Let's do a pregnancy update just for posterity's sake before it becomes a distant memory!
My past pregnancies were easy as pie. Never nauseated, no swelling. No complications. I was going to the temple at 40 weeks pregnant with Abraham and worked nights until 39+ weeks with Jude! I was immediately exhausted this time around. It was weird but I figured it was just because I was taking care of two other children. Although I've thankfully never really been nauseous in any pregnancy, this time around I would randomly dry heave and gag all the time. I started showing earlier and have gained more weight. (A solid 50 lbs at 36 weeks)
My second trimester I might have had a little more energy (I recollect leaving the house with the kids!) but I was limited because I was already so big. I felt like I jumped straight to the awkwardness of the third trimester without the "break" of the second. Third trimester has been enough to make me never want to be pregnant again! I am have an extremely large belly that constantly bonks things and my kids in the face, I am ridiculously exhausted (1-2 naps EVERY day or I completely loose it), complete emotional instability and irritability (Sorry Dan and kids). I hardly do ANYTHING. If Dan is gone all Day it's all I can do keep the kids fed and MAYBE unload the dishwasher. If he's home I might write two thank you cards while he does everything else. It's starting to get frustrating just because I feel so helpless and nonproductive. There is a lot I want to do but I either don't have the energy for it or am physically unable. Very few articles of clothing fit. You will usually find me in my blue moo-moo.
I have completely lost control of my emotions. I cry usually at least once a day for whatever reason. Last week I broke into full on sobs because Dan used my ice tray to make homemade ice cream. I have taken over our queen-size bed for two months now. Dan sleeps on the aero bed next to mine. It is completely exhausting and emotionally overwhelming for me to run one errand, even by myself. I can't take the kids anywhere. I am tired of all the comments about my size and people asking me if I'm having twins. (I mean, I know I am but it's just the principal of not asking a pregnant woman that). Then they say something like "I figured."
When my mom was here she gave me some alone time to run a couple errands by myself before my doctors appointment. I have since learned this is too much for me. So I ran a couple errands then was trying to get to a store across the access road by the Northstar mall (SUPER confusing area right there). I ended up confused about if I was in the turn lane or not and then i turned left on a green YIELD and the cars going straight were just starting to go. So right as I was turning left, the cars were starting and before I knew it I was SLAMMING on my breaks and there was a large SUV in front of me and I didn't remember a crash but we were so close I was sure we hit. Turns out he was an undercover cop with a stone cold heart. I was sobbing and apologizing and he checked and agreed we did NOT hit, but he had me pull over, wait for about 20 minutes (while some homeless man tried to comfort me) and then came up and told me I would be getting a ticket. He also was worried about the baby and wanted to make sure I was okay. Anyways, that shook me up a little bit. Let's just say I never made it to Goodwill! I did make it to my doctors appointment.
The Saturday night prior Dan sprained his ankle playing basketball with Justin so that was a bummer as all the responsibilities were mine. (I MIGHT have been a little bitter about it on Mothers Day...) luckily my mom was all scheduled to come out that next day on Monday! That was such a blessing!
So the day before my ticket I was getting a non-stress test and mentioned to the NP I had really bad itching. She asked if it was worse in my hands and feet and i enthusiastically told her it was! It was OUT OF CONTROL itching!! Horrible. She told me I probably had cholestasis and they would draw my labs, start me on Ursodial, and induce me at 37 weeks. So that was a lot to take in. My labs confirmed that I did have it but luckily the medicine helped so much and within a week I could tell a big difference in the itching.
I was so grateful my mom was there that week. I don't know what I would have done! I have since been able to talk to Dr Gordon, my perinatologist, and he says the actual risk of stillborn from cholestasis is 1%. My babies are as picture-perfect healthy as can be and growing like weeds! He did not seem very concerned so that brought me a lot of comfort. I have appointments with both my doctors his week so I will be able to talk to them and there is a possibility we may not need to induce them right at 37 weeks, but maybe a few days later.
Baby A has been head down for over a month and I am so grateful! Baby B is a wild one and has gone from head down to breech to transverse all in a few weeks! I'm not counting on him going head down but my doctor is very experienced in vaginal breech births, twin births, and delivery breech twins vaginally! She is awesome and I trust her. She will also have another very experienced doctor there to assist her to help me get both babies here and avoid a C-section so I'm feeling good about that! People will ask me, "so do you have your C-section scheduled?" I don't understand that question. Our babies are made to give birth to the children we conceive. I always tell them that if I can give birth to a ten pound baby I sure can give birth to two smaller ones!
