
My mind feels SIGNIFICANTLY lighter. I feel free-er. Like my mind is sighing in relief and saying "ahhh." As the woman I am, I make things personal. I take things in. I internalize everything I see. I worry about people. I think about them.<br />
<br />
There's nothing wrong with that to a point, of course, but I was constantly bombarding myself with the inner workings of hundreds of other people's lives. Lives I couldn't necessarily affect or help or serve at the moment, so I was just filling my mind with so many thoughts. Idle thoughts. They were just running around my heart and head like millions of tiny toddlers trapped in a fish tank.<br />
<br />
I never recognized it but my mind was tired. My mind would be tired anyway from having four little boys within five feet of me all the time, but then add on everyone else's kids and their thoughts and their daily doings and comings and goings and it was just A LOT.<br />
<br />
Now that I've freed myself from social media, it's like my mind can relax.<br />
<br />
There are some more amazing things that have happened from this. Maybe I'll share those another day. Maybe I'll start blogging more?! The possibilities of what will now take over this newly listed real estate is endless!<br />
<br />
Ahhh....Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-88809608133629829672017-02-09T14:06:00.004-08:002017-06-21T13:13:26.579-07:00Life's Hard, Accept It & Keep On Truckin.<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
I was raised in a quintessential home with a loving family
and anything I could have every wanted. I did not go through a lot of difficult
challenges or very hard things. This is great, of course. I am so grateful for
my loving family and the wonderful childhood that was a gift to me and it
shaped me into who I am today.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got married and starting working and life continued to be
fine and dandy. Of course, there were challenges, but overall I was able to
deal with everything and maintain my naturally happy-go-lucky attitude. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then I became a mother. And my child had extreme food
allergies linked to an autoimmune disease and asthma. Along with some other
challenges, those first couple years of motherhood were tough for me. My
perfect little world was rocked. Then my second little boy was born, my oldest
son was still not healthy, we had just moved to Texas away from family, and we
were dealing with other challenges. (Aren’t we all?!) I was trying to keep it
all together. I was trying to be that perfect mother and take care of my
children and do all those things I felt I was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">supposed</i> to be doing. I was started to taste a little dose of that
thing called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">life.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wasn’t succeeding. I was flailing with my head barely above
water, realizing I thought I knew how to swim but I didn’t. I was madly in love
with my two little boys, but wondered, “how does one person do all this?” I
would talk to my mom on the phone about how <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hard</i>
it all was and just in an overall quandary about how I was supposed to make all
this work. She felt for her daughter and wanted to help, so she would come out
and visit every few months. I was stressed and busy and worn out and tired, and
then my mom would come and everything was better and easier and I could relax a
little bit again. I would go to the grocery store alone while she stayed home
with the boys and I would enjoy a salad from the salad bar. I would go to the
library and make lists of how to try to do all that I wanted to do, that I was
currently nowhere near. Then she would have to leave and the day she left I was
stressed again. Was I missing some piece of the puzzle!?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We would go on a little family trip and I was APPALLED at
how much time and effort it took to prepare for the trip and just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">be on the trip. </i>I kept thinking, “my
parents did all this for every trip we went on?!” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was waiting for life to get easier. It felt like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">every single thing</i> I had to do was more
difficult that what I expected. Everything took longer. Nothing was quick and
easy. I thought that if I could just be a little more efficient or work a
little harder or manage my time a little bit better, then I would be okay. I
would be able to do all that I needed to do, and take care of my children, and
provide them healthy meals, and teach them, and love them, and balance it all…
and not be so <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">stressed</i> all the time
and just be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">happy. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t remember exactly when it happened, that things
changed. I know it didn’t happen all at once. It happened slowly as I tried to
figure out the formula. I asked one friend “how do I do it all?!” and instead
of telling me how to try to make myself more, she told me to make “it all”
less. I didn’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">have</i> to give my kids a
bath every night. I didn’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">have</i> to
dress them in matching pajama sets every night and change their outfits into
day clothes every day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">I didn’t have to “do
it all.”</span></i> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had been asking myself the wrong question. Instead of
asking, “how do I do it all?” I needed to ask, “what is most important for me
to do? At the end of the day, what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really
</i>matters? What can I stop worrying about?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It happened as I read books that gave me a new perspective
on motherhood and life. I read about mothers in other cultures and realized the
standard American way of motherhood was not only not the only way, but also not
necessarily the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">best</i> way. There is no
“best” way. We are all just doing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">our</i>
best and we all have our strengths and weaknesses.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It happened as I turned to God and was inspired by
incredible friends who helped me see better ways. I read one parenting book
that really opened my eyes and helped me. It is (more than) okay to let your
children struggle through things. It is okay to let them work their way through
things. It is not my responsibility as their mother to prevent every tear and
every skinned knee along the journey of childhood, but that doing so would in
fact rob them of the growing and learning they so desperately needed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It happened as I realized I wasn’t doing my children any
favors by always putting myself last. I realized my emotional, mental,
physical, and spiritual health was of utmost importance to the well-being of my
entire family. I had to learn to be a little more selfish. It is okay to do
what I want to do sometimes. It is okay to develop my own hobbies and talents.
It is okay to let my children watch TV when I really need a nap. It is okay to
let my husband put my kids to bed so I can go out for a girls night. It is okay
to feed my kids cereal for dinner. It is okay to get a babysitter and actually
go out on a date with my husband. And most importantly of all, IT’S OKAY TO NOT
FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. We give our all to our families, let’s carve out little
breaks for ourselves here and there. And would it be absurd to not let our whole
break be ruined by guilt and worrying about our kids the whole time?!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It happened as I learned to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">let it go</i>, just let everything and anything go that I could. I
stopped trying to be perfect. I stopped trying to create a perfect life for my
children. I stopped trying to be the mother that I thought I was supposed to
be.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And everything started to change. My stress levels went
down. My joy in life went up. I grew in my desire to improve myself, develop my
own hobbies, and take care of myself. I stopped waiting for life to get easier
and I realized, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it won’t.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(This was all actually very timely because shortly after I
got pregnant with twins and those lessons because more valuable than I ever
realized!)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Life will always be hard. If it’s not this stress or worry,
it will be something else. I realized I couldn’t wait for my mom to come help
me to be happy and carefree. I had to learn to find joy and peace and happiness
in the midst of the trials of life. You know those people that are so happy and
have great marriages and are great parents and seem like they have just figured
it out? I used to think it was because they were dealt an easy hand, or they
just married the perfect guy, or they just had perfect kids, etc. I have
realized that those people just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">chose</i>
to make it work. They chose to be happy. They chose to put the time and work
into their marriages and families and their priorities to be happy and satisfied
with the life they have created. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I finally ACCEPTED that life was going to be hard every day
of my life, and that was okay. And in reality that was the way I wanted it. A
woman who is progressing and pushing herself and growing and learning and becoming
the best version of herself is not going to have it easy. Now I expect life to
be difficult. I expect setbacks. So when they happen, I just smirk and move on.
When Abraham spills his freshly roasted vegetables or his smoothie all over the
floor, I don’t mind. I knew it was going to happen! If not today, another day.
I know I’m going to be tired. I know I’m going to have difficult days. I know
there are going to be moments when all four of them are screaming, but I’m just
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">okay with it all now.</i> It’s all part
of the beautiful mess of motherhood. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I stopped feeling sorry for myself for being so busy with
little kids. Like, “WHEN DO I EVER HAVE A MOMENT TO MYSELF?!” ----> In ten
years, move on. I stopped being a martyr. “I’m just so tired. The kids kept
waking up last night…” ----> You signed up to have these kids, so if you’re
tired, do what you need to do to get some sleep, stop complaining, and move on.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For so long I tried to FIGHT IT. I tried to fight the fact
that life was hard. It wasn’t until I accepted it and embraced it that I have
been able to find peace. My house doesn’t have to be picked up for me to enjoy
the five minutes of peace I have while the babies are sleeping and the boys are
playing quietly. Instead of busily picking everything up, I’m going to take
these precious few minutes and do something for myself, or just sit and enjoy
my kids. I have accepted that my house will be messy for the next fifteen years
and I’m okay with that! I’ve accepted that the hardest things in life bring the
greatest rewards and if I just stop complaining and give these kids and this
life I have created EVERYTHING I’VE GOT, I won’t have any regrets. I have stopped
waiting, wishing, and hoping for an easier tomorrow, when “the kids are a
little older.” I have realized that the only way to feel better is to do the
work you can do and at the end of the day be happy with what you’ve got…
difficult days, disasters, and all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Books referenced above:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>How Eskimo’s Keep Their Babies Warm</i> by Mei-Ling Hopgood<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Bringing up Bebe </i>by Pamela Druckerman<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Hands Free Mama </i>by Rachel Macy Stafford<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood</i> by Jim Fay and
Charles Fay<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-23516210632128637422017-01-12T15:19:00.000-08:002017-01-12T15:19:32.418-08:00Twin's Birth Story<div class="MsoNormal">
I was thirty-seven weeks and three days pregnant with these
little twins of mine. My perinatologist, Dr Gordon, wanted to induce me right
at 37 weeks due to my cholestasis. I was able to get him to agree to pushing it
back a few days so we scheduled it for Friday, June 17, 2016. Although I am
opposed to inductions most of the time, I felt peaceful about my need to be
induced and finally felt ready. 6:00 on Friday morning came and Mimi dropped us
off at the hospital. I felt very calm. I had received a priesthood blessing
from Dan a few nights earlier that was powerful and reassuring and confirmed to
me in undeniable ways that I have a loving Heavenly Father who knows my heart.
Staying true to my tradition of watching <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ephraim’s
Rescue</i> right before labor, Jude and I had watched it the day before so I
could draw strength from the examples of my pioneer ancestors (one of which, Elizabeth Bradshaw, is depicted in the movie). Dan and I also
went to the temple the day before and I was touched by the words spoken there. Although
all I really wanted was to end up with two healthy babies, however they came, I
was filled with peace and faith that I would be able to have the birth I hoped
for, even though it seemed to defy all odds.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We got to the hospital and waited for a while. I read my
blessing again as we were waiting. I was wearing the same blue moo-moo that I
wore when I went in to the hospital to have Abraham. The nurse got us set up in
our room and got my IV started before her shift changed. One whole wall was windows
and I loved how the sun shined through. The day shift nurse came in and she was
a sixty-something year old lady who seemed less than enthused about the whole
situation. I was also less than amused by her lack of enthusiasm. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At 8:00, they did an ultrasound and baby B was BREECH. That
was the last word I wanted to hear. I was disappointed and confused. Why had I
felt so confident and peaceful about my birth working out so well? This was
going to greatly increase my risk of having to have an epidural and possibly a C-section (they will not deliver a breech baby vaginally).
I was bummed but tried to stay positive and hope that maybe he would move
again. (A few days earlier at my appointment he was head down.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She hooked me up to all the monitors, one for contractions
and the two that monitored the heart rates. So I had three monitors strapped to
my super slick, super round tummy and they would not stay put. First of all,
the babies would not stay put and then the monitors themselves kept sliding off
the slippery slopes. She kept coming in and trying to get them to stay. Because
of this, I couldn’t move at all. If I moved even in the slightest they would
come off, and she would not start or increase the Pitocin if the monitors
weren’t picking up. So I had to stay completely still if I wanted to move
forward! Dr Suber, my OB, came in at 8:42 and was upset that the nurses hadn’t
started the Pitocin yet. She checked me and I was still 3 cm, 70% effaced, and
-1 station. She encouraged me to get an epidural because in the event of a
C-section, if I didn’t have an epidural they would have to put me under general
anesthesia and I would not even be awake to see my babies being born. We had
previously talked about the option of just getting the epidural placed but not
having any medication administered so I told her I would think about it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The nurse started the Pitocin at 9:00 at a rate of four. She
increased the Pitocin by four every half hour until it reached 12. At that
point my contractions were steady enough and she felt like she didn’t need to
increase it any more. I was grateful! My nurse grew on me. She was laid-back
and gave me my space. If I had to go to the bathroom, I would just unhook
myself and go and then take my time and she wouldn’t come in and get on my
case. She would give me some time and I really appreciated that little bit of
freedom! Dr Suber told me she would come back in around lunchtime and break my
water so I was anxiously waiting. Up until that point, the contractions weren’t
too bad. I started to feel them and was rudely brought back to a remembrance of
when I was induced with Jude. It still wasn’t too bad so I knew I couldn’t be
too far along yet. Dan was by my side working on a paper he had to write for
school. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr Suber came in at 1:30 and broke my water. I was only four
cm so I knew I still had some ways to go. She was a little upset that I hadn’t
gotten the epidural yet, but I just wasn’t in a rush because I knew I still had
time. Things started to pick up. My nurse didn’t need to increase my Pitocin
any more because the water breaking got things moving enough on it’s own. The
next few hours I was just in my zone. I went to YouTube on my phone to listen
to one of my jams and it asked me if I wanted to download YouTube Red music
player. I agreed and it ended up being totally what I needed. I searched for my
songs and liked them and it automatically put them on a playlist and no ads!
There was a little Taylor Swift, a little Anthony Green, a little Rihanna, a
little Justin Bieber, amongst others. I had Dan’s big headphones on and was
just in my zone. Time passed quickly. I had a little paper with my “tools” on
it to help get me through the contractions that my good friend, Brittany, had
helped me write. The one that really got me through was “soft face.” Whenever a
contraction would come, I would focus on keeping my face soft and every muscle
in my body relaxed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The contractions were getting more intense and I was
definitely using my tools and just trying to stay in my zone and stay relaxed.
I talked to the nurse about getting the epidural placed and she said she would
call the anesthesiologist. He came in a few minutes later and asked me if I had
any questions. I explained my situation to him and told him I would like to get
the epidural placed in case of an emergency but did not want any medication
administered. He seemed slightly confused but was happy to oblige me. He did
warn me that in the event of an emergency or STAT C-section, they would not
know if the epidural had worked and without that knowledge, would have to put
me under general anesthesia. There is always a risk that the epidural won’t
work so if mine hadn’t, they would not have enough time to know if it had or
not. I thought about it for a while and felt peaceful that it would be okay and
I didn’t feel like it would come to that. I told him I felt comfortable taking
that risk and did not want any medication administered. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My mom arrived just as the anesthesiologist was placing the
epidural. I had lost track of time at this point but sometime after that the
nurse checked me and I was 6.5 cm. I was still coping well at that point so I
was feeling good. I knew if I could get that far I could certainly go the rest
of the way. Things started to get real at this point. I would have Dan massage
my feet as I was getting a contraction to take my mind off of it. I had my
headphones on and would just focus on relaxing and he would rub my feet. Mom
came behind me and was rubbing my temples for a little while too. The nurse
came in around 3:45 and asked me if I wanted to get checked. I told her I
didn’t want her to because I didn’t want to be disappointed. She said she was
just going to sit over in the corner of the room. I was getting to the point
where I was thinking I couldn’t do it any more. Within a few minutes, I started
to feel the urge to push. I told her she better go ahead and check and I was 9
cm! She immediately picked up her phone and called Dr Suber, “Twins are a 9!”
She pulled out her walkie-talkie and starting summoning the troops to help her
wheel me into the Operating Room and get things set up. (I had to deliver in
there in case of a C-section.) Dan had gowned up into his white suit and donned
his surgical hat. My mom wasn’t allowed to come in just because there were
already going to be so many people in there. I was pushing as they wheeled me
in and just praying it would all be over soon. We got into the OR and I had to
slide myself over to the miniature stretcher they needed me to be on. Things
kind of turn in to a blur at this point but I’ll do my best to remember!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As they wheeled me in, with my legs in the birthing
position, there was a man in his thirties waiting in the OR room at the end of
my bed. I introduced myself and asked his name because it was just a little
awkward. He introduced himself as the OR tech and I sound found out his job was
to prepare the area and keep everything clean down there. I obviously didn’t
care that much at that point but thought it was an interesting employee choice
and felt kind of bad for him for all he was about to experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before I knew it I saw Dr Suber was standing at the bottom
of my bed. I was pushing and as she put on her gloves, she said something like,
“there’s the baby!” That was good to hear. I pushed a couple more times and
there was Baby A! He was born at 4:25 pm. They put him right on my chest and I was
just in shock by this little man! He looked nothing like my other two babies! I
had expected another little Jude and Abraham and was surprised to see a new
little face! I held him up to get a good look at him. He was not crying so I
started patting on his back. I did not want them to take him away from me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I
was pretty unaware of what was going on down there and don't remember any details of how I felt. There were literally fifteen
people bustling around the OR so it was chaotic. Apparently baby B was
transverse at this point. Dr Suber stuck her arm up to her elbow up there and
grabbed him while the other doctor manipulated his body from the outside. Dr
Suber broke his water and flipped him to head down. They were having trouble
getting a heart rate on baby B and the doctor was getting frustrated. They
ended up putting something on his head that was able to get his heart rate. The
doctors said something about how baby B’s heart rate was lower than they wanted
it to be and I needed to push now or they would have to do a C-section. The
assisting doctor, Dr Hahn, was yelling at me “Push! Push! You can do this!” I
didn’t feel an urge to push at that point, maybe because he hadn’t descended
down the birth canal yet. At this point I was still holding Baby A. So now I’m
on this miniature stretcher that has no handles or side rails or anything to
get a grip on and I’m holding my newborn baby and they want me to PUSH. I
kindly asked if someone could hold the baby so I could actually push! I said I
was afraid I would squeeze him and that got the nurse’s attention so one of
them ran over and grabbed the baby. I grabbed Dan’s hand on one side and
another lady’s hand on the other, pushed with all I had, and after a few pushes,
baby B was born at 4:36 PM, eleven minutes after his brother.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
This little babe was a carbon copy of Jude and Abraham at
birth so when I saw him I thought, “I know you!” I held him for a few minutes
before they took him to weigh him. I was okay with it because I was so worn
out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Relief and exhaustion were my two most overwhelming emotions
at that point. I wished it was over but unfortunately much still needed to be
done. This is the part of natural birth where I feel like you should be done
and then they have to stitch up and do that fundal massage like there’s no
tomorrow. The placentas were fused together so they came out together after
baby B. Dr Suber was really excited to send them off for testing because of my
cholestasis. Must be a doctor thing. Dr Suber had more of an adrenaline high
than I did! She looked at me and in all seriousness asked, “How did you do
that?! How did you do that?!” I just kind of looked at her puzzled and don’t
think I even responded. How do you answer a question like that?! I don’t know,
I just did?!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After they got me all fixed up, I got in a wheelchair and
had a baby in each arm. They wheeled me back into the labor room and within a
couple minutes, Mom had brought Jude and Abraham into the room. That moment
when we were all together as a family for the first time was one of the most
special moments for me. The boys were so intrigued and excited and sweet. They
just wanted to be by the babies. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I, yet again, didn’t have that adrenaline rush or “high”
people describe after natural birth. I was too tired! I wanted to take a nap. I
was extremely grateful and humbled how everything worked out. There were about
a million things that could have “gone wrong” or just not the way I planned. I
had my heart set on a natural, vaginal birth and going into labor on my own. I
wasn’t able to go into labor on my own, but I realize now that was a blessing
in disguise and a loving Heavenly Father’s way to save me from myself. I had
talked my doctor into letting me go to 39 weeks pregnant as opposed to the
normal 37 or 38 weeks they let twin moms go. My babies were already so big, had
I gone to 39 weeks I’m afraid they each would have been 8-9 pounds each and my
delivery wouldn’t have gone so well. I can only imagine the complications and
recovery I would have had. Looking back, I am grateful for the induction as I
have had a ridiculously amazing recovery. I felt incredible within a couple days and had NONE of the recovery issues I had dealt with previously. After birthing a 9 lb 15 oz tank,
these two were easy as pie! Thanks for paving the way, Abraham! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I had felt so peaceful in the few days before they were born
that I was going to be able to have the birth I wanted. I did not have fear. Even
when it seemed to defy all odds, I felt that Heavenly Father, for some reason,
was granting me this wish of mine to have a natural birth. Besides the initial
reasons that interested me in natural birth (feeling it was best for the health
of my babies and myself), I wanted to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feel</i>.
I wanted to feel the birth of these babies that were my miracle. I wanted to
experience everything my ancestors and all mothers past have experienced. I
wanted to be able to look back on my life knowing I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">lived</i> every day and every experience as much as I could. I did not
want to numb myself from feeling something that would undoubtedly be one of the
most life-changing, unforgettable experiences of my life. I knew I could do it.
I knew my body could do it. I had gained a lot of confidence in myself after
having Abraham naturally. I wanted to birth without fear. I wanted to let my
body do what I knew it could. I wanted to be brave like my pioneer ancestors. I
wanted to remember them in those difficult moments and think about their
sacrifices and what they went through and feel that in a small way I was making
my own sacrifice. I had Googled “induction without epidural” or something like
that a few days earlier and the main paragraph that popped up said it’s
extremely difficult and all but impossible. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like
that society told me I couldn’t. We, as women, are made to do this. Our bodies
are made to birth the babies we create. I want women to feel empowered by
pregnancy and labor and delivery, not fearful. I want women to gain courage and
strength and confidence by their role as childbearing women and embrace the
power we hold.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-20516177574566447232016-10-19T15:14:00.001-07:002016-10-19T15:14:53.998-07:00Mom Guilt - JUST SAY NO.<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">
Dad guilt. You've never heard of it. Because it's not a thing.</div>
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Mom guilt though? EVERY DAY OF OUR LIVES. Why?! We need to ruthlessly eradicate mom guilt. We give our kids EVERYTHING WE HAVE and then at the end of the day we feel guilty for not giving them more. </div>
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I created and birthed two little humans and breastfeed them for hours on end every day, change their diapers, keep them clean, and provide a safe, love-filled life for them yet I feel twinges of guilt when I let them LAY ALONE for, like, 5 minutes without any cooing, exercises, classical music, or uplifting songs sung enthusiastically in their faces.</div>
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Not right.</div>
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I provide a loving home with two nurturing parents for my sons where we read books and they are given so much freedom to play and explore and I take them on walks and listen to their stories yet I feel twinges of guilt when I let them watch a (educational, carefully-selected) show.</div>
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Not right.</div>
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All these feelings do are make us feel bad. Bad about ourselves and bad about the job we're trying so hard to do well.</div>
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Negative emotions lead to negative thoughts, which lead to negative behaviors... which lead to...</div>
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MORE MOM GUILT!!! </div>
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A cruel, cruel cycle, I know. </div>
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So what can we do to kick mom guilt in the hiney and keep it out?</div>
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1. Speak kindly about ourselves and to ourselves.</div>
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In the words of our wise friend Justin Bieber, we need to LOVE OURSELVES. This is something all of us moms need to work on. It pains me, and happens far too frequently, that I hear mothers putting themselves down and speaking negatively of themselves (when I know they are loving, amazing mothers). We sometimes feel like it's prideful or that we shouldn't ever say anything we're proud of or that we did a good job on something. It's OKAY to acknowledge our accomplishments and positive attributes to ourselves and others! It's refreshing to hear and refreshing to share. Hearing others speak like this gives <i>us</i> permission to be positive about ourselves too, instead of having a bad mom one-upping competition. (Although that can be fun, too, and we need to be real.) We don't need to down play our accomplishments or negate every compliment we receive. </div>
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We are all wonderful, fabulous, beautiful ladies in our own unique way. Let's embrace that and spend less time trying to be what we think is the "perfect mom" or what our peers may be doing or comparing ourselves to someone's Instagram life and more timing EMBRACING <i>OURSELVES</i>- quirks, curves, and all!!</div>
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2. Stop the cycle of negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.</div>
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I listened to a podcast about this and it totally opened my eyes. (LIKE, IT WAS AMAZING.) So instead of trying to explain it, take a few minutes and listen to it!</div>
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Access the podcast by clicking on link below or searching </div>
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"Power of moms unhealthy stress and habits" on your podcasts.</div>
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https://powerofmoms.com/unhealthy-stress/</div>
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3. EMBRACE OURSELVES</div>
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What makes you YOU? What brings you joy? What makes you feel like a kid again? Figure out what those things are do them. It's (more than) okay to spend time FOCUSING ON YOURSELF AND YOUR OWN HAPPINESS! A wise woman once said (me), "The best gift you can give your children is a happy mother."</div>
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Do what makes you happy. Don't try to be like everyone else. Take advantage of any alone time you have to do what FILLS YOU UP. "You can't pour from an empty pitcher!"</div>
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4. Have a mantra</div>
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We may benefit from a short, little phrase that helps us maintain a long-term perspective and help us be able to laugh things off.</div>
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Some I've heard of/use are:</div>
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"All is well that ends well" </div>
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"Let it go"</div>
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"My life is crazy, and crazy is fun... so I'm having fun!!"</div>
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"They'll be fine!"</div>
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5. Try to look at things in a practical way (as opposed to emotionally) and with a long-term perspective.</div>
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This one goes hand-in-hand with the mantra. We need to be able to laugh things off, not take ourselves too seriously, accept that we are good parents and doing our best, and just in general... RELAX. If we are getting down on ourselves about something we did or didn't do, take a step back and try to look at it PRACTICALLY and realize that in the long-run, it's not that big of a deal! </div>
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Realize that although you maybe didn't have the best day or you lost your patience with your child, in the long run... that does not define you and that single event will not ruin your child! Think of all the good things you did that day. Think of all the ways you ARE a great mom and focus on those! Do not let those negative feelings of "mom guilt" in! </div>
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You got this, mama! #mompower</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-29426102081744837272016-10-15T09:43:00.001-07:002016-10-15T11:17:08.175-07:00The marathon that is LIFE.<span style="color: rgba(0 , 0 , 0 , 0.701961); font-family: "uictfonttextstylebody"; font-size: 17px;">It's safe to say motherhood has sufficiently rocked my world. I'd like to think I've learned a little bit more than how to proficiently and efficiently wipe another human's bottom along the way and I can safely say I have!</span><br />
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I marvel to think how these last four and a half years have changed me. But then I realize every four year period of my life thus far has caused significant change in myself. Birth to four. Four to eight. Eight to twelve. Twelve to sixteen. You get it. As I look to my future, I am forseeing the massive life changes slowing down a little bit. (Hopefully?) No more deciding who to MARRY. No more SCHOOL. (Insert evil laugh) No more deciding what our CAREERS should be. No more growing and birthing humans and then nourishing them from my body. No more moving across the country (after our next move across the country).<br />
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These last few years I was forced into change and progression. It hit me like a grand piano on the noggin. These next years of my life will undoubtedly bring change, but I want to continue to grow and progress as much as I have in the past. It is probably easy to relax a little bit when life isn't throwing BABIES and as many huge life-changing decisions at you, but I hope my self-progression continues on like a seasoned runner chugging along in another marathon. </div>
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Something I've observed is that some people are life-long LEARNERS. They are actively and excitedly seeking learning and growth every day of their lives. They're constantly reading, sharing knowledge, setting goals, figuring out who they are and embracing that, and pushing themselves out of their comfort zones in order to become better and become more than they currently are. They do things that scare them. They take risks and chances. they make changes. They aren't afraid to TRY. They have a passion and zest for life that is contagious. </div>
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Right now I can hardly do anything beyond nurturing and nourishing little humans, and I truly believe there is NO GREATER WORK. And motherhood/wifehood will continue to be my greatest work, but I want to progress more personally and figure out more of who I am and what I can become... and I like to think somewhere deep down behind those busy mammary glands, I have the potential and fire to be one of those people too. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-66020192076681817482016-07-15T20:44:00.004-07:002016-07-15T20:44:49.017-07:00They're here!I have truly been blessed <i>beyond measure </i>with these two beautiful baby boys and a birth story straight from heaven! I will share it soon!<br />
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Introducing William Syd Mulder and Woodrow Dan Mulder </div>
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William - 6/17/16 | 4:25 PM | 6 lb 15 oz | 19.5 in</div>
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Woodrow - 6/17/16 | 4:36 PM | 7 lb 5 oz | 21 in<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-31539789891257517682016-07-15T20:39:00.000-07:002016-07-15T20:39:57.624-07:00pregnancy update.<span style="color: rgba(0 , 0 , 0 , 0.701961); font-family: "uictfonttextstylebody"; font-size: 17px;">Let's do a pregnancy update just for posterity's sake before it becomes a distant memory!</span><br />
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My past pregnancies were easy as pie. Never nauseated, no swelling. No complications. I was going to the temple at 40 weeks pregnant with Abraham and worked nights until 39+ weeks with Jude! I was immediately exhausted this time around. It was weird but I figured it was just because I was taking care of two other children. Although I've thankfully never really been nauseous in any pregnancy, this time around I would randomly dry heave and gag all the time. I started showing earlier and have gained more weight. (A solid 50 lbs at 36 weeks) </div>
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My second trimester I might have had a little more energy (I recollect leaving the house with the kids!) but I was limited because I was already so big. I felt like I jumped straight to the awkwardness of the third trimester without the "break" of the second. Third trimester has been enough to make me never want to be pregnant again! I am have an extremely large belly that constantly bonks things and my kids in the face, I am ridiculously exhausted (1-2 naps EVERY day or I completely loose it), complete emotional instability and irritability (Sorry Dan and kids). I hardly do ANYTHING. If Dan is gone all Day it's all I can do keep the kids fed and MAYBE unload the dishwasher. If he's home I might write two thank you cards while he does everything else. It's starting to get frustrating just because I feel so helpless and nonproductive. There is a lot I want to do but I either don't have the energy for it or am physically unable. Very few articles of clothing fit. You will usually find me in my blue moo-moo.</div>
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I have completely lost control of my emotions. I cry usually at least once a day for whatever reason. Last week I broke into full on sobs because Dan used my ice tray to make homemade ice cream. I have taken over our queen-size bed for two months now. Dan sleeps on the aero bed next to mine. It is completely exhausting and emotionally overwhelming for me to run one errand, even by myself. I can't take the kids anywhere. I am tired of all the comments about my size and people asking me if I'm having twins. (I mean, I know I am but it's just the principal of not asking a pregnant woman that). Then they say something like "I figured."</div>