One good thing that has come from my extreme fatigue and all but self-proclaimed bed rest is that the boys have become much more independent and self-sufficient. I tried to I'm encourage that before but now I'm doing it out of necessity. They now clean up after themselves after every meal (put away extra food, dishes in the sink, water bottles in the fridge, wash their hands, etc) and have gotten great at just following orders the first time, helping out, and getting things for me, etc. Jude can finally strap himself into his own car seat 100%! I think this is a great natural transition into me not being able to spend as much time with them, go out as much, and be as involved. They've gotten much better at playing together and working out their own issues without coming to me. I was exhausted this morning after staying up late last night. The kids got up at 7:30 with Dan, Dan left at 8:30 for clinic, and they let me sleep until 9:30!!! Then Abraham came up, "mommy, have some breakfast?" and he pulled me out of bed. I was so grateful! Their expectations have definitely gone down and I think that's a good thing right now! You're welcome, future wives.
They are both head down and induction date is scheduled for Friday, June 17th! I feel very peaceful about this. It was originally Tuesday but I was able to get it pushed back until Friday. I know it's only a few days, but I am not a fan of inductions and very much believe in letting the baby, or babies, come when they're ready, not at the doctor or mother's convenience. I am grateful just to have even three more days to let them grow inside the way Mother Nature intended! I'm 3 cm as of last Friday so I feel better knowing they are least preparing to come. Thanks to that fact, I won't have to go in the night before and receive Cervidil.
It works out 100x better for my mom too. She was able to switch her flight to Wednesday and now she can get all her flooring/house situation all situated before leaving my dad alone for a few weeks!
After yesterday, I feel so much more peaceful and at ease. I know I need to get induced and understand that with my cholestasis and having twins, the benefits of induction outweigh the risks. According to the ultrasound at 34 weeks, Baby A measured 5 lb 9 oz and Baby B measured 6 lb 5 oz! So I know they will be healthy weights and they hopefully won't be little miniature NICU-bound babies!
Update (6/16/16): Mimi got into town yesterday! It's such a relief to have her here and I am so grateful to her and Dad for their sacrifices for her to be able to come out for so long and help us.
I am finally feeling emotionally and mentally ready to have the babies. My dear friend, Brittany Heywood, came over a couple days ago and we were able to have a great talk. There really is something about drawing strength from other women. She is so special to me and I hold her words dear to my heart.
When we were waiting for Abraham to come, I turned a lot to my ancestors to gain strength from their faith and trials. I had been wanting to watch the movie, Ephraim's Rescue, before I had Abraham to give me a final push of strength since one of my direct ancestors, Elizabeth Simpson Bradshaw, is featured in that movie. I was 41 weeks and 4 days and still hadn't gotten around to watching it. That night we watched it and that night mild twinges (I can't even call them contractions because they were so mild) began! Abraham was born at 10:30 the next morning!
I wanted to watch that movie again so Jude and I watched yesterday while Abraham was sleeping. I was also able to get a blessing from Dan last night and it confirmed to me how much Heavenly Father knows me. I was blessed with the sweetest blessings and heard just what I needed to hear. I am so grateful for a husband worthy to call upon his priesthood and give a powerful blessing at any time. I am so grateful for those powerful words I received and I know I will read them over and over again to find strength as I continue through motherhood. I am so grateful for the peace I feel as I soon will be having one of the most special experiences of my entire life. What an unfathomable blessing Heavenly Father bestows upon his daughters, allowing them to bear children and bring them into this world. I feel privileged to ever be counted among the strong women that my ancestors were and pray that I can raise my children in faith and hard work as they did.
I wrote this out a couple months ago right after we found out we're having twins and I'm finally getting around to posting it! I'm really good at not blogging. Wow. Wow! It's absolutely incredible how my life utterly changed in one moment. It has been miraculous. A true blessing and miracle in which I become more and more grateful every day.
I had been waiting for my insurance to go through so I could go see the midwife since I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for a couple months and were so excited to find out in October that we were expecting! There had been some problems with my insurance and it hadn't gone through. I kept setting up appointments to go see the midwives (same group who delivered Abraham) and I kept getting a call the day before telling me my insurance hadn't gone through. I was also originally just going to take Jude with me to the appointment as Dan was in school and I thought it would be a good experience for Jude to be able to see the baby on the ultrasound and spend that one-on-one time with me.