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When my mom was here she gave me some alone time to run a couple errands by myself before my doctors appointment. I have since learned this is too much for me. So I ran a couple errands then was trying to get to a store across the access road by the Northstar mall (SUPER confusing area right there). I ended up confused about if I was in the turn lane or not and then i turned left on a green YIELD and the cars going straight were just starting to go. So right as I was turning left, the cars were starting and before I knew it I was SLAMMING on my breaks and there was a large SUV in front of me and I didn't remember a crash but we were so close I was sure we hit. Turns out he was an undercover cop with a stone cold heart. I was sobbing and apologizing and he checked and agreed we did NOT hit, but he had me pull over, wait for about 20 minutes (while some homeless man tried to comfort me) and then came up and told me I would be getting a ticket. He also was worried about the baby and wanted to make sure I was okay. Anyways, that shook me up a little bit. Let's just say I never made it to Goodwill! I did make it to my doctors appointment. </div>
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The Saturday night prior Dan sprained his ankle playing basketball with Justin so that was a bummer as all the responsibilities were mine. (I MIGHT have been a little bitter about it on Mothers Day...) luckily my mom was all scheduled to come out that next day on Monday! That was such a blessing! </div>
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So the day before my ticket I was getting a non-stress test and mentioned to the NP I had really bad itching. She asked if it was worse in my hands and feet and i enthusiastically told her it was! It was OUT OF CONTROL itching!! Horrible. She told me I probably had cholestasis and they would draw my labs, start me on Ursodial, and induce me at 37 weeks. So that was a lot to take in. My labs confirmed that I did have it but luckily the medicine helped so much and within a week I could tell a big difference in the itching. </div>
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I was so grateful my mom was there that week. I don't know what I would have done! I have since been able to talk to Dr Gordon, my perinatologist, and he says the actual risk of stillborn from cholestasis is 1%. My babies are as picture-perfect healthy as can be and growing like weeds! He did not seem very concerned so that brought me a lot of comfort. I have appointments with both my doctors his week so I will be able to talk to them and there is a possibility we may not need to induce them right at 37 weeks, but maybe a few days later.</div>
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Baby A has been head down for over a month and I am so grateful! Baby B is a wild one and has gone from head down to breech to transverse all in a few weeks! I'm not counting on him going head down but my doctor is very experienced in vaginal breech births, twin births, and delivery breech twins vaginally! She is awesome and I trust her. She will also have another very experienced doctor there to assist her to help me get both babies here and avoid a C-section so I'm feeling good about that! People will ask me, "so do you have your C-section scheduled?" I don't understand that question. Our babies are made to give birth to the children we conceive. I always tell them that if I can give birth to a ten pound baby I sure can give birth to two smaller ones!</div>
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One good thing that has come from my extreme fatigue and all but self-proclaimed bed rest is that the boys have become much more independent and self-sufficient. I tried to I'm encourage that before but now I'm doing it out of necessity. They now clean up after themselves after every meal (put away extra food, dishes in the sink, water bottles in the fridge, wash their hands, etc) and have gotten great at just following orders the first time, helping out, and getting things for me, etc. Jude can finally strap himself into his own car seat 100%! I think this is a great natural transition into me not being able to spend as much time with them, go out as much, and be as involved. They've gotten much better at playing together and working out their own issues without coming to me. I was exhausted this morning after staying up late last night. The kids got up at 7:30 with Dan, Dan left at 8:30 for clinic, and they let me sleep until 9:30!!! Then Abraham came up, "mommy, have some breakfast?" and he pulled me out of bed. I was so grateful! Their expectations have definitely gone down and I think that's a good thing right now! You're welcome, future wives. </div>
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Update:</div>
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They are both head down and induction date is scheduled for Friday, June 17th! I feel very peaceful about this. It was originally Tuesday but I was able to get it pushed back until Friday. I know it's only a few days, but I am not a fan of inductions and very much believe in letting the baby, or babies, come when they're ready, not at the doctor or mother's convenience. I am grateful just to have even three more days to let them grow inside the way Mother Nature intended! I'm 3 cm as of last Friday so I feel better knowing they are least preparing to come. Thanks to that fact, I won't have to go in the night before and receive Cervidil. </div>
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It works out 100x better for my mom too. She was able to switch her flight to Wednesday and now she can get all her flooring/house situation all situated before leaving my dad alone for a few weeks!</div>
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After yesterday, I feel so much more peaceful and at ease. I know I need to get induced and understand that with my cholestasis and having twins, the benefits of induction outweigh the risks. According to the ultrasound at 34 weeks, Baby A measured 5 lb 9 oz and Baby B measured 6 lb 5 oz! So I know they will be healthy weights and they hopefully won't be little miniature NICU-bound babies!</div>
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Update (6/16/16): Mimi got into town yesterday! It's such a relief to have her here and I am so grateful to her and Dad for their sacrifices for her to be able to come out for so long and help us. </div>
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I am finally feeling emotionally and mentally ready to have the babies. My dear friend, Brittany Heywood, came over a couple days ago and we were able to have a great talk. There really is something about drawing strength from other women. She is so special to me and I hold her words dear to my heart.</div>
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When we were waiting for Abraham to come, I turned a lot to my ancestors to gain strength from their faith and trials. I had been wanting to watch the movie, Ephraim's Rescue, before I had Abraham to give me a final push of strength since one of my direct ancestors, Elizabeth Simpson Bradshaw, is featured in that movie. I was 41 weeks and 4 days and still hadn't gotten around to watching it. That night we watched it and that night mild twinges (I can't even call them contractions because they were so mild) began! Abraham was born at 10:30 the next morning!</div>
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I wanted to watch that movie again so Jude and I watched yesterday while Abraham was sleeping. I was also able to get a blessing from Dan last night and it confirmed to me how much Heavenly Father knows me. I was blessed with the sweetest blessings and heard just what I needed to hear. I am so grateful for a husband worthy to call upon his priesthood and give a powerful blessing at any time. I am so grateful for those powerful words I received and I know I will read them over and over again to find strength as I continue through motherhood. I am so grateful for the peace I feel as I soon will be having one of the most special experiences of my entire life. What an unfathomable blessing Heavenly Father bestows upon his daughters, allowing them to bear children and bring them into this world. I feel privileged to ever be counted among the strong women that my ancestors were and pray that I can raise my children in faith and hard work as they did.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-75511107690470240242016-04-14T11:02:00.003-07:002016-04-15T11:55:00.346-07:00There's two?!?<span style="color: rgba(0 , 0 , 0 , 0.701961); font-family: "uictfonttextstylebody"; font-size: 17px;">I wrote this out a couple months ago right after we found out we're having twins and I'm finally getting around to posting it! I'm really good at not blogging.</span><br />
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<span style="color: rgba(0 , 0 , 0 , 0.701961); font-family: "uictfonttextstylebody"; font-size: 17px;">Wow. Wow! It's absolutely incredible how my life utterly changed in one moment. It has been miraculous. A true blessing and miracle in which I become more and more grateful every day.</span><br />
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I had been waiting for my insurance to go through so I could go see the midwife since I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for a couple months and were so excited to find out in October that we were expecting! There had been some problems with my insurance and it hadn't gone through. I kept setting up appointments to go see the midwives (same group who delivered Abraham) and I kept getting a call the day before telling me my insurance hadn't gone through. I was also originally just going to take Jude with me to the appointment as Dan was in school and I thought it would be a good experience for Jude to be able to see the baby on the ultrasound and spend that one-on-one time with me. </div>
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So my insurance finally went through mid-December and I had an appointment set up for December 22, the day after my parents left town. Since Dan was out of school we decided to make it a family affair and all go! We went into our appointment as calm as could be. The midwife asked us if we had any questions and we didn't have one! We explained how we'd done this before and felt comfortable with the whole process and didn't have any questions or concerns. She proceeded to get the ultrasound ready, so Dan walked up to the side of the bed holding the boys in each arm so they could see. She applied the cool jelly and put the wand on my belly and before we could blink the picture appeared. Dan and I both saw the picture but nothing registered. Then the midwife exclaimed, "Oh! There's two! It's twins!" My eyes got big as I studied the ultrasound and could NOT deny the two perfectly visible little babies on the screen. The one on the right was stretching his arms way up high, smashing the other one and they were kicking and wiggling all around. It was INCREDIBLE!!! I immediately started crying and laughing like a mad woman and just kept repeating, "are you sure?!" and "are you serious?!" I was in shock!!! I was trying to stay still so she could take her pictures and do her measurements but I could not stop myself from laughing and my tummy kept shaking!</div>
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I looked over at Dan and he just had a blank stare on his emotionless face and big huge wide eyes (which remained for several days). He says the thought of having twins had "never crossed (his) mind... ever" so it took him a while to process what was happening! He didn't really have much to say but was just standing there completely dumbfounded.</div>
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Those next few minutes were magical. There was an almost tangible magical, surreal, out-of-body feeling in that room. It was amazing! The thought of having twins had definitely crossed my mind before, but I never entertained the thought that we might ever actually have twins. Since I was adopted, I don't know my family history at all so I had no reason to believe I might ever have twins. I also don't have any of the other predisposing factors (like being older, on fertility treatments, etc). So I really NEVER thought we would have twins! Dan doesn't have any twins on his side but the midwife said it depends completely on the mother's side anyway. I used to think that it would be nice to have twins because they are all close in age and if we homeschool, it would be a benefit to have them closer in age and more on the same level. I had already thought that I wanted to have our fourth closer together than our other ones, well I sure got what I wanted! Dan says he would have been more than happy to stop at 3, but we sure found out that wasn't in the plans for us!</div>
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The midwife told us that they don't see twin births since any twin pregnancy is considered "high risk," so we were referred to a OB/GYN doctor and a perinatologist. We went and got my blood drawn and stayed in shock for at least a few days! Since Christmas was only a few days away, we waited until Christmas to tell our families and many of our friends were out of town. The waiting was so hard! It has been so fun to be able to tell everyone individually though and see their reactions! The first appointment was so surreal and fast and the midwife didn't know a lot about twins/I didn't know anything to ask, so I've been really anxious to go see the doctor and see them again and get some of my questions answered. </div>
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I feel humbled that Heavenly Father is entrusting me with not just one precious baby from heaven, but two! I definitely feel inadequate and not up to the task, but now that I know about them, I wouldn't and couldn't have it any other way! I love them so immensely and my prayers have been so sincere as I pray for their health and safe arrival. </div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">We were originally not going to find out the gender of the baby but now with this curveball we have decided to. There is so much new anxiety and questions, not knowing the genders would be too much!! I have a lot to prepare for and I feel like a first-time mom again! </span></div>
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I am so grateful that I am healthy and have had two healthy pregnancies and pray that this one will be without complications. I know they are more common so I'm trying my best to have realistic expectations. I have a little anxiety when I contemplate how large I'm going to be and how it will be difficult for me to do everything I need to do! I already have an impressive girth (at 12 weeks!) and have started wearing only maternity pants. I have been extremely tired and have had acid reflux and round ligament pain for weeks now and have felt the babies kick starting at ten weeks, I swear! At the time I thought I was crazy but now that I know that's more common in twins, I know it really was them! They were both as healthy as can be. </div>
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They both looked healthy as can be from the mini ultrasound she did. One measured 12 weeks and 2 days and the other measured 12 weeks and 3 days. They appear to be in their own amniotic sacs, meaning they are probably not identical. But we will not know any details until our next appointment at least. The perinatologist squeezed us in for an appointment this coming Thursday. We are so excited! </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-60282760009700071952016-03-17T13:33:00.000-07:002016-03-17T13:51:30.975-07:00Hello world!<div>I <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">took an unintentional break from blogging, but here I am and there's a lot to catch up on! I'm so glad I documented my thoughts throughout my journey of letting go. What a beautiful time of life and literal gift from God! I didn't know it at the time, but my journey of letting go was preparing me for something I hver could have imagined... finding out were having twins! I know Heavenly Father in his infinite wisdom helped me to learn to just let go and simplify my life in so many ways and LOVE more and move forward in my life because he knew I would need it through this next phase of life. I was a LITTLE uptight/high-strung/hard on Dan and myself (and undoubetdly my children!). I wasn't embracing life and just content with the happiness of every day. Can you imagine the stress case and frazzled woman I would have been adding twins to that woman's life?! Heaven help me! And I am so grateful heaven did! I still feel far from "ready" to have twins and I know I won't necessarily ever feel "ready," but I'm grateful I've taken time focusing on MYSELF and my relationship with Dan and my own happiness. I'm afraid I would have just crumbled! I know my journey of letting go is just beginning and I love that. The more I let go, the more beauty and joy I can let in. I have literally seen myself and my life and my marriage TRANSFORM. Not because my life changed or Dan changed, but because I changed. What beautiful lives we live. We are constantly growing and changing and although it can be a little uncomfortable and difficult, we come out more polished and full of joy IF WE LET OURSELVES. There is so much I want to do and learn and become and obtain. We live in a world of limitless possibilities and opportunities for growth and happiness. I want to seek that learning and growth and be my best self and create the best life I can for my family.</span></div>
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Dan finished part one of his boards yesterday! (It's the most difficult part.) And although we won't know if he passed for two months, we have peace and confidence in our future. He worked SO hard studying diligently and preparing for this test. He studied long hours but even through it all he never lost that balance. He still made time for us, studying at home so he could see us for his breaks, changing dirty diapers for me during those breaks, coming out to help out the kids to bed, coming home to dinner NEVER being made and never complaining about it but just dutifully making it himself. He, once again, proved his love and devotion to his family through his actions day in and day out. I am FOREVER grateful for a husband who is dedicated to his family and working hard to provide for us and provide for our future.<br>
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I will write the story of finding out about the twins next! It has been an emotional, overwhelming, and exciting journey letting that sink in! I am now 24 weeks pregnant, look like I'm 9 months pregnant, and am so grateful they are both as healthy as can be! We are being blessed with two more little boys and couldn't be more excited about it! It's the perfect little family for life on the farm! (Which we currently definitely don't have but are working to have it soon!) I am over-the-moon elated that Dan is done with his big test and can spend more time with us and help more! Let the nesting begin...<div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtXe8DP_6f1vmYm97OoKLK-tXAm5gHYXKcb_UXWF3gKlNDW2jMe7dhnSpeWp1i8qElzKx5qgS58yM7iR9g9HuiFDwiYqJExWaXvJpWhvwfqO2ER2zXjRt5DCwo90wLLvIrljrzwO2G-W8/s640/blogger-image--1576717608.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtXe8DP_6f1vmYm97OoKLK-tXAm5gHYXKcb_UXWF3gKlNDW2jMe7dhnSpeWp1i8qElzKx5qgS58yM7iR9g9HuiFDwiYqJExWaXvJpWhvwfqO2ER2zXjRt5DCwo90wLLvIrljrzwO2G-W8/s640/blogger-image--1576717608.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thanksgiving Day!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuH2_62WrnnDch_QROm_VdJRNaEdR4sO9YrhmPppuMfsA-LAPhRpzLzk4rSRBka0BkV2vKcUmCS13OV_KqtwdiidXzQ3Sy0xBFdwckdSmCeW0zTKSDIZyWKeiMSXfUpJOIk0cgwQj6Nkw/s640/blogger-image--57599742.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuH2_62WrnnDch_QROm_VdJRNaEdR4sO9YrhmPppuMfsA-LAPhRpzLzk4rSRBka0BkV2vKcUmCS13OV_KqtwdiidXzQ3Sy0xBFdwckdSmCeW0zTKSDIZyWKeiMSXfUpJOIk0cgwQj6Nkw/s640/blogger-image--57599742.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">13 weeks</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihvaGEuFp_2dvgx5qK8lMgm0nMz7oclftcucCBAq-LT3ykGrBTjMWd119EaT5f5pNqGrRijFg882bkE1UO3W1iAlZyp4b2GwiMoaTUODrEgJBDpV2M5bDzhpiRTRJjTA4UfbxGYAboTM4/s640/blogger-image--626457273.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihvaGEuFp_2dvgx5qK8lMgm0nMz7oclftcucCBAq-LT3ykGrBTjMWd119EaT5f5pNqGrRijFg882bkE1UO3W1iAlZyp4b2GwiMoaTUODrEgJBDpV2M5bDzhpiRTRJjTA4UfbxGYAboTM4/s640/blogger-image--626457273.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">15 weeks</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCmUrU9oZ9z8JNDeQbAkVQVy7m-L_Ly4LAv_quYYV-aNqyKPdre0NWCvRJQv6EentMfeTBnRuF4b3jn8UHKxiaeh-5g2Yaqr8wFfZgX7TXac_iA113-XLwtECn_-zd5DgNQkqk6zdib3Q/s640/blogger-image--390841422.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCmUrU9oZ9z8JNDeQbAkVQVy7m-L_Ly4LAv_quYYV-aNqyKPdre0NWCvRJQv6EentMfeTBnRuF4b3jn8UHKxiaeh-5g2Yaqr8wFfZgX7TXac_iA113-XLwtECn_-zd5DgNQkqk6zdib3Q/s640/blogger-image--390841422.jpg"></a></div></div>16 weeks</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSwmI7faxHAkbcuGJgYzyTHID8ppPRSw6PUx_vbaoT87BvutbXA6EGxcjNTsXFxQTGo0Pu0Yo6971pvNlP7IE3TmSUrU3Kuo23k4SFkLg7HGzV5vIQEgeP9VYnZUCCORDKH21Z0djkgOY/s640/blogger-image--788028386.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSwmI7faxHAkbcuGJgYzyTHID8ppPRSw6PUx_vbaoT87BvutbXA6EGxcjNTsXFxQTGo0Pu0Yo6971pvNlP7IE3TmSUrU3Kuo23k4SFkLg7HGzV5vIQEgeP9VYnZUCCORDKH21Z0djkgOY/s640/blogger-image--788028386.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">20 weeks</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3CyiWStBPm2fk5OpdFAoslHhGb6tAwcaQifHWs_MVa3ux1JcUYAKMX1E2d7KrFlJTJkmak8ve5xWLfyyh8d76qq3ZG-reILdQn5eBmbaKAdQBbRsUFt3vP12RS2cWrY0swq-cZyfKnCg/s640/blogger-image--1141975778.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3CyiWStBPm2fk5OpdFAoslHhGb6tAwcaQifHWs_MVa3ux1JcUYAKMX1E2d7KrFlJTJkmak8ve5xWLfyyh8d76qq3ZG-reILdQn5eBmbaKAdQBbRsUFt3vP12RS2cWrY0swq-cZyfKnCg/s640/blogger-image--1141975778.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Dan after he finished his BOARDS!!!!!!! Best husband ever! </div><br></div><br></div><br></div><br></div><br>
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<br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-22391662752406540812015-09-30T14:52:00.001-07:002015-10-07T12:06:36.047-07:00Ourselves.'We are mothers. We pride ourselves in taking care of our children, and others, and putting ourselves last. We may not do this intentionally, it just happens by our nature and the demanding nature of young children.<br />
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I've recently discovered the >>>JOY<<< of taking care of myself! It is magnificent. It is life-changing. I realized I was very selfless by nature and in always caring for others and not myself, I had become slightly unhappy because I was DRAINED. As I have had this God-given change of heart over these last few months, this is one of the major changes I've made, and it's made one of the biggest differences in my overall happiness. I was talking with some friends the other day and someone mentioned the sheer necessity of taking care of ourselves and two different women asked, "how do we do that?!" I was surprised that this idea was new to them but I quickly realized I was in there same place not long ago. I am so elated to be past that place and be where I am today. I always knew I <i>should</i> "take care of myself" but I didn't think it was really possible or have any practical ideas to really do it. I thought I would share a few ideas I've learned on how to be just a little more selfish and take care of OURSELVES! (And don't worry, it's not <i>really</i> being selfish. Doing so makes everyone around us happier, especially our husbands and children!)</div>
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1. Politely but firmly excuse yourself of guilt. </div>
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Have you ever gone out for a girls night or dropped your little ones off for a friend to watch them during an appointment? After you dropped them off did you wonder and worry about how they were doing and check up on them and hurry home as quickly as possible? Or did you fully enjoy your time away from them? However small or for whatever reason you are away, make the most of it! There is nothing to feel guilty about when leaving them. You are their MOTHER. You give your all to them day and night. When you get a little break, TAKE IT! Make it just that, a break! Don't fret over your children the whole time or feel like, "oh, I should be there. They probably need me..." Turn your mom-o-meter off and enjoy yourself! Think about yourself, your goals, your dreams, your interests, listen to your favorite songs, etc.</div>
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2. "Daddy's in charge."</div>
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With me working, we've had the blessing of having Dan get to spend full days taking care of the kids, from morning until night. I'd come home and anxiously ask him how the day was. He would casually reply how they ate great vegetable-filled meals without complaint, went BM with no issues, didn't complain and whine, casually took a nap on the couch, played independently while Dan cleaned the whole house and made homemade bread, and happily went to bed at 6:30. I was bewildered. One time, Dan took the boys to church when I wasn't feeling well and Dan said Jude fell asleep in the car, transferred into the church pew, and slept all the way through Sacrament meeting on the chairs. THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME. I would watch Dan and us and wonder what was different. Why were the kids so much more independent and easy-going when I wasn't around? I realized when I was around I would micromanage not only my kids but Dan and how he took care of them. "They need this! Don't forget to do this..." etc. I would also get on Dan's case about not giving them enough attention and "ignoring them." But if they were more well-behaved when I wasn't around, maybe my constant worrying and doting was just making them more whiney and dependent.</div>
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Sometimes, when I would get home from being away, they (mostly Jude) would start whining, crying, and complaining. I would ask Dan if he'd been like this and he said, "no, not at all!" I realized I had a lot to learn from Dan and he needed to take the reigns to teach <i>me</i> a thing or two. When we were all together from then on, I would say "Daddy's in charge!" And anytime the kids would need something (from some food to some discipline) I would gladly tell them that Daddy's in charge and if they needed something to talk to him. I learned a lot from watching his more relaxed approach and it's helped me try to apply those principles in how I care for them.</div>
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One time, Jude turned to me and in an extremely whiney, high-pitched, complaining voice he said, "Mommy, but I really want some waaaaatermelon." ALL I said was "Daddy's in charge." He turned to Dan and he said in the most pleasant, appropriate voice, "Daddy, can I please have some watermelon?" To say I was shocked and appalled would be an understatement.</div>
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3. Budget time and money for you, mama!<br />
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I'm a really frugal person by nature and my natural response to anything that cost any money was always the same, "<i>no thanks</i>." I just didn't spend money on anything "extra." I wouldn't go to play dates at the toddler gym because it cost. We wouldn't go out with friends because of the money. I wouldn't go out on girls nights to save the money. Since my change of heart, I realized it was OKAY to spend some money on MYSELF. Yes, we don't make any money. And yes, we're in debt, but I can't wait until we're financially stable to start LIVING MY LIFE. That is essentially what I was doing. I was missing out on opportunities, experiences, and little drops in my happiness bucket because I didn't want to spend the extra dollars. Well, things have changed. I'm worth it. My kids are worth it. It may only add up to an extra few hundred dollars a year. That is worth me going out to get ice cream with my girlfriends. That is worth me and the kids going on an outing to the museum. That is worth Dan and I paying for a real babysitter and going out to dinner. </div>
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When I was first coming out of my sadness hermitdom, I NEEDED some time to myself. My dear mother knew I was struggling and knew I needed a break so she gifted me for my birthday some money to pay for a babysitter and just go out by myself in the day and recharge. I would also hire a young 12-year-old girl from my church congregation, have her come over after I put the kids to bed, and I would leave her a list of nitty gritty chores to do around the house! How ingenious is that?! My kids were in bed and I would come home to a clean house. And that girl could work! You have to really look around to find the right boy or girl who is willing to work. It felt amazing to go out on a date and then come home to a cleaner house. Win. Win. Win. </div>
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We also do date night swaps with our friends. We will put our kids to bed and have a friend come over and hang out on our couch for two hours while we go out. Then we will return the favor another night! Win. Win. </div>
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Now I'm the one planning dates with Dan and girl's nights out with my girls. It has honestly helped me so much to let go of my extreme need to not spend. I AM WORTH IT. (Say that out loud in a confident, convincing voice!)</div>
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One more example. My friend's husband was out of town for a whole month on a medical school rotation. She had been through pretty much everything that month and she decided to take herself out on a date! She went to a steakhouse and enjoyed a nice, quiet meal by herself. She then went to a movie! You go girl!<br />
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4. Truly believe the fact that you're worth it and you deserve it.</div>
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You are worth it! You are beautiful inside and out. Embrace this fact by taking care of yourself. My grandmother used to say, "you have to fill your own tank before you can fill anyone else's."<br />
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5. Realize it's okay to put your needs before your childrens sometimes.</div>
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I used to <i>exhaust</i> myself "taking care" of my children all day. I wouldn't even give my mind a break. I was always thinking about what they needed next, what I needed to do for them, etc. By evening I was a dehydrated, dysfunctional sponge. When I realized I deserved more, it changed everything. My friends have running group, walki group, and play group. I didn't go for a YEAR after Abraham was born because he needed his nap, etc. I started to get depressed. I wasn't living my life as whole-heartedly and passionately as I could and I felt like something was missing. I had to "take care of the kids" by staying home to cook, clean,ap and let them nap?! They weren't living either. Now we go running with friends twice a week, walki at the park once a week, and play group once a week. So four mornings every week I am out exercising, enjoying being outside, chatting with my friends, and my children are playing with other kids and we get a break from each other. It's marvelous. I'm not bei selfish by going out running so I can be fit. It's as much for them as it is for me! I am happier and healthier, so I'm a better mother and wife and friend and person! </div>
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6. Take advantage of the small moments. At the park, bring a book.</div>
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Like I said, I used to not even give my mind a break from the worry and angst of motherhood. I have let it go. I've let it all go. I've embraced the fact that I can't heal Jude immediately, I can't ensure a lengthy nap for Abraham every day. I can't control that my children will eat a perfectly balanced meal three times a day. I have stopped worrying about things I can't change. And my mind now has so much more time and space to learn more and just be <i>content</i>. I read more now. (Full blog post all about that below) After the kids eat and they are settled, I leisurely lie down on the couch and read a book. If they come up to me needing something, I politely tell them that I am reading right now and I'll talk to them in a minute. I deserve that time. I don't have to wait until they are both in bed to enjoy some time to recharge myself. When I go to the park or story time at the library. I will bring a book or my journal and excuse myself from my duties (safety is always my duty, of course, and I never excuse myself from that!) and enjoy MY time in peace. Even if it's only ten minutes. That's ten minutes. I don't feel the need to catch my child at he bottom of the slide, meet them at the other side of the tunnel, or narrate their play. It's good for them to have a little independence, interact with other children, and feel like I trust them to play on their own. (This obviously varies greatly by the age and circumstances of your children. Mine are just joyfully at the ages where they can play at the park on their own pretty safely.)</div>
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If your husband gets home early and can help out the kids to bed, tell him you are going to let him experience the joy of putting the kids to bed on his own and you will be locked in the bedroom. Take advantage of any opportunity you need to nourish yourself! You know when you are stretched too thin and you need to take care of yourself. You deserve it! Make it happen!</div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">7. Try to maintain a more long-term perspective.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A dear friend of mine, after having two boys very close together, has made "all is well that ends well" her motto. How refreshing! Don't get too caught up in the moment. Remember that they are growing. They won't be babies forever. They won't be toddlers forever. They will grow so fast and before long they won't want to spend every waking hour with you. When they get a little older they play together! Without supervision?! (I hear that will happen eventually.) It's okay if they don't get their vitamins today. It's okay if they look homeless today. It's okay if your house is a wreck. They won't remember what the house looked like or what you made (or didn't make) for dinner. They'll remember how they felt at home. They'll remember how mom made them always feel loved and special.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I love the wise words of Jeffrey R. Holland, "Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You're doing better than you think you are."</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I have reconnected with my love for dancing throughout this journey of finding myself again. It's an outlet for me. I dance as often as possible. The other day while Jude was asleep, I felt like dancing! And recording it. So I did. Now that was a three minutes well-spent and I feel like I rock star when I watch it. I'm sharing this because I feel like it perfectly depicts the new me and how I've just learned to embrace life. No, I didn't get all ready that day and I didn't make a fancy dinner, but I was happy. :)</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-26183285658614336412015-09-24T11:08:00.001-07:002015-09-24T11:14:44.012-07:00Loyal.Last night I was leaving the house and I told Jude I was leaving and gave him a big hug and kiss and told him I loved him and good night. He seemed totally (okay, relatively) okay with it. I walked to the door and when I turned around to bid one last adieu, he had trampled off towards the stairs. I figured he had ran up the stairs to see Daddy.<div><br></div><div>I was talking to Dan about it later that evening and Dan asked, "So Jude was pretty upset that you left?" I explained to him that no, she was happy as could be! Dan told me that when he came downstairs and saw Jude he looked like he'd been crying. Dan asked him if he'd been crying and he replied, "I haven't been crying." He then shuffled over to the chair and pointed to two wet puddles on the cushion. Dan asked, "Have you been crying on the chair?" Jude confessed that he had, after all. They then embraced and all was well.</div><div><br></div><div>Sometimes it gets a little exhausting to feel so overwhelmed by young children who are so dependent and especially partial to the assistance of their mothers. But moments like this help me remember how precious this time is. I left the house and he was so overcome he just burst into tears because he just longed to be with me! Can you imagine if I got that sad when Dan left the house? Besides that I would probably be unstable, it's just evidence of how passionate children are in their love. They're not trying to be strong. They just love us so much it almost hurts! They are so transparent and innocent. </div><div><br></div><div>Jude is sleeping in his teepee and almost every night he comes in and climbs into bed with us, usually first thing in the morning. I've tried to get him to stay in his bed and he knows he's supposed to stay. So now almost every morning when I wake up, he's lying so uncomfortably on the floor. He just wants to be near me! He would rather lie on the hard floor and be within a few feet of me than be in his nice, cozy bed. How precious. I remember feeling that way as a child, I just wanted to be BY my mom and dad! Jude is so loyal to me and I'm so grateful. I hope to cultivate our relationship and develop that trust so he will always want to be with me and consider me someone he can always trust and talk to and who is always there for him!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Q_H1xcXTU7Z8LeEDxYs_f5xNmG-Jl2BYyUt8rzdon6JIJalWpB98A8YkHDN2YQwfu11se9hCO30ZujKfrioJe7WP6utLZd93k7DSp0PrHVS53OzkZBkUQgEeJv4k0hw7KbK5ZYtolRs/s640/blogger-image--632330132.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Q_H1xcXTU7Z8LeEDxYs_f5xNmG-Jl2BYyUt8rzdon6JIJalWpB98A8YkHDN2YQwfu11se9hCO30ZujKfrioJe7WP6utLZd93k7DSp0PrHVS53OzkZBkUQgEeJv4k0hw7KbK5ZYtolRs/s640/blogger-image--632330132.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5JW1HyBOfxpjkuSzBDOHXK6ycrwf66kkqNYlookkfqi-Rk1dW5FiEqTzCGzDt0fqdaQ9qAPXI4WzNiXjWW6uxhaDSZwOBHnkr_oueRzAsck30JP1L3XFqG5WTnF6LlZKXDjJx0vN0vKY/s640/blogger-image-1207695421.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5JW1HyBOfxpjkuSzBDOHXK6ycrwf66kkqNYlookkfqi-Rk1dW5FiEqTzCGzDt0fqdaQ9qAPXI4WzNiXjWW6uxhaDSZwOBHnkr_oueRzAsck30JP1L3XFqG5WTnF6LlZKXDjJx0vN0vKY/s640/blogger-image-1207695421.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-17420775191765230102015-09-04T05:50:00.001-07:002015-09-04T05:50:37.235-07:00Preschool for Jude!My little boy is a school-goer! He started preschool and we are excited for him and his growth. My friend here in town transformed a room in her house into a preschool room and has a great little set-up. She's spent a lot of time creating lesson plans and games and songs and other activities for the boys! His class is 9:00-11:30 on Tuesdays and Thursday's and there are five boys in his class! <div><br></div><div>I'm really excited for him to progress and have this experience. He's so ready and had no problem at all going off on his own! </div><div><br></div><div>I thought it started at 9:30 and spent the morning getting everyone and everythingn all ready! My thoughtful friend, Brittany, texted me, "are you coming?" And I got a pit in my stomach when I realized what I'd done!! Our pleasant morning quickly became chaos and we rushed into the car and off we went! Luckily our neighbor, Kara, was in the same boat as me and we were late together!</div><div><br></div><div>Jude didn't have much to say about it but it wasn't hard to tell he really enjoyed it! He learned about the letter "A" and later in the day asked questions about te days of the week. We also worked on his A sticker worksheet and I was proud of his determination in doing a good job on it!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4lQ97uXXQyga9FralSopQGWPVU2z6HESEaexn30T8hPgnOVY7SNxNSawn3QrQ7YIrr80vx5TyBEnqYnLE7nkR7R3uf10KzXMbTOS6kO9am75ECQc576aClLfp9MlB7WgINfj5aUIr3Nw/s640/blogger-image-802324738.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4lQ97uXXQyga9FralSopQGWPVU2z6HESEaexn30T8hPgnOVY7SNxNSawn3QrQ7YIrr80vx5TyBEnqYnLE7nkR7R3uf10KzXMbTOS6kO9am75ECQc576aClLfp9MlB7WgINfj5aUIr3Nw/s640/blogger-image-802324738.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhDZTMUCrL1De-Aow1pFgc1ohxmBkZWutOGy9ReZ9fXOwyL-ijF2e3CxcxP6wif6Ei6J0SVLm8oy3iLGiTuahyphenhyphenvUd3TJvWA7NvB2gaWLeqLiwNROseqPKkGPcZdDd6GLmFGFQeYGAyFcw/s640/blogger-image--22236400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhDZTMUCrL1De-Aow1pFgc1ohxmBkZWutOGy9ReZ9fXOwyL-ijF2e3CxcxP6wif6Ei6J0SVLm8oy3iLGiTuahyphenhyphenvUd3TJvWA7NvB2gaWLeqLiwNROseqPKkGPcZdDd6GLmFGFQeYGAyFcw/s640/blogger-image--22236400.