So my insurance finally went through mid-December and I had an appointment set up for December 22, the day after my parents left town. Since Dan was out of school we decided to make it a family affair and all go! We went into our appointment as calm as could be. The midwife asked us if we had any questions and we didn't have one! We explained how we'd done this before and felt comfortable with the whole process and didn't have any questions or concerns. She proceeded to get the ultrasound ready, so Dan walked up to the side of the bed holding the boys in each arm so they could see. She applied the cool jelly and put the wand on my belly and before we could blink the picture appeared. Dan and I both saw the picture but nothing registered. Then the midwife exclaimed, "Oh! There's two! It's twins!" My eyes got big as I studied the ultrasound and could NOT deny the two perfectly visible little babies on the screen. The one on the right was stretching his arms way up high, smashing the other one and they were kicking and wiggling all around. It was INCREDIBLE!!! I immediately started crying and laughing like a mad woman and just kept repeating, "are you sure?!" and "are you serious?!" I was in shock!!! I was trying to stay still so she could take her pictures and do her measurements but I could not stop myself from laughing and my tummy kept shaking!
I looked over at Dan and he just had a blank stare on his emotionless face and big huge wide eyes (which remained for several days). He says the thought of having twins had "never crossed (his) mind... ever" so it took him a while to process what was happening! He didn't really have much to say but was just standing there completely dumbfounded.
Those next few minutes were magical. There was an almost tangible magical, surreal, out-of-body feeling in that room. It was amazing! The thought of having twins had definitely crossed my mind before, but I never entertained the thought that we might ever actually have twins. Since I was adopted, I don't know my family history at all so I had no reason to believe I might ever have twins. I also don't have any of the other predisposing factors (like being older, on fertility treatments, etc). So I really NEVER thought we would have twins! Dan doesn't have any twins on his side but the midwife said it depends completely on the mother's side anyway. I used to think that it would be nice to have twins because they are all close in age and if we homeschool, it would be a benefit to have them closer in age and more on the same level. I had already thought that I wanted to have our fourth closer together than our other ones, well I sure got what I wanted! Dan says he would have been more than happy to stop at 3, but we sure found out that wasn't in the plans for us!
The midwife told us that they don't see twin births since any twin pregnancy is considered "high risk," so we were referred to a OB/GYN doctor and a perinatologist. We went and got my blood drawn and stayed in shock for at least a few days! Since Christmas was only a few days away, we waited until Christmas to tell our families and many of our friends were out of town. The waiting was so hard! It has been so fun to be able to tell everyone individually though and see their reactions! The first appointment was so surreal and fast and the midwife didn't know a lot about twins/I didn't know anything to ask, so I've been really anxious to go see the doctor and see them again and get some of my questions answered.
I feel humbled that Heavenly Father is entrusting me with not just one precious baby from heaven, but two! I definitely feel inadequate and not up to the task, but now that I know about them, I wouldn't and couldn't have it any other way! I love them so immensely and my prayers have been so sincere as I pray for their health and safe arrival.
We were originally not going to find out the gender of the baby but now with this curveball we have decided to. There is so much new anxiety and questions, not knowing the genders would be too much!! I have a lot to prepare for and I feel like a first-time mom again!
I am so grateful that I am healthy and have had two healthy pregnancies and pray that this one will be without complications. I know they are more common so I'm trying my best to have realistic expectations. I have a little anxiety when I contemplate how large I'm going to be and how it will be difficult for me to do everything I need to do! I already have an impressive girth (at 12 weeks!) and have started wearing only maternity pants. I have been extremely tired and have had acid reflux and round ligament pain for weeks now and have felt the babies kick starting at ten weeks, I swear! At the time I thought I was crazy but now that I know that's more common in twins, I know it really was them! They were both as healthy as can be.
They both looked healthy as can be from the mini ultrasound she did. One measured 12 weeks and 2 days and the other measured 12 weeks and 3 days. They appear to be in their own amniotic sacs, meaning they are probably not identical. But we will not know any details until our next appointment at least. The perinatologist squeezed us in for an appointment this coming Thursday. We are so excited!
I took an unintentional break from blogging, but here I am and there's a lot to catch up on! I'm so glad I documented my thoughts throughout my journey of letting go. What a beautiful time of life and literal gift from God! I didn't know it at the time, but my journey of letting go was preparing me for something I hver could have imagined... finding out were having twins! I know Heavenly Father in his infinite wisdom helped me to learn to just let go and simplify my life in so many ways and LOVE more and move forward in my life because he knew I would need it through this next phase of life. I was a LITTLE uptight/high-strung/hard on Dan and myself (and undoubetdly my children!). I wasn't embracing life and just content with the happiness of every day. Can you imagine the stress case and frazzled woman I would have been adding twins to that woman's life?! Heaven help me! And I am so grateful heaven did! I still feel far from "ready" to have twins and I know I won't necessarily ever feel "ready," but I'm grateful I've taken time focusing on MYSELF and my relationship with Dan and my own happiness. I'm afraid I would have just crumbled! I know my journey of letting go is just beginning and I love that. The more I let go, the more beauty and joy I can let in. I have literally seen myself and my life and my marriage TRANSFORM. Not because my life changed or Dan changed, but because I changed. What beautiful lives we live. We are constantly growing and changing and although it can be a little uncomfortable and difficult, we come out more polished and full of joy IF WE LET OURSELVES. There is so much I want to do and learn and become and obtain. We live in a world of limitless possibilities and opportunities for growth and happiness. I want to seek that learning and growth and be my best self and create the best life I can for my family.