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieJQK7HKi9MlFBU2yj0f379MStjd1tc-Mt5ltfRtpcQ-tH3VCrlA866lfSwH2LdRnpmyk8jlIvk9kcJuXD_ErVgBeM7Albak8tgB2cfuO-pjVxCasugQ5yWOJf6VD92jcc1NCq9aB4Bt8/s640/blogger-image--1727379691.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieJQK7HKi9MlFBU2yj0f379MStjd1tc-Mt5ltfRtpcQ-tH3VCrlA866lfSwH2LdRnpmyk8jlIvk9kcJuXD_ErVgBeM7Albak8tgB2cfuO-pjVxCasugQ5yWOJf6VD92jcc1NCq9aB4Bt8/s640/blogger-image--1727379691.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrvSv_udRsh44AEq17-K-UGHMHolo70FrrjWGnLX3MM8eb21P9BeGCVIq-XIpZ_7-wge-zMA81B9QMnb57P6KpHtFpKn5qKGutccaEfOIsCmlsDDGwL1uIjh1lJIdN3gGtrlcaCx9FEjU/s640/blogger-image-1139624127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrvSv_udRsh44AEq17-K-UGHMHolo70FrrjWGnLX3MM8eb21P9BeGCVIq-XIpZ_7-wge-zMA81B9QMnb57P6KpHtFpKn5qKGutccaEfOIsCmlsDDGwL1uIjh1lJIdN3gGtrlcaCx9FEjU/s640/blogger-image-1139624127.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-14420736686043859592015-08-26T11:21:00.001-07:002015-09-09T13:17:06.043-07:00Fleeting chubby facesDan showed me a 18 second video clip yesterday from his phone that I had never seen. It was Jude at 2 and his favorite color was "mama" and my heart was breaking. Life is so surreal. Jude was my ENTIRE world then, yet I don't readily remember details about the things he would say, how his voice sounded, how he looked when he walked, or his favorite things to do. At the time, I'm sure I felt like he'd be two forever and I couldn't imagine ever forgetting all those things I experienced every day. But I have. Sometimes I'll look back on Abraham's entire first year and wonder what we did, what his firsts were, of how his little boy looked as he crawled. All I seem to be able to see is he moment I'm in right now. Sometimes I anticipate future stages or mourn over the loss of past stages. But how can I embrace and find joy in right now? (which will surely help me to remember it more)<div><br></div><div>Sometimes my boys will say or do something so heart-breakingly cute, but I'm in a hurry to do whatever "needs" to be done and I don't stop to write it down. I think, "oh, I'll remember it and write it down later." Or I'm just used to their cuteness I take it for granted! </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh06ZiPbysKxMSE-ScQVp6ljcO9wbmPlNmmB88mQq5W1KznCwAPWAjiaSN6UbNguw9ragitTjsB5SbqM8jLUS9i3xUkMEmOKXB473hSC_A2fWkxQQWIz40c2BTkHg9JAB8ScO9_8Ikpd_Y/s640/blogger-image-766849281.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh06ZiPbysKxMSE-ScQVp6ljcO9wbmPlNmmB88mQq5W1KznCwAPWAjiaSN6UbNguw9ragitTjsB5SbqM8jLUS9i3xUkMEmOKXB473hSC_A2fWkxQQWIz40c2BTkHg9JAB8ScO9_8Ikpd_Y/s640/blogger-image-766849281.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Right now I am vowing to prioritize journaling and writing down the things they say and do as one of my top. Before I know it they will be reading chapter books in their room and I will wonder where my needy babies went. I want to have plenty of pictures, videos, and written memories so I will never forget. (Organizing them is a whole new problem I have not yet confronted!) I do enjoy the simplicity of Instagram and Chatbook, but I also don't like feeling constrained to their rules and I don't like feeling like I'm journaling TO other people (as opposed to simply writing for myself or for posterity's sake.) Anyway, here are a few things I never want to forget. (Along with a few unrelated pictures!)</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnDgQ4gatkry9i3hYNTfTzGOKuRXQ55qxZZ1PNQctgLaAJevSs9mi1XjMTfEj3U06-5-6jrrqaKT_xlLQCywr0X4lGvpfxxiggsN0vc-LtBEf6BqeKiG8DvwXKPdcafb4LXLXT8Y46L6k/s640/blogger-image--852066790.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnDgQ4gatkry9i3hYNTfTzGOKuRXQ55qxZZ1PNQctgLaAJevSs9mi1XjMTfEj3U06-5-6jrrqaKT_xlLQCywr0X4lGvpfxxiggsN0vc-LtBEf6BqeKiG8DvwXKPdcafb4LXLXT8Y46L6k/s640/blogger-image--852066790.jpg"></a></div></div><div><br></div><div>... ... ...</div><div><br></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">December 31, 2014: "I went to the store. I saw a big huge Easter bunny. I really liked it. I was two years old. It was in Texas it was a long, long time ago." (Randomly remembered from 8 months previous and we hadn't talked about it since!)</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE8vOmV10cQ29oBPmFqbzkzMhhO_svj1392un7IQVDwkTmx_igFkMcYTK_kNdfD_3gUmSq8z3ewCRuLJkbk2EIFDY2yZg1m0gp24f2bBXltKIIFYPQBo-vmirDUuVPtdId21qUR3h2_MI/s640/blogger-image-769063944.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE8vOmV10cQ29oBPmFqbzkzMhhO_svj1392un7IQVDwkTmx_igFkMcYTK_kNdfD_3gUmSq8z3ewCRuLJkbk2EIFDY2yZg1m0gp24f2bBXltKIIFYPQBo-vmirDUuVPtdId21qUR3h2_MI/s640/blogger-image-769063944.jpg"></a></div></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">... ... ...</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">April 2015</span><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"> - "My heartbeat is telling me that wasn't very nice."</span></span></div><div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Those fruit flies are heart-attacking those oranges."</span></div></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj40diHdMMbn3w1WgryaojB4Vc_yIopSFNFnjcsYy1S2j5-Kjj89YtHmLZHBlW-3KBZ8RNsR103cZuHyY-e6jHw-TBtddCK5nKss06BU7-vMuQOUN3DOr6xe-uww42ex5uaQWXAB8uAtUs/s640/blogger-image--337587968.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj40diHdMMbn3w1WgryaojB4Vc_yIopSFNFnjcsYy1S2j5-Kjj89YtHmLZHBlW-3KBZ8RNsR103cZuHyY-e6jHw-TBtddCK5nKss06BU7-vMuQOUN3DOr6xe-uww42ex5uaQWXAB8uAtUs/s640/blogger-image--337587968.jpg"></a></div></span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">... ... ...</span></div><div><br></div><div>Jude went to primary in Las Vegas (August 2015). It was his first time going to a different primary and I was so proud of how mature and independent and unafraid he was. The teacher also informed me that he was very reverent and "perfect!" On the way home, I asked how church was. He replied that it was good. He then said, "there were some girls at church..." I replied, "Oh? What were the girls like?" Then for the first time of his life he did a embarrassed sounding exhale giggle and said, "they were really pretty." When probed further he said, " I were a couple seats away from them. I saw some big girls." I asked him about it a couple more times and each time he did the embarrassed, bashful exhale giggle and would tell me they were pretty! I was dying! This natural attraction for girls is just that, natural, and it makes me a little nervous!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSKADxpV1JcOPDbGzCeY0e6KwjkK1SF6g_Cn7jneZD0fA-W7PruqeoUqb7uOm1i8Zr7TcbNZE6Zo-3nz5DbUr6bi8SweUJ6waOw0a5w66AiA_HeojBiuCkvgVv98zJTsKK1FULt9WZ560/s640/blogger-image-1389713278.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSKADxpV1JcOPDbGzCeY0e6KwjkK1SF6g_Cn7jneZD0fA-W7PruqeoUqb7uOm1i8Zr7TcbNZE6Zo-3nz5DbUr6bi8SweUJ6waOw0a5w66AiA_HeojBiuCkvgVv98zJTsKK1FULt9WZ560/s640/blogger-image-1389713278.jpg"></a></div></div><div><br></div><div>... ... ...</div><div><br></div><div>All the following are from Summer 2015 (age 3 1/2)-</div><div><br></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Jude: What would happen if Heavenly Father did something wrong?</span></div><div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Dan: Heavenly Father can't.</span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">J: What if he did?</span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">D: Then would cease to be Heavenly Father.</span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">J: Who would he be then?</span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">D: He would just be a normal person.</span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">J: And then we'd have to take him to the chief judge?</span></div></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQP2NJY4VxlR5EJLmF9Ow1A_nNc7e8Fsn_cmuEknj3Sn8ucsiFDqM-yZ1UyQWngR5B5x4L6Wop-SoGuVnkkyKCv1Atukl4RHP0Cd_MbfeHzRDVvEOrsYS8aYGa66Ig30qWJAevkXAbYk4/s640/blogger-image-92652552.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQP2NJY4VxlR5EJLmF9Ow1A_nNc7e8Fsn_cmuEknj3Sn8ucsiFDqM-yZ1UyQWngR5B5x4L6Wop-SoGuVnkkyKCv1Atukl4RHP0Cd_MbfeHzRDVvEOrsYS8aYGa66Ig30qWJAevkXAbYk4/s640/blogger-image-92652552.jpg"></a></div></span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">... ... ...</div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">We saw a food truck on the side of the river while floating down the Comal River. Jude saw it and asked, "Is that the mobile library?"</span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_xglVv9J0wjs6bUSm1Q65MBqmxVk-Zwt6q05VXBnXOIXl9m-Xywr1LAxqICuCP_90Usn0aV1JlJFRcqhcv6-NG-BHVDOJvZLIB1wuuIMMCowr5gbAB8xl_nAtPs9Glvlk7ByFvRdG6Ac/s640/blogger-image-1771336104.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_xglVv9J0wjs6bUSm1Q65MBqmxVk-Zwt6q05VXBnXOIXl9m-Xywr1LAxqICuCP_90Usn0aV1JlJFRcqhcv6-NG-BHVDOJvZLIB1wuuIMMCowr5gbAB8xl_nAtPs9Glvlk7ByFvRdG6Ac/s640/blogger-image-1771336104.jpg"></a></div></div></span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">... ... ...</span></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div>(I was at work and this is Dan telling me about what they did while I was gone!)</div><div><br></div><div>"We had Family Home Evening and our lesson was on being fishers of men and how Jesus told his disciples to teach the Gospel. So we got fishing line and braided them into bracelets and put them on the boys. Jude cut his own pieces and was so excited when we were making his. He said "I'm never taking mine off. I'm going to show it to all the animals when we have a farm. I'm gonna wear it when I'm a Daddy. I'm going to wear it all the way up to heaven." </div><div>Abraham loved his too. Before bed I said "Abraham let's take yours off" and he just kept yelling "no!" and was pulling his hand away. So they're both still wearing theirs!"</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVa2OS1CpNdG7JMK96fp3dTEgQD_tFGjCscCbHQUrUmbu1ZmPPwrKJaZ4Na_EB7t-e_kPh_RnZ4iwZ8_X_iGtd8f-VvBDJGWToSM1c2lE3CfqybBrt63G9M57XzT9v3xn3x9PY3hgtxSk/s640/blogger-image-1898379364.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVa2OS1CpNdG7JMK96fp3dTEgQD_tFGjCscCbHQUrUmbu1ZmPPwrKJaZ4Na_EB7t-e_kPh_RnZ4iwZ8_X_iGtd8f-VvBDJGWToSM1c2lE3CfqybBrt63G9M57XzT9v3xn3x9PY3hgtxSk/s640/blogger-image-1898379364.jpg"></a></div></div><div><br></div><div>... ... ...</div><div><br></div><div><span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">J</span><span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">udes prayer this morning: (age 3) </span></div><div><span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Heavenly Father please bless daddy and mommy and Abraham and jude. We went to the temple and saw where you used to live. Please bless Mimi and papa and tubby and Mimi and papa and Abraham Lincoln and Steve Irwin and tubby. When are my brother and sister going to come down from heaven?"</span></div><div><span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiUiog0WGEKYZVHx37RfUan2XKopoJU2JIQ9mmKES9NsIVdc1j3XfCwevEDRge2HVayKw19CBzXf4xS2JTfp9qkTqwwianPYGVh8Oj8jq4jAYBbRGszw1Hj65MGo0nH8CzpkrD_-0Qnsg/s640/blogger-image--564250892.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiUiog0WGEKYZVHx37RfUan2XKopoJU2JIQ9mmKES9NsIVdc1j3XfCwevEDRge2HVayKw19CBzXf4xS2JTfp9qkTqwwianPYGVh8Oj8jq4jAYBbRGszw1Hj65MGo0nH8CzpkrD_-0Qnsg/s640/blogger-image--564250892.jpg"></a></div></span></div><div><span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">... ... ...</span></div><div><span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Some people don't have any God. You know what I'd do? I'd give them some of my God. Because I'm filled with God. I have tons of God in me!"</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYDMcmtxrLA7qp7S38FvpMUnZY0R6ckx8-3LIUtq0vOVkHCxDXmJSrdMgXupOvuHCOrFu22KTdNN6luo05DWHfZ1xIP-Vw65T7wJpyt2kYP45_A98djWNf8xdUx5LjUuuc2SlZAHs8v8w/s640/blogger-image--198484731.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYDMcmtxrLA7qp7S38FvpMUnZY0R6ckx8-3LIUtq0vOVkHCxDXmJSrdMgXupOvuHCOrFu22KTdNN6luo05DWHfZ1xIP-Vw65T7wJpyt2kYP45_A98djWNf8xdUx5LjUuuc2SlZAHs8v8w/s640/blogger-image--198484731.jpg"></a></div></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">... ... ...</span></div><div><span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jude: "Does gas make cars go?"</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Rachael: "Yes."</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jude: "Do toots make cars go?"</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Rachael: "No..."</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jude: "Why? It's gas."</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvQ3vDNvVttj2fH_cxKqv7ciecQvyO_KrbyI1OELmE_4IsNHmTC0jeQWmnJRVnymmGyYKMcaH5xMlUsY2NZ3SUJHhjryKnA2Ed2jYwM7_Cr0Kq1K_1qZFloeP3VlDI9B2lxdtSioje9AQ/s640/blogger-image--838294874.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvQ3vDNvVttj2fH_cxKqv7ciecQvyO_KrbyI1OELmE_4IsNHmTC0jeQWmnJRVnymmGyYKMcaH5xMlUsY2NZ3SUJHhjryKnA2Ed2jYwM7_Cr0Kq1K_1qZFloeP3VlDI9B2lxdtSioje9AQ/s640/blogger-image--838294874.jpg"></a></div></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">... ... ...</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">I was putting Jude to bed in his crib and as I was turning around to leave, Jude said in his tiny little voice:</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Mommy, I just love you and I would really love it if you sat with me for a little while."</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So I sat outside of his crib and just touched his little face and sang to him. There are no words to describe those moments!</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA2bEOMFZuImz45sYuFScmkfWsMJLSC0kCR-zhF6bsLu0XMz7q8XVah7W8aLsnKmjmgn0lFK-Kdo7mCEg6Yx4hhH-VylbeZPBpQ7UiPzxFdyQ5IUOcxeH36WnI0H1LIkmpdxKhDj2dcd4/s640/blogger-image--192774859.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA2bEOMFZuImz45sYuFScmkfWsMJLSC0kCR-zhF6bsLu0XMz7q8XVah7W8aLsnKmjmgn0lFK-Kdo7mCEg6Yx4hhH-VylbeZPBpQ7UiPzxFdyQ5IUOcxeH36WnI0H1LIkmpdxKhDj2dcd4/s640/blogger-image--192774859.jpg"></a></div></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">... ... ...</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"I just want want to move on out of this hot world. I'm ready for fall."</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_HfmDQ21Ks8jpCEBn59e6lvfI1n6nqL6fuyw3IJo8tnMAccAqfvtYV1No8UAqPljTgbdDblCweLWmNgco7oNf2YBfGJtwPoeaftYo6WT4ME9UfVOb9nx6UTQHiDEPrIsioBd2cZWhy2s/s640/blogger-image-625632143.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_HfmDQ21Ks8jpCEBn59e6lvfI1n6nqL6fuyw3IJo8tnMAccAqfvtYV1No8UAqPljTgbdDblCweLWmNgco7oNf2YBfGJtwPoeaftYo6WT4ME9UfVOb9nx6UTQHiDEPrIsioBd2cZWhy2s/s640/blogger-image-625632143.jpg"></a></div></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">... ... ...</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jude's prayer this morning:</span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Please bless us that we won't </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">die before we get to move to the woods!"</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQMnXdVIEdXSBjuaxTEAbFUF6-wnMl7ztyvk4_jQHu-9VtTCfNhIwxMU9Dk8dbRe7fHJ8VlY7NtXRHDhfwpev9yPellSF7hEtlnKe8HEPP9gmo-FQ5YlgxpflYtCSk1Qz-Xfssb4pT-bw/s640/blogger-image--476482153.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQMnXdVIEdXSBjuaxTEAbFUF6-wnMl7ztyvk4_jQHu-9VtTCfNhIwxMU9Dk8dbRe7fHJ8VlY7NtXRHDhfwpev9yPellSF7hEtlnKe8HEPP9gmo-FQ5YlgxpflYtCSk1Qz-Xfssb4pT-bw/s640/blogger-image--476482153.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-30508066925276001882015-08-16T12:32:00.001-07:002015-09-09T13:15:48.987-07:00The power of reading.<div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">A few months ago I had an awakening, a rebirth, a complete change of heart. And it has changed my life. I was a really "gifted" reader as a child, according to standardized tests, but throughout my schooling I would refer to Spark Notes more than I would read an actual book. It seemed daunting and unrealistic to read through a whole book. As I've ventured into motherhood, I put reading into a fantasy cloud of my middle-aged future. "I don't have time to read." I would say. About a year before </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">"Super Nutrition for Babies"</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">literally changed my life and spring-boarded me into the world of whole foods and nutrition, which has become a great passion for me and it many ways has led Jude on his path to healing and health.</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">I also read the first half of </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">"French Kids Eat Everything" by Pamela Druckerman </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">and it showed me a new reality of how we don't have to have spoiled, "picky" eaters for children. It taught me a LOT. (And I didn't even have the gusto to finish the whole book!)</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Then my reading hiatus begins again after Abraham was born. I had "no time."</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Then my epic change of heart and mind occurred where I decided to make time for myself, start reading and expand my mind.</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">It started out with an inspired text from a friend around this same time recommending a few books to me. I focused in on</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">"Hands-Free Mama" by Rachel Macy Stafford.</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">It was written for me at that time. She eloquently and clearly expressed so many thoughts I had felt but didn't know how to articulate (or even think) in a concrete way. It gave me hope and inspiration and ideas and tools and everything else I didn't even know I needed. It was EPIC.</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">I was so thirsty for more. I was super bummed when I finished the book so we scurried over to the library and I picked up </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">"How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm" by Mei-Ling Hopgood and then</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">"100 Tips for French Parenting" and then </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">"Bringing Up Bebe" and my mind was</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Ba-Lown.</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">These books showed me how my definition of "a good mother" was completely cultural and there were a hundred incredible ways to really be "a good mother." I was already a mother all my own and did what I felt was best for my children, and then reading and expanding on these ideas rocked my world. This probably doesn't make a lot of sense because I'm not getting into everything specifically. But it was incredibly refreshing and guilt-abandoning and refreshing to learn about raising children in other cultures and what works for them. </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">The American "culture" of bringing up our babies is far from my ideal and I now feel so much more confident in who I am and how I raise my boys. It is okay to be a different kind of mother than everyone around me. It's refreshing. It's how we learn from each other and grow.</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">I'm so grateful that I have overcome my non-reading ways and have realized the power and growth that comes from reading good books. Now I can't read enough. There are so many people to be inspired by and so much to learn. I recently read </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">"Camilla" </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">the biography of Camilla Eyring Kimball (President Kimball's wife). This woman was a powerhouse of faith, but she was also a REAL woman who went through trials and had many insecurities of her own. She is so honest and shares her struggles from sore nipples in breastfeeding to being lonely and missing her busy husband. It is so INCREDIBLY refreshing to me to read about the lives and times of others. I am drawn to and intrigued by other time periods and absolutely love learning details about the lives of inspiring women. I highly recommend all these books and if any of them sound interesting to you, grab a copy at the library! </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">And let's not fail to add, "The Magic of Tidying Up - The Japanese Art of Decluttering." See blog post below for more that one! But it once again - changed my life! (I don't throw that term out loosely, people. My life has literally been changed and these books have helped!)</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Side note: My boys and I can't get to the library enough! We loved going to the library every week or two and borrowing 20, 30, or even 40 books!! It is so fun for us to have new books to read and we always learning. As I have started to read more (and read around the children), I have noticed a significant increase in their desire to read. I will find them both flipping through books on their own. Jude will look through interesting books and come running up to me asking me questions about what it means. Abraham will waddle up to me with a little board book and say "book! book!" It's been beautiful to watch ten develop a love for reading and I hope to continue to nurture and encourage that. Reading is a gateway to anything and anywhere and is the most important skill one can attain! If you can read, you can learn anything!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-53444166461720674762015-08-03T20:17:00.000-07:002015-08-03T20:17:47.133-07:00My Journey to LessOver the past several years I have been introduced to and intrigued by the idea of having less "stuff" in order to live a simpler life with more time to do enjoy the simple pleasures of life like simply spending time<br />with my family. I have read different articles and books and talked to others about this and, over time, have really come to believe it would help me be able to have a cleaner, more organized home and live a life closer to the life I dream of.<br />
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Right now different items from different categories are scattered throughout the house. I have more things<br />than can comfortably fit in my cabinets and closets. I have difficulty finding what I'm looking for. I have many items in the house that have no real home, just a junk drawer if they're lucky. It's all I can do to keep my house "picked up," while being actually clean and truly organized has honestly never happened! At any given time, I have an impressive pile of laundry in the laundry basket, next to the laundry basket, in the washer or dryer or both, and usually a clean pile on the floor of Dan's office. If I get a spare moment, I'm picking up random things or trying to find a place for random belongings. It's an endless and exhausting job.<br />
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It causes me stress when the house is a mess or even when it's picked up but I know there are a bunch of things hiding under the couch and the bed and my drawers are overflowing and the linen closet is overwhelmingly disorganized. I have really come to believe that the key to a truly clean, organized home is owning far less. A sizeable fraction of the clothes in my closet I literally wear a handful of times a year. The majority of items in the office closet or the attic I have not used in over two years.<br />
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Keeping things because they hold a random sentiment does not add anything to my life. The memory itself does. Guilt follows me as I refrain from discarding it but try to store and organize it and move it time and time again. I can discard that item and still have the wonderful memory from that experience as vividly as I did with or without the physical object.<br />
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I am learning through sad experience that all these things that are meant to make my life "easier" and more enjoyable are in reality making my life more complicated, difficult, and are clearly taking away from the things that truly matter. For example, I have spent hours researching iPad cases, cracked screen options, troubleshooting, or wasting time on meaningless tasks when a few years ago I was perfectly content setting aside the time to sitting down and using my computer when I needed to. Adding to that, I now check things randomly on my phone/iPad that may seem important at the time but are NOT of true value. Oftentimes I'm spending my time looking things up that I need to know about how to take care of and maintain another object I own that I really don't even need! Think if I still only had a laptop or desktop computer, if I had something to "look up" or do online, I would plan and group them together and when the kids were in<br />bed or I had an appropriate moment, I would sit down and do what I needed to do. If something truly was not necessary for me to "look up," it would fall from my mind by the time I sat down to use the computer. With our handheld devices so readily and easily available, we are using them CONSTANTLY to do things that are essentially meaningless and we are oftentime using them at inappropriate times. Just imagine the sum total of the minutes and hours we spend doing meangingless things on our devices and what else we could be doing with that time. Thinking about it makes my heart skip a beat.<br />
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I can't tell you how many clothes have never been worn, how many plastic toys have broken, how many projects have never been tackled, how many pictures have never been hung, how many books have never been read, and how many toys have never been touched, much less appreciated. I feel that if we are more intentional and better plan and purchase products of lasting quality, they will last longer and be used. I visited a friend for dinner a while ago and was all but obsessed with the "vintage" metal tractor collection. I was even more enamored when I learned that those toys belonged to her husband when he was a boy and that he has vivid memories playing with them. What an incredible concept that seems hard to believe now! Those toys were built with such quality that they are still working great for the next generation to enjoy. Toys are built so extremely cheap now, they barely last a year! (In my family at least!) I marvel at how much I could save and how much more we can enjoy our things if they are of the utmost quality.<br />
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I am choosing to end the exhausting cycle of consumerism in my life. I do not need several pairs of tan shoes or need to spend my time shopping for things I don't need. (Siyanara, Target!) I want a better, simpler, more<br />sustainable and frugal lifestyle for myself and my family and I believe I can achieve it. I am ready to make a change in my life. I will no longer keep things out of obligation or guilt. I am freeing myself of things that are<br />cluttering my house and working to creater a cleaner home and an environment where my children can learn and plan and the Spirit can dwell. I feel that it is essential that I have a clean, organized home environment in order to truly teach my children and I, as the mother and "homemaker," am in control of my home. <br />
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Just as removing social media from my life has exponentially increased my time for reading, pondering, and simply being present with my family, removing unwanted and unneeded "things" from my life will bring more order, cleanliness, and increased time to pursue other things. The piles of laundry I constantly have would be greatly reduced if I had one or two loads TOTAL for all of their clothes. Consider purchasing zoo or theme park passes, a coupon for a day at the park or the river, etc instead of toys for your children. Instead of rewarding them with toys from charts or for good behavior, have their prize be a fishing trip with Dad or date with Mom or a bike ride at the park or a mini "pool party" in the backyard with a friend.<br />
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I recently read "The Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering" by Marie Kondo and I highly recommend it! It changed my mindset and I believe that is the greatest key in being able to move forward. It took that book for me to be able to make the leap I needed to in the process of cleaning out and organizing my home. I am taking baby steps and still have so far to go when I discover something life-changing, I can't help but share it!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-6923921778755217292015-07-19T12:59:00.001-07:002015-08-05T13:53:42.692-07:00PROTECTING MY FAMILY.<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">I feel so incredibly inadequate to even TRY to write anything half-decent on this subject, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I had absolutely no idea about this before yesterday and know that I know, I am grateful so I can take steps to protect my family and myself.</span><br>
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EMF</div>
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EMR</div>
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Smart meters</div>
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Ring any bells?! None of them did for me until yesterday when I attended an educational class held by the Weston A. Price Foundation San Antonio chapter. They hosted a guest speaker, Sheila Hemphill, who has dedicated her life to spreading awareness about electromagnetic radiation.</div>
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I am going to share with you, in my incredibly simplified terms, what I learned and what I'm changing.</div>
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Light = life = energy</div>
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I hope we can all agree on that to start this off on the right foot!</div>
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She first described two mushrooms to illustrate her point. One is an organically grown, healthy mushroom which was emitting lots of energy, as a mushroom is a living thing. The other mushroom was a conventionally grown mushroom that's biofuels had been dimished by the chemicals used and it emitted little to no energy. She described that second mushroom as "having a body but being brain dead." Which one would you rather eat?! </div>
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This isn't about food, though. It's about energy. We, as people, emit energy and life and that is recorded through an EKG and EEG. That is what makes us alive! </div>
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Here is a chart that illustrates how much energy these different things emit.</div>
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Sorry about the poor quality. I was snapping pictures during the presentation. Brain waves emit 10 Hertz. The earth's frequencies were 6, if I remember correctly (but definitely less than ten).</div>
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Cell phones (namely, smart phones) emit 1 BILLION Hertz of electromagnetic fields! Did you know in every smart phone users guide there is a warning to not keep your phone within an inch of your body?! </div>
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That one above looks a little outdated, here are the current guidelines from Apple. (The safety guidelines are based on a highly unreliable test that is not even conducted on humans or animals, but a "manikin" head with a gel like substance inside with a thermometer stuck in the top to see how close the cell phone has to get before the temperature rises a full degree, called Specific Absorption Rate. I kid you not. That is the test.)</div>
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Robert Baker, a 2000 Nobel Prize nominee said "I have no doubt in my mind that at this present time the greatest polluting element in the Earth's environment is the proliferation of electromagnetic fields."</div>
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Our grandparents grew up with little electromagnetic radiation. It began with radios and was minimal. Our parents grew up with little electromagnetic radiation. Mostly radio and television. (Phones with cords are safe compared to cordless phones). And then our generation and those after me came along. The mobile phone became commonplace within the last 15 years. The cordless home phone became popular. Then the Internet. Then WIFI. Then mobile devices, smart phones, iPads, smart TV's, baby monitors, smart meters (to measure our electricity usage), smart appliances. And now even Apple watches and FitBits that we wear on our person at all times. </div>
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This is all relatively RECENTLY emerging and NEW technology. Do we even think about how this all may be affecting us? All these modern conveniences are not harmless. It is a undeniable fact that these devices all emit electromagnetic fields, which is synonymous with ELECTROMAGNETIC RADIATION. Radiation. Cancer-causing, health-disrupting, as-bad-as-it-sounds radiation. I don't know about you, but I would rather not have myself and my CHILDREN be the subjects of an experiment as we figure out whether our constant exposure to all this EMF is safe.</div>
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Our children are exposed to this through wifi in our homes, stronger, more powerful wifi in their schools, in our church buildings, at restaurants, and every moment of the night as they are sleeping in their beds or simply living in their homes. Is it unreasonable to ask if there may be a correlation between this and the inexplicable rise in ADD, ADHD, autism, anxiety, fatigue, sleep disorders and disturbances and even autoimmune disease that we are seeing in our very own children?</div>
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Cell phones and home phones used to have antennas, which would direct the radiation away from our bodies. But we wanted smaller and more compact so they now have done away with antennas and those electromagnetic fields are not being directed anywhere but our HEADS. </div>
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France recently BANNED wifi in preschools because there is enough research and undeniable evidence to show it is harmful to adults, much less a small child.</div>
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France is not the only country. Australia, Canada, and other countries across Europe are taking steps in the same direction.</div>
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I didn't even know what a "smart meter" was until yesterday, but apparently there is a lot of controversy about their safety. Smart meters are digital meter readers for our power that are replacing our analog meters (with the spinning wheel) that emit massive amount of EMR and are very harmful. Dan and I found a documentary describing the situation with the Smart Meters and other EMR called, "Take Back Your Power" and we were able to watch the whole documentary for free on YouTube. I do not have the adequate knowledge or ENERGY (ha ha... ha) to try get into all of this and all the other facets of this issue or even cute all my sources, so I urge you to do your own research and decide for yourself.</div>
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We need to educate ourselves and be aware of the harmful effects of this radiation. We are not the first to be innocently exposed to harmful, cancer-causing substances. Think about lead, asbestos, cigarettes, radium and even the x-ray machines at the department store to better see how your shoes fit. In some of these cases, it took hundreds of not thousands of years for this clearly harmful substances to be removed. (Usually because companies were making lots of money off them.)</div>
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Here are a couple statements published by the World Health Organization, but obviously not enough for many to recognize a need for change.</div>
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For the sake of our own health and the health of our children, we can not wait until the government deems this radiation "unsafe" because we already know it is. There is irrefutable evidence through peer-reviewed, evidence-based research, not to mention the innumerable testimonials of those who have been affected. </div>
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Click on the picture above and zoom in if you can. All the red dots are the physical symptoms that have been reported through reliable research from the effects of EMR (brain rumors, other cancers, heart problems, disrupted calcium metabolism, DNA damage, infertility, sleep, and disrupted immune function). People start to report adverse effects when the electromagnetic fields are as low as 0.000001 mW/m2. The FCC (the agency that is regulating and supposed to be protecting us) "Maximum Permitted Exposure" is 10,000 mW/m2. </div>
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Please don't brush this off. I'm not saying we all need to get rid of our cell phones and move out to the country, but there are little things we can do to reduce the radiation we are exposed to through electromagnetic fields. Check to see if you have an analog or a smart meter (they will install these without your awareness or permission). If you have an analog meter, do all you can to protect it from being switched to a digital meter. Turn off the WIFI in your house when you are not using it or at the very least, at night. (This is the most crucial time!) Turn your mobile phone off or on airplane mode when you are not using it. Avoid playing a movie for your child from mobile device that he is holding as it is closer to his head/his person. Avoid using your phone, charging it, or giving your child your phone to watch or play games in the car. It is worse in the car because the frequencies are trapped inside the car.</div>
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We can not see these frequencies that are constantly being sent out and in by our cell phones, the radiation coming from the cell phone towers, or the signals the smart meters are constantly sending back and forth from our smart appliances. We can not tell how much electro-magnetic fields are affecting us as we look at our phones bright screen right before bed and leave it charging right next to us. Do not charge your devices in your room at night or the room you are in.</div>
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I only scraped the surface on this issue and there is much more to educate ourselves on. Awareness is key and I am so glad I learned about this yesterday. I challenge you all to watch "Take Back Your Power" on YouTube to better understand how this all affects us. Do a google search about "health effects of EMF." When it comes to my innocent children who have been entrusted to my care, I do not feel comfortable to wait until the government has received enough complaints and has "enough" evidence to tell us this is unsafe. I will not let this experiment be conducted on my children, as the first generation that is literally being affected by this from birth and in utero. I am going to protect my children and not rely on the government or other agencies (who have let us down constantly in the past) to tell me what is and is not safe for my family.</div>
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Please feel free to share any insights you have on the subject!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-41163472628123623012015-07-13T12:42:00.000-07:002015-07-13T12:44:44.999-07:00Learning. A LOT.I am so incredibly grateful for every experience in my life, for each one educates me and molds me into a more refined and stronger person. I am far from the refined, yet powerful, woman of faith I dream of being, but I feel like I am taking baby steps in the right direction. I can feel God guiding my life and that is truly a good feeling.<br>
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Every phase of life is so very different, but right now I'm in one of my favorites. I'm learning to enjoy the little moments with my boys. To drop the rush and stop in the middle of the grocery store and grab Jude's cheeks and say "I love you baby. You are Jude James Mulder and there is no one better than you." (That's what my parents would always tell me.) Finding a perfect balance is something I'm far from but I've seen myself finding more of a balance in my life. It's ironic but when I used to stay home a lot more, I wouldn't get hardly anything done. It's when we get up early and go to running group and go to the zoo and do things like that, I accomplish so much more in general. I know I am happier and I know the kids are happier. I have changed myself immensely over these last few months and I can see a change in Jude, as well. He is very attentive to me and as faithful to me as the day is long. Since I have become more relaxed, energetic, fun, spontaneous, and productive, I have seen him grow in these areas as well. It's quite true (and quite alarming!) that so much of who our children become depends on the behaviors they learn through us. So much more often through observing us than the words we say.<br>