Dan finished part one of his boards yesterday! (It's the most difficult part.) And although we won't know if he passed for two months, we have peace and confidence in our future. He worked SO hard studying diligently and preparing for this test. He studied long hours but even through it all he never lost that balance. He still made time for us, studying at home so he could see us for his breaks, changing dirty diapers for me during those breaks, coming out to help out the kids to bed, coming home to dinner NEVER being made and never complaining about it but just dutifully making it himself. He, once again, proved his love and devotion to his family through his actions day in and day out. I am FOREVER grateful for a husband who is dedicated to his family and working hard to provide for us and provide for our future.
I will write the story of finding out about the twins next! It has been an emotional, overwhelming, and exciting journey letting that sink in! I am now 24 weeks pregnant, look like I'm 9 months pregnant, and am so grateful they are both as healthy as can be! We are being blessed with two more little boys and couldn't be more excited about it! It's the perfect little family for life on the farm! (Which we currently definitely don't have but are working to have it soon!) I am over-the-moon elated that Dan is done with his big test and can spend more time with us and help more! Let the nesting begin...
Dan after he finished his BOARDS!!!!!!! Best husband ever!
'We are mothers. We pride ourselves in taking care of our children, and others, and putting ourselves last. We may not do this intentionally, it just happens by our nature and the demanding nature of young children.
I've recently discovered the >>>JOY<<< of taking care of myself! It is magnificent. It is life-changing. I realized I was very selfless by nature and in always caring for others and not myself, I had become slightly unhappy because I was DRAINED. As I have had this God-given change of heart over these last few months, this is one of the major changes I've made, and it's made one of the biggest differences in my overall happiness. I was talking with some friends the other day and someone mentioned the sheer necessity of taking care of ourselves and two different women asked, "how do we do that?!" I was surprised that this idea was new to them but I quickly realized I was in there same place not long ago. I am so elated to be past that place and be where I am today. I always knew I should "take care of myself" but I didn't think it was really possible or have any practical ideas to really do it. I thought I would share a few ideas I've learned on how to be just a little more selfish and take care of OURSELVES! (And don't worry, it's not really being selfish. Doing so makes everyone around us happier, especially our husbands and children!)
1. Politely but firmly excuse yourself of guilt.
Have you ever gone out for a girls night or dropped your little ones off for a friend to watch them during an appointment? After you dropped them off did you wonder and worry about how they were doing and check up on them and hurry home as quickly as possible? Or did you fully enjoy your time away from them? However small or for whatever reason you are away, make the most of it! There is nothing to feel guilty about when leaving them. You are their MOTHER. You give your all to them day and night. When you get a little break, TAKE IT! Make it just that, a break! Don't fret over your children the whole time or feel like, "oh, I should be there. They probably need me..." Turn your mom-o-meter off and enjoy yourself! Think about yourself, your goals, your dreams, your interests, listen to your favorite songs, etc.
2. "Daddy's in charge."
With me working, we've had the blessing of having Dan get to spend full days taking care of the kids, from morning until night. I'd come home and anxiously ask him how the day was. He would casually reply how they ate great vegetable-filled meals without complaint, went BM with no issues, didn't complain and whine, casually took a nap on the couch, played independently while Dan cleaned the whole house and made homemade bread, and happily went to bed at 6:30. I was bewildered. One time, Dan took the boys to church when I wasn't feeling well and Dan said Jude fell asleep in the car, transferred into the church pew, and slept all the way through Sacrament meeting on the chairs. THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME. I would watch Dan and us and wonder what was different. Why were the kids so much more independent and easy-going when I wasn't around? I realized when I was around I would micromanage not only my kids but Dan and how he took care of them. "They need this! Don't forget to do this..." etc. I would also get on Dan's case about not giving them enough attention and "ignoring them." But if they were more well-behaved when I wasn't around, maybe my constant worrying and doting was just making them more whiney and dependent.