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I had a friend inquire about the day to day changes I have made that have helped me in this "great change of heart" I have had. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, scroll down and read the post "letting go and living!") I am doing those things I mentioned in that post (although I do catch myself saying "hurry up" still). So here is my attempt to formulate and articulate some things I am trying to do!</div>
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I get out almost every day and exercise outside, with or without my children. It does worlds for my attitude. </div>
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I have become a much more no-nonsense mother. Looking back, I feel like my children controlled me more than me controlling them. I have stopped tolerating the bickering and bargaining. (He still does it, but I don't engage.) I do not tolerate whining and am trying to implement "the naughty step" technique I learned from reading Jo Frost's Supernanny. Although I don't have to do it often. I try to be the most loving mother I can be, yet also the most hands-off. It sounds contradictory, but I love my kids with a fierce passion and we are constantly laying together and hugging and kissing and playing and holding hands, yet also realize I don't need to constantly intercede and help them up when they fall. We are surrounded by "helicopter parents" in our society and I think we could all agree it's exhausting. To watch and to do! I try to show my kids I trust them by giving them as much freedom as possible and letting them work through conflicts, struggles, falls, frustrations or whatever else it may be, on their own. I used to think a good mother was one who was constantly self-sacrificing. I didn't ever consciously think this, but looking back I realize I prided myself on being tired from "taking care of my kids." Like the more I "sacrificed" my own time, interests, and health even, the better of a mother I was. Every mother sacrifices. It's just part of the territory. But I've realized the best gift I can give my boys to be truly HAPPY and to enjoy life. I'm doing them no good by feeding them nutritious meals but being tired all the time and not nearly as happy as I could be because I don't take time for myself. I realized I had to be my own advocate. I am obviously the kid's advocate and that's really my life's purpose, but I was letting my own needs dwindle. I took charge of my own happiness and said a stern, unapologetic goodbye to guilt. I go out with my friends in the evening without an ounce of guilt for letting Dan put the kids to bed. When I go out, I try to leave my motherly duties behind and have fun. I bought lipstick for myself that I love and I wear it boldly. I'm a mother and a wife and I love it but that doesn't mean I'm not going to wear a saucy dress and some bright purple lipstick and look good doing it. I sometimes feed myself BEFORE I get the kids food ready if I am hungry. I usually always wait until the point of cranky starvation, but they usually have eaten more recently than I have and they are capable of waiting.</div>
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I stopped trying to solve all my kids problems and prevent them from frustration. I used to think a good mother prevented her children from crying and being frustrated. A good mother calmly went over to her child and helped talk him through the problem or get the zipper unzipped or broke up the fight or gave the stolen toy back. I've realized a good mother, in my opinion, oftentimes does NOT intercede. I will let my kids cry and be frustrated and 95% of the time they work through it themselves, or even better, help each other work through it. I show them I trust them and believe that they are capable of working through frustrations by not jumping at their every need. If I am having a conversation, they can be respectful and wait until I'm done to receive help. As much as it really does, my children do not need to feel like my life revolves around them. That is unhealthy. They need to realize there is work to be done and responsibilities that ey have as members of the family. </div>
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I try not to let the judgments (assumed or real) affect the way I care for my children. If we are out in public and my child wants a snack but I know we will be eating lunch or dinner soon and he doesn't need a snack, I'm not going to give him one just because he is crying or throwing a fit and I don't want people to think I'm ignoring my child. I know what is best for my kids and as I consistently show them the way, they will learn it and realize whining and crying is not going to get them their way. And the whining will lessen.</div>
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I used to think I had to be centered around my children from their waking hour until the closing of their sleepy eyes at the end of a long day. I have realized I need to fuel myself through reading, dancing, music, or whatever else it may be throughout the day. If I want to read (and my children are taken care of, obviously) I will sit and read and let them play and do what they want to do. It's okay for me to say, "I'm reading right now, honey. You can talk to Abraham or yourself, but don't talk to me right now. I'll be done in a few minutes." Imagine that! It is so good for children to see their parents pursuing their own hobbies as it instills in the a desire to have their own hobbies and get their own work done.</div>
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We don't play any electronic games or iPhone, iPad, or computer games and Jude watches about 30 minutes to an hour of TV or movies a week. I have always been this way, besides a few lapses, and really feel like it has benefitted everyone. They are very good at entertaining themselves and do not feel the need to be entertained. They can wait, sit through grocery store visits, etc and find a way to entertain themselves without an electronic device clutched in their chubby little fingers. This benefits them greatly and it is why I originally did it, but I did not realize how much it truly benefitted them and myself. And I'm sure the benefits will continue to be made known as time progresses. This seems like something that would make my life more difficult instead of easier, but it truly makes my life easier in that they can entertain themselves effectively in various situations and do not expect to bee entertained by either myself or an electronic device. Also on this topic, I don't bring toys to the park or store or other places. I want my kids to be able to be amused with the outdoors themselves or observing people and things at the store or in the car without always having toys or books, etc on hand.</div>
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I spend quality time with Jude every day reading and doing our "lessons." I feel that he is more able to play on his own and not need me all the time because I have given him undivided, quality time. (They both still pretty much are rarely more than two feet from me!) </div>
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I don't worry about germs (and safety!) as much as you probably do! I worry about food a lot due to allergies, but when they are outside, they can eat all the dirt and bugs they want and I don't stop them. (They're not bug-eaters, though!) I obviously am concerned about safety as much as I need to be to keep them from harm, but I don't prevent every tumble. Since Abraham was just learning to move, have done this (unless it would have really hurt him) and he has learned very fast because he knows no one will miraculously catch him. I try to give them as much freedom as I can so they can learn for themselves. If they do fall, I do not run to them right away but I give them time to work through it and 80% of the time they get back up and don't need me at all. I do not use cart covers at the grocery store. I don't sanitize anything ever except after public bathroom encounters. (Which are very rare because I avoid them at all costs). I RARELY stop Abraham from putting things in his mouth unless there's a choking hazard. Even in an airplane he gnaws on the magazines and seats and everything else! I know you are totally grossed out, but I was the opposite with Jude and he has a weak immune system so I figured I'd try the opposite approach with Abraham and it is working! He has gotten sick a few times, but very rarely and he recovers very quickly. I know there are many factors that can contribute to this, but I truly do feel this has helped. I don't worry immensely if Abraham is taking another child's toys or grabbing a strangers leg or grabbing a friend's purse (all within reason). I know I wouldn't mind if another child was doing that to me and they usually don't mind. Children take toys from each other and I think it's good for them to learn how to deal with it. If your child takes a toy from my child, don't go get it and give it back to him! He is fine and will learn to overcome this trial! I constantly say, "he is fine!" because he is! Motherhood is ridiculously difficult and exhausting, let's not make it harder than it has to be!</div>
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I did not know what I was going to write about but that's what came out! These are the things that have made my life EASIER as a mother and over the last few months, have completely changed me. I am more relaxed. I am happier. I am more energetic. I enjoy life more. I enjoy my children and my husband more. I am enjoying life more! I hope we can all try to just enjoy motherhood more. Judge less and embrace and support each other more. We are ALL trying our best and although we all go about it in different ways, we all really are trying. Our journeys can be so much more enjoyable if we walk together, lifting and be lifted along the way.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-78447954595077034562015-07-05T17:44:00.001-07:002015-07-06T08:31:23.794-07:00Good news!!!I am pleased and grateful and excited to announce good news for my boy!! Everything went smoothly the day of the EGD and couldn't have gone better. The give him a little oral Versed beforehand and then they let me go with them into the procedure room until the mask goes on him (with the medication that puts him to sleep), so he doesn't even remember me leaving him. I'm so grateful they let me stay with him so long. Other places have not been nearly this liberal! He did great up to the EGD. He couldn't eat anything and the EGD wasn't until after 10:00 but he did a great job and was very patient! <div><br></div><div>I waited in the waiting room and Dr Brigman came out to tell me the results. I had my legs propped up and I nearly jumped out of my seat when I saw her! This is what she said:</div><div><br></div><div>the esophagus looks great. There were NO signs of an Eosinophilic reaction (which is what happens if he eats foods he's allergic to). In the past it has been EXTREMELY evident and undeniable through text books signs of EoE. She can't technically tell me all the foods he's eating are 100% safe until we get the results of the biopsy back, but he chances of the biopsy showing anhinga are extremely small with such a great looking scope. This HUGE!!! He has been medication-free for almost a year so this really was the TRUE test as to whether these foods were safe or not. So all the foods he is eating now are safe for him. What an AMAZING list to have in our favor. Some people who have EoE have a list of only a few foods they can eat, or they are on steroids long term. Jude is on no mess and can eat</div><div><br></div><div>Chicken</div><div>Turkey</div><div>Pork</div><div>Fruits</div><div>Vegetables</div><div>Olive oil</div><div>Salt, pepper, sugar</div><div>Honey</div><div>Coconut</div><div>Cod (he takes cod liver oil so I'm assuming cod is okay!)</div><div>(And his other vitamins to get technical) - probiotic, digestive enzymes, cumin/turmeric</div><div><br></div><div>This is the biggest stride we have made. We are so incredibly grateful and humbled. EoE is a relatively new disease due to the rise in allergies and autoimmune disorders so thre really is no "right" way to treat this. In many ways we have just had to be prayerful and pave our own way. I have felt undeniably guided in all this. I'm so thankful for the path that we've taken and that we were able to avoid the elemental diet and so many other distressing paths of EoE. As long as Jude is avoiding the offending foods, he is essentially perfect and as normal and healthy as any other child (I might even say more due to his incredibly healthy and nourishing diet!)</div><div><br></div><div>There were a couple hiccups in the EGD findings. There were some reddened, thickened areas in his stomach that indicate a high acid production/delayed gastric emptying. There was also a small bit of bile somewhere there shouldn't be. From what I gathered, these are relatively small issues. I am going to find a natural acid-reduced to avoid Nexium, etc and see how that helps. I need to figure out what the other things mean. Im not really sure yet. But they are minor issues and I know we can get them taken care of. Dr Brigman was mildly concerned because he is asymptomatic so that shows its not that bad.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm planning on introducing quite a few more foods over the next year or so and just watching him very closely for any signs of a reaction. If we are slow and conservative and smart (refer to allergy testing done in the past) then I feel like we will be able to tell if something we introduce bothers him. And I will wait a minimum of three weeks in between introductions.</div><div><br></div><div>We have to wait until we get the biopsy results back and then we will decide what foods we want to introduce next. Then we will have allergy (prick) testing done later this month and then we will move forward! Jude is so funny. As he's heard me talking about this he'll say, "Mommy, I don't need any new foods. All the foods I'm eating are fine." I think we just doesn't like all this attention on him especially since he doesn't really understand all that is going on and what the process entails.</div><div><br></div><div>Thank you all for your concern, love, prayers, and support. If any of you are struggling with allergies/Eosinophilic Esophagitis and would like to talk, just comment and I would love to help in any way I can!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitKzY6YdBjC0SEdUJLLVAK4JLzwoaw8d_XaRCirTz082Ca8OLypyW3abrRui-Z3dXoFxT18ERqdjuUUbj5KjWYyL91d1p00ahG8AaSBoAydas04-4jkPr_0R0z8XZOKQi22DEzkWxoHZs/s640/blogger-image--1217750812.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitKzY6YdBjC0SEdUJLLVAK4JLzwoaw8d_XaRCirTz082Ca8OLypyW3abrRui-Z3dXoFxT18ERqdjuUUbj5KjWYyL91d1p00ahG8AaSBoAydas04-4jkPr_0R0z8XZOKQi22DEzkWxoHZs/s640/blogger-image--1217750812.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Baloo helped him get through the waiting period!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNa4jwbgkDiwYMRkXvhunUWP-GS15acp8OsxK4bMWHglo1eiWhttClDFDsBa6pEyUt_gsCJ8ehPS6I8f1uSJ-9BV3_Znxfxs5o4ISXsmXv_OCeveAZPEBDzBFJCnfbDGsRc2Oa782r-K4/s640/blogger-image--1756933511.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNa4jwbgkDiwYMRkXvhunUWP-GS15acp8OsxK4bMWHglo1eiWhttClDFDsBa6pEyUt_gsCJ8ehPS6I8f1uSJ-9BV3_Znxfxs5o4ISXsmXv_OCeveAZPEBDzBFJCnfbDGsRc2Oa782r-K4/s640/blogger-image--1756933511.jpg"></a></div>George was with him every step, even during the EGD! </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuXWGz6TLP9pDsWoo3vGjb32ERGdb8tRUReUW9t-UBFib7XcCm7pLZXhBN2TGhRY5pAgUuj5ynYVD5QRf-pgAsDwxPycdrF587S0T8h3I2RkrK2F74FoWgunDsWzgr59PPPeyJyQfjKTM/s640/blogger-image-1977759096.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuXWGz6TLP9pDsWoo3vGjb32ERGdb8tRUReUW9t-UBFib7XcCm7pLZXhBN2TGhRY5pAgUuj5ynYVD5QRf-pgAsDwxPycdrF587S0T8h3I2RkrK2F74FoWgunDsWzgr59PPPeyJyQfjKTM/s640/blogger-image-1977759096.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>A little groggy after the EGD, but he did great and loved the homemade Popsicles we brought for him to have afterwards!</div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-46696096340557615302015-07-01T19:45:00.001-07:002015-07-01T21:12:05.668-07:00Eosinophilic something something.<div>It's time for another EoE (Eosinophilic Esophagitis) pos! You think I would write these more often but I don't, and then the night before his EGD I'm like, oh I need to update everyone (and myself) before things change again! So here is my latest post from last October...</div><div><br></div><a href="http://rachaelmulder.blogspot.com/2014/10/big-eoe-update.html">http://rachaelmulder.blogspot.com/2014/10/big-eoe-update.html</a><div><br></div><div>We were going to have an EGD last October but we ended up putting it off. Then we were going to have it in April, but we had to put it off because he kept getting "croup," or more accurately exacerbations of his reactive airway disease. (Or whatever. Boring details.) </div><div><br></div><div>We can't do an EGD if he's had any type of illness or virus or cough or ANYTHING or it will be 100 times worse after the EGD because of him being under general anesthesia. So we had to wait until he was "all better" for a while. So here we are. He's been taking these cumin/turmeric pills that decrease inflammation and who knows, maybe it's a fluke but he hasn't gotten sick or had any respiratory issues since we started him on those. </div><div><br></div><div>Since my last update in October, besides the recurrent "croup," he has been really rockin. We have introduced pork and coconut which have been HUGE life-changing additions. We are so grateful he has done well with these new foods. He is still completely off all medications. He takes a Kalire probiotic, digestive enzymes, the cumin/turmeric pill, and Green Pastures fermented cod liver oil every day. I make him homemade juice every other day and that keeps him from being constipated (The Miralax and Milk of Magnesia never helped.) He is gaining weight (which he was NOT when he was on the Neocate formula and prescription medications). He is climbing up the charts for height and weight. He has normal bowel movements every day (you do NOT know what an achievement this is!). He never throws up. He rarely complains of a tummy ache but nothing beyond how any other child would. He occasionally has an itchy throat (was mostly in the Spring so was probably mostly pollen/seasonal allergies). He wheezes occasionally but I think that's related more to respiratory inflammation than an allergic reaction. He eats an incredible diet and has an awesome appetite. He eats very well. Lots of meat, vegetables, fruit is an after-meal treat. And now homemade coconut milk. He is thriving better than I ever could have dreamed. And Abraham is certainly being blessed by all this. We all are. We have learned so much. Jude is obedient, confident, tender-hearted, loving, faithful, protective, brave, and imaginative. I adore this little boy more than I could ever say. I'm humbled to be his better and grateful to be the one to work hard for his success. I wouldn't want it to be anyone but me by his side every day. I'm so incredibly lucky to have him.</div><div><br></div><div>I feel peaceful about tomorrow and although I'm bummed Dan won't be there, I'm ready to do this and move forward. I pray the doctors and nurses will be on their A-game for my boy and that when Dr Brigman walks out to the waiting room to greet me, she will have a smile on her face.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUDHaR5Y1zNGW0UYHJ9hPv7QP4oh-ccG42aAp14h4i1sGyCsqpqPTvTResANL-J06jCfliTpt1sFewy4daK_pjHQCUntkSCIjlfUeCzjPXGZb-0GIznduZE23rdKX0nJ6U0r9T-_tktqc/s640/blogger-image--884134298.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUDHaR5Y1zNGW0UYHJ9hPv7QP4oh-ccG42aAp14h4i1sGyCsqpqPTvTResANL-J06jCfliTpt1sFewy4daK_pjHQCUntkSCIjlfUeCzjPXGZb-0GIznduZE23rdKX0nJ6U0r9T-_tktqc/s640/blogger-image--884134298.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9LhQ4etrnFrbSKn5cAPFXhRvKo0jXiErVvJnr4ls0PJk5x5mf9Dq0Y6_G4AkH3iSmsB_4A_5iW0JA87B3qa7-KNAle8u_ytPVp4l87wee_a8PERJdLhlLevrgNPKlF81QpMFMZXD0YDU/s640/blogger-image--736912895.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9LhQ4etrnFrbSKn5cAPFXhRvKo0jXiErVvJnr4ls0PJk5x5mf9Dq0Y6_G4AkH3iSmsB_4A_5iW0JA87B3qa7-KNAle8u_ytPVp4l87wee_a8PERJdLhlLevrgNPKlF81QpMFMZXD0YDU/s640/blogger-image--736912895.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJuOkrEgQ-vjl2w6Q3xo6yvbSw6VIn4sXfydeqvASDvfd6Pn_-BHzMaBji3QM4qpwU0KSZysRdAxggPbWLvVoFPYWAb5PeP0KtJ2qOEhwjGA0xb8UNGSK7okylsuzmBg5WHzDghmCGqgI/s640/blogger-image--1909496928.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJuOkrEgQ-vjl2w6Q3xo6yvbSw6VIn4sXfydeqvASDvfd6Pn_-BHzMaBji3QM4qpwU0KSZysRdAxggPbWLvVoFPYWAb5PeP0KtJ2qOEhwjGA0xb8UNGSK7okylsuzmBg5WHzDghmCGqgI/s640/blogger-image--1909496928.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisuuGFnMrxVbb_P0t5EYT8h80CWYTIxBM9WUVHgNeKqeD8PtAi6maqoAl6gbyHZuI0IllPwaSEzJRrfqPMBVHvru9GKOAcW7VKOqnxtrkyGGQNTOhiZza7uEo-2DK4Dg7X87UJYBks0JI/s640/blogger-image--10818070.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisuuGFnMrxVbb_P0t5EYT8h80CWYTIxBM9WUVHgNeKqeD8PtAi6maqoAl6gbyHZuI0IllPwaSEzJRrfqPMBVHvru9GKOAcW7VKOqnxtrkyGGQNTOhiZza7uEo-2DK4Dg7X87UJYBks0JI/s640/blogger-image--10818070.jpg"></a></div><br></div>(Abraham will randomly go up to Jude and say "hi" and then open his arms up for a hug.) UMMM!!!! 💔💔💔</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-24950465641396943842015-06-17T11:26:00.001-07:002015-06-17T11:26:45.044-07:00Sun kissed.<span style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">There are few things as magical as a baby fresh out of bath. Maybe when you spend the whole morning swimming and running and playing and that feeling of warmth from the sun is lingering on your skin. Dan bathed Abraham and then took Jude downstairs with him to "help him with his pooter" so I could have alone time with Abraham. My little boy and I nestled in our usual place, on Daddy's side of the bed. He was so tired from a busy morning and I know it felt heavenly to him, too, in our comfy soft pajamas all cuddled up in the soft down comforter with the cool breeze of our plastic stand-up fan nearby. A little smile emerged on his face as I gently scratched his back and head. He giggled softly and I smiled back. The love and understanding between us was tangible as we looked at each other, not having to say a word. I kept gently scratching his back and running my fingers through his white blonde hair as his little eyelids were closing, but he was still smiling at me as he drifted off. I gently laid him down in his bed and he promptly turned over onto his tummy with his little bottom in the air. I put his newly acquired "Barky" by his side and covered him with our crocheted baby blue blanket. I imagine he'll have sweet dreams today. And I can daydream about the smiling little boy in my arms for years to come!</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-29440523508575062192015-06-09T11:56:00.001-07:002015-06-09T12:44:08.121-07:00ABRAHAM @ 15 monthsThis little boy has the best little personality. He is witty, determined, mischievous, loving, and strong. He has the most heart-melting little smile. He'll look at me (or anybody) with that smile and my heart is his! He is very smart. He says mom, dad, dog, doggy, ball, Tubby, bubble, double, NO, hi, and thank you! He very much has his own opinion about everything. He is also very tough and picks himself back up when he falls, and when he cries he gets over it within seconds and usually all on his own. He is very independent and also very coordinated. Since he was probably about 9 months old he intuitively turns around and scoots backwards when he's getting off a bed, crawling down stairs, going down a curb (even if it's a one-inch curb), or going down the slope of a driveway. He has been walking pretty well since about 13 months old and now he is getting more confident and will walk down driveways normally. He is still reluctant about stairs, thank goodness! In all reality he is very coordinated and has good balance and I think a lot of it is because I have tried to be very hands-off with him and let him tumble and fall so he has learned how to be careful. I was very much a "helicopter mom" with Jude and it's been interesting to see how different their personalities and development is. It's hard to know how much of it is "nature" and how much is "nurture." Anyways, Abraham is seriously such a special little boy. He has so much personality. He loves his mama and daddy so much. He loves to play with Dan. Dan will lay down on the ground and Abraham will come over and and climb on him and bounce on him and give him strawberries (raspberries, I don't know why we call them strawberries). But he always wants to be around his mama. He still nurses a few times a day and when I ask, "do you want to nurse?" he throws down whatever he was playing with and runs over to me with a big smile on his face. He is a great eater. He eats pretty much anything and everything! He eats exactly the same as Jude except I also give him raw milk, homemade yogurt made from raw milk, Kerrygold butter, eggs, and occasionally some other organic meat if we are eating it. He has never eaten any grains or processed foods and he is as healthy as a horse! It is so nice because he has never tasted those artificially sweet and processed foods so to him, berries, bananas, and nectarines or peaches are the biggest treat! <div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghYk5d1tXwOCI7qP8SM8mzNy-W9DJtmVsf5nrh2wsjk8ZZTttmOcrQUNa1u9EzJu16O6e_iV1b6LE_HfLejJUUv2NZDFaihe9vyaBdGiNKxnv53sjzC_0nVZ1_vqN4qc28c83-SJTlhCk/s640/blogger-image-1728510508.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghYk5d1tXwOCI7qP8SM8mzNy-W9DJtmVsf5nrh2wsjk8ZZTttmOcrQUNa1u9EzJu16O6e_iV1b6LE_HfLejJUUv2NZDFaihe9vyaBdGiNKxnv53sjzC_0nVZ1_vqN4qc28c83-SJTlhCk/s640/blogger-image-1728510508.jpg"></a></div><br><div><br></div><div>He loves running around and playing outside. We are visiting my parents right now and he loves to play around the pool. He will grab something walk over the pool and throw it in and then look back at us as his mischievous little smile. Then he will get down on his tummy and reach her and try to grab it out. We put the little puddle jumper life jacket on him and although it's too big for him he fearlessly jumps off the stop in right into the deep part of the pool and actually does a pretty good job swimming around! When he doesn't have his life jacket on he very cautiously walks through the water on the shallow step and splash with the biggest smile on his face. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiblcd6uGeegLwwKweQ0qFuj1WTM20_WHORNkAOR1nJQ94IBUiVzSYET0uXOPcjGOZntjeP9OunJfqn1gU1to30RaBoYF3KNiXLDDH8SeBV_TUPZS0zwcaimJNUFhKEtfByRcOKhv3oiQA/s640/blogger-image-1405479747.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiblcd6uGeegLwwKweQ0qFuj1WTM20_WHORNkAOR1nJQ94IBUiVzSYET0uXOPcjGOZntjeP9OunJfqn1gU1to30RaBoYF3KNiXLDDH8SeBV_TUPZS0zwcaimJNUFhKEtfByRcOKhv3oiQA/s640/blogger-image-1405479747.jpg"></a> <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-5EJNruzyEoSxsPXUwiBbS1OYurQeba3a4PSkVGe0VL_t0Q4Gal5jD2YXNAuav9nNDqwK9GdWn8XBP61v3GP95CPHVB3iS-j1fZ91C8WNtD4bc4fI_WeL8I8xJG0uEqrZfWBj45ninUo/s640/blogger-image--1703475934.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-5EJNruzyEoSxsPXUwiBbS1OYurQeba3a4PSkVGe0VL_t0Q4Gal5jD2YXNAuav9nNDqwK9GdWn8XBP61v3GP95CPHVB3iS-j1fZ91C8WNtD4bc4fI_WeL8I8xJG0uEqrZfWBj45ninUo/s640/blogger-image--1703475934.jpg"></a></div></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>He gives the absolute BEST kisses! He gives them when you ask but maybe only once every 20 times you ask! He has to be in the kiss-giving mood. If he does, it makes it that much better! He will turn you with his open mouth and go "mmmmm.....muah!!" If I give him a kiss and just keep saying, "mmmm....." He will just wait and wait until I say "muah!!" </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLs9WITJSpEhTTRzFWEvxx-g-ds1ZX4Kw7-12E-k6wk5Mup3kGCTr2xioTQH1UsweyOloBE23uXrxpOABbRFKK4tGsd2AjBNApIVMhGXlWnOKrcLCnPJQlKtYGn8WINy17YAfKJ9fjUAg/s640/blogger-image-685767309.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLs9WITJSpEhTTRzFWEvxx-g-ds1ZX4Kw7-12E-k6wk5Mup3kGCTr2xioTQH1UsweyOloBE23uXrxpOABbRFKK4tGsd2AjBNApIVMhGXlWnOKrcLCnPJQlKtYGn8WINy17YAfKJ9fjUAg/s640/blogger-image-685767309.jpg"></a></div></div><div><br></div><div>He and Jude love each other and I can definitely see that bond forming, but they also have their fair share of tiffs. They are (constantly) hitting and pushing each other, taking toys from each other, and somehow always seem to find a way to offend the other. Abraham is still a little too young to understand how Jude plays so they still have trouble playing together really well. They certainly have their precious moments where they play and laugh and hug and share and those are PRICELESS!!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOv94BveL8_iapjl_GxZdN8V1ndJb4MEVnDwBOLQnsomcqBHMrdLu3UNhU3NNKuA7H1IPe75ka1SpBhaIYlLG2cIqERaz417C_tuCPWbe09-7ky4GeHXMN0AN7JAPeWEpXGjyr9ERm8wI/s640/blogger-image--1020671243.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOv94BveL8_iapjl_GxZdN8V1ndJb4MEVnDwBOLQnsomcqBHMrdLu3UNhU3NNKuA7H1IPe75ka1SpBhaIYlLG2cIqERaz417C_tuCPWbe09-7ky4GeHXMN0AN7JAPeWEpXGjyr9ERm8wI/s640/blogger-image--1020671243.jpg"></a></div></div><div><br></div><div>We love our little boy so much. He is the perfect addition to our family and I can not imagine life without him!! </div></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYrD0ye-Vfcz8NxcIAddI1VUfoQzum-yKrFXPKlUOJwbOEcg2yjpR5Z3L7rhLYwIrXiv4rMsBSUs13bG2g_2E64uVkfJgRJceiLehytgYYantU4o4U78HLKUdDRlHtwNlIeqRJkujJ8bc/s640/blogger-image--2069459052.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYrD0ye-Vfcz8NxcIAddI1VUfoQzum-yKrFXPKlUOJwbOEcg2yjpR5Z3L7rhLYwIrXiv4rMsBSUs13bG2g_2E64uVkfJgRJceiLehytgYYantU4o4U78HLKUdDRlHtwNlIeqRJkujJ8bc/s640/blogger-image--2069459052.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-36916564243111744532015-05-02T10:12:00.001-07:002015-05-02T11:31:07.277-07:00Letting go & LIVING<div>It all started with an exhausted, worn-out, frustrated, running on a hamster wheel mama. (Me) She took it out on her innocent spouse, broke down, talked, talked, and talked some more, and ended up with a vision. A dream of how things could be. And should be. Which led to a new start and an Instagram post that means so much more than just an Instagram post...</div><div><br></div><div>"I had a life-changing, eye-opening experience yesterday and I have realized so much about myself and how I approach life and do the things I do. Motherhood has truly changed me and I've spiraled into a mindset of too much worry and not enough carefree laughter and living. I am moving forward with a new breath of life. I am giving myself permission to take it easy and not be so ridiculously hard on myself. I am taking time to pursue my own hobbies (hobbies?!). I am learning to play the harmonica. I am learning how to refinish furniture and work with wood. I am going to go to the park more and walk and run and have picnics. I am going to spend money occasionally to go to the museum or do other activities with the kids (over-frugality issues). I am going to take my vitamins every day and prioritize healthy eating for MYSELF. I am going to wear my hot pink lipstick and floral rompers with confidence. I am going to stop using Jude's allergies as a crutch to live less. I am going to advocate for my own happiness and well-being. In doing so I will move closer to the mother and wife I want to be (which has been all I've wanted all along) and my most cherished ones will undoubtedly benefit as much as I will. I will no longer waste one SINGLE moment looking down at my phone viewing other people's lives when I should be living MY OWN. I've realized although Instagram may bring a smile to face, it is not enriching my life as much as my life would be enlivened by simply LIVING it. I am going to delete my Instagram for two months and then reassess. I am going to just ENJOY my day at the museum or the zoo with my family and not be thinking about what picture I want to take to post. I am freeing myself of anything that may be holding me back from reaching my potential of happiness. This is my life and I'm living it. 💥💥💥 WHEW!!!!!! Here I go! (So if you have a baby or something exciting, text or email me!)"</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Which led to this...</div><div><br></div><i>Letting go & living </i>sum up my last month and a half pretty well. There is so much I want to say I wish I could just spill all my thought onto this canvas, but unfortunately my fingers must do the talking and I am constrained to blogging time that will soon be out when I heard a little wail from a little child. But I will get started and hope to capture a minute fraction of what I feel!<div><br></div><div>I am changed. My life has changed. Who I am has changed. These past few years of motherhood have hugged me and kissed me indeed, but they have also worn me down, chewed me up, swished me around and spit me back out. I found myself with a three year old and a one year old and I was struggling to keep up. With them, with all my responsibilities, with my sanity. I reached a point where something had to give. And thanks be to my loving Heavenly Father that it wasn't anything of eternal worth. I have let go, my friends. You name it - I've probably let go of it. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, worrying, stress, to-do lists, Instagramming, social media, fatigue - LET GO. Yes, I still have to cook and clean, but I have changed my mindset. We live in this house. I have two little children who make messes. I have let go off having the kitchen spick and span every night before I go to bed. I have let go of trying to make the house look perfect if people come over. I have let go of any guilt I had for feeding my sons the same food for two to three meals a day (with minimal variations). I have let go of the worry about when Jude's next EGD will be and how it will turn out and what foods should we introduce and what if he doesn't tolerate them and what if he does and what if he has a reaction and.... I have let go of judgment. I have let go of the phrase, "hurry up!" I have let go of trying to be/look like/feign the ultimate mother. I have let go of any guilt for taking time for MYSELF. I have let go of worrying about the "next thing" I need to do. I have let go of the GAPS diet. I have let go of strict bedtimes. I have let go of guilt for letting Jude watch an episode of Danny Tiger. I have let go of clean clothes every day (or every few days). I have let go of any notion of "doing it all." I have let go of the American cultural standard of a good parent. I have let go of trying to control ANYTHING.</div><div><br></div><div>I have let go of</div><div><br></div><div>Guilt.</div><div>Worry.</div><div>Stress.</div><div>Hurrying.</div><div><br></div><div>I have embraced the mess. I have embraced simple. I have embraced running. I have embraced my friends. I have embraced bike rides with my son. I have embraced sitting around the living room after dinner and just playing although I "should" be getting the kids to bed. I have embraced meaningful talks with my loved ones. I have embraced my flaws and faults and flab. I have embraced my little boys more often and more spontaneously. I have gotten to know my husband again, and stayed up late laughing and looking up dream homes online even though I "should" be getting to bed. I am learning the harmonica because it fills my soul and it IS what I should be doing. I have stayed up until midnight dancing MY HEART OUT with my incredible friends. I have embraced Symphony bars. I have embraced skipping naps for parks and story times. I have embraced a horrificky cracked iPad screen and a messy car. I have accepted the fact that my children will survive if they do not eat 100% organic foods. I have embraced how other cultures parent (it's INCREDIBLY refreshing).</div><div><br></div><div>I have embraced</div><div><br></div><div>Life.</div><div>Love.</div><div>Sunshine.</div><div>Giggles.</div><div><br></div><div>This last month and a half, I have L I V E D. I have lived a joy-filled, undistracted life and I have not posted ONE picture of it online. I've done for my kids. I've done it for my husband. I've done it for MYSELF. I went to Time Out for Women. I started RUNNING. I ran my first (real) 5K today and pushed my two little buddies along with me! I ran two miles pushing two in a stroller and one in the Ergo baby and felt like a rock star. I yelled and screamed my way through a tunnel. I sat on my front porch, with no phone in hand, and read, and played, and ate, and just... sat! I read/listened to BOOKS. Books that changed me. I stayed at the park for an hour after all our friends left. I feel closer to who I was years ago. I have always been a very relaxed, easy-going person but motherhood turned me into a seriously TYPE A mother. That woman is gone and she will not be missed. </div><div><br></div><div>I want my children to remember that their mom DANCED. Their mom SANG. Their mom played that little harmonica will all her heart. Their mom said YES. Their mom let them be dirty boys. Their mom let them dream. Their mom let them try. Their mom believed in them with an undeniable conviction. Their mom was crazy about their dad. Their mom loved and lived life.</div><div><br></div><div>I am seriously H A P P Y, people. For real. This works. This is the way to be a person and not just a mom. This is the way to live. I'm happy to share more details of my journey with anyone who would like to join me in my peaceful existence. </div><div><br></div><div>These are the books I read (in this order) that have helped me in my journey. I'd start here.</div><div><br></div><div>1. Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider</div><div>2. Bebe Day by Day by Pamela Druckerman</div><div>3. How Eskimos Keep their Babies Warm by Mei-Ling Hopgood</div><div><br></div><div>And the real kicker/cherry-on-top/life-changer/READ THIS ONE IF NOTHING ELSE:</div><div><br></div><div>4. Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford</div><div><br></div><div>Big happy sigh, guys. <i>Seriously</i>.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203021101020962935.post-39475674785299304592015-04-14T13:30:00.001-07:002015-04-14T13:40:35.713-07:00A Sun DelayLife is so sweet. So fragile. The lessons of life are flooding into my little world faster than I can take them in, but even if I'm only getting little sips out of the flood from the water hose, I'm savoring every drop. This water is incredibly sweet, and pure, and hydrating. I was starving from thirst and I didn't even know it.<div><br></div><div>My days are filled with the sweetest, purest, most irreplaceable moments and I'm trying to learn to truly savor them. The distractions of our technology-obsessed culture can be devastating to families and relationships and happiness. I don't want those meaningless distractions stealing my precious time away. I want my days to be filled with unplanned walks around the neighborhood, last-minute dance parties, Family Home Evenings, primary songs, cuddling in the living room, family meals around the dinner table, hugs and kisses for no reason at all, and simple, enjoyable family outings. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXjcA-rLgDGCELU1e5XfTMuVxxnaaZNas0YLFO0oLXGQ8qzvGKZfU7ltHL6VN3W92TrJXx5Lbb91Y5FxsN1UrDE3CK3aX85m9EiVac_gpLMgD-qhLq1_2X4UTTetTbqR12FfqM2_LNkjI/s640/blogger-image-1968443181.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXjcA-rLgDGCELU1e5XfTMuVxxnaaZNas0YLFO0oLXGQ8qzvGKZfU7ltHL6VN3W92TrJXx5Lbb91Y5FxsN1UrDE3CK3aX85m9EiVac_gpLMgD-qhLq1_2X4UTTetTbqR12FfqM2_LNkjI/s640/blogger-image-1968443181.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I'm learning that life is about where you end up, it's about getting there. These last few weeks and months for me I have felt God's love for me through small, easily unnoticeable experiences, and also in unforgettable events. The timing of all my lessons and how much I've needed them makes it clear to me that God is aware of me and that's not even to mention all the humbling lessons and experiences themselves! I'm grateful for all life is teaching me and although I know I'm learning slowly and unsurely, I'm learning!</div><div><br></div><div>Friends confiding in me, Jude receiving inspiration, Time Out for Women, General Conference, long talks, little vintage lawn chairs, unplanned photo shoots, the water faucet in the front yard, receiving service, friendly walks and invigorating runs, two big turquoise eyes and two brown ones, hand-written letters, injured dogs, lessons still learning, hearts broken and torn and mending, new running shoes, a motherly visit, a dying, yet life-filled garden, real dates, new running shoes, social media hiatus, a first and a twenty-seventh birthday, Pazookies, an anniversary, a Kiwi dream that died but it still alive, a toddler beach, a life. Four lives that live as one.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7hib0LLAGjExLFfOWT7j8okrBZQbeWvRtmSBqk-PCwO9pu4CHjGflgIkeNIt2wroXY7kJzYgQU-xntbPY2y4PUIrllRupCY84F8AFGqYXx4ES6yKYJ00lekIIWLKpEBv6MQehaDjX-is/s640/blogger-image-553845739.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7hib0LLAGjExLFfOWT7j8okrBZQbeWvRtmSBqk-PCwO9pu4CHjGflgIkeNIt2wroXY7kJzYgQU-xntbPY2y4PUIrllRupCY84F8AFGqYXx4ES6yKYJ00lekIIWLKpEBv6MQehaDjX-is/s640/blogger-image-553845739.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12106015048576664697noreply@blogger.com0