Sometimes, when I would get home from being away, they (mostly Jude) would start whining, crying, and complaining. I would ask Dan if he'd been like this and he said, "no, not at all!" I realized I had a lot to learn from Dan and he needed to take the reigns to teach me a thing or two. When we were all together from then on, I would say "Daddy's in charge!" And anytime the kids would need something (from some food to some discipline) I would gladly tell them that Daddy's in charge and if they needed something to talk to him. I learned a lot from watching his more relaxed approach and it's helped me try to apply those principles in how I care for them.
One time, Jude turned to me and in an extremely whiney, high-pitched, complaining voice he said, "Mommy, but I really want some waaaaatermelon." ALL I said was "Daddy's in charge." He turned to Dan and he said in the most pleasant, appropriate voice, "Daddy, can I please have some watermelon?" To say I was shocked and appalled would be an understatement.
3. Budget time and money for you, mama!
I'm a really frugal person by nature and my natural response to anything that cost any money was always the same, "no thanks." I just didn't spend money on anything "extra." I wouldn't go to play dates at the toddler gym because it cost. We wouldn't go out with friends because of the money. I wouldn't go out on girls nights to save the money. Since my change of heart, I realized it was OKAY to spend some money on MYSELF. Yes, we don't make any money. And yes, we're in debt, but I can't wait until we're financially stable to start LIVING MY LIFE. That is essentially what I was doing. I was missing out on opportunities, experiences, and little drops in my happiness bucket because I didn't want to spend the extra dollars. Well, things have changed. I'm worth it. My kids are worth it. It may only add up to an extra few hundred dollars a year. That is worth me going out to get ice cream with my girlfriends. That is worth me and the kids going on an outing to the museum. That is worth Dan and I paying for a real babysitter and going out to dinner.
When I was first coming out of my sadness hermitdom, I NEEDED some time to myself. My dear mother knew I was struggling and knew I needed a break so she gifted me for my birthday some money to pay for a babysitter and just go out by myself in the day and recharge. I would also hire a young 12-year-old girl from my church congregation, have her come over after I put the kids to bed, and I would leave her a list of nitty gritty chores to do around the house! How ingenious is that?! My kids were in bed and I would come home to a clean house. And that girl could work! You have to really look around to find the right boy or girl who is willing to work. It felt amazing to go out on a date and then come home to a cleaner house. Win. Win. Win.
We also do date night swaps with our friends. We will put our kids to bed and have a friend come over and hang out on our couch for two hours while we go out. Then we will return the favor another night! Win. Win.
Now I'm the one planning dates with Dan and girl's nights out with my girls. It has honestly helped me so much to let go of my extreme need to not spend. I AM WORTH IT. (Say that out loud in a confident, convincing voice!)
One more example. My friend's husband was out of town for a whole month on a medical school rotation. She had been through pretty much everything that month and she decided to take herself out on a date! She went to a steakhouse and enjoyed a nice, quiet meal by herself. She then went to a movie! You go girl!
4. Truly believe the fact that you're worth it and you deserve it.
You are worth it! You are beautiful inside and out. Embrace this fact by taking care of yourself. My grandmother used to say, "you have to fill your own tank before you can fill anyone else's."
5. Realize it's okay to put your needs before your childrens sometimes.
I used to exhaust myself "taking care" of my children all day. I wouldn't even give my mind a break. I was always thinking about what they needed next, what I needed to do for them, etc. By evening I was a dehydrated, dysfunctional sponge. When I realized I deserved more, it changed everything. My friends have running group, walki group, and play group. I didn't go for a YEAR after Abraham was born because he needed his nap, etc. I started to get depressed. I wasn't living my life as whole-heartedly and passionately as I could and I felt like something was missing. I had to "take care of the kids" by staying home to cook, clean,ap and let them nap?! They weren't living either. Now we go running with friends twice a week, walki at the park once a week, and play group once a week. So four mornings every week I am out exercising, enjoying being outside, chatting with my friends, and my children are playing with other kids and we get a break from each other. It's marvelous. I'm not bei selfish by going out running so I can be fit. It's as much for them as it is for me! I am happier and healthier, so I'm a better mother and wife and friend and person!
6. Take advantage of the small moments. At the park, bring a book.
Like I said, I used to not even give my mind a break from the worry and angst of motherhood. I have let it go. I've let it all go. I've embraced the fact that I can't heal Jude immediately, I can't ensure a lengthy nap for Abraham every day. I can't control that my children will eat a perfectly balanced meal three times a day. I have stopped worrying about things I can't change. And my mind now has so much more time and space to learn more and just be content. I read more now. (Full blog post all about that below) After the kids eat and they are settled, I leisurely lie down on the couch and read a book. If they come up to me needing something, I politely tell them that I am reading right now and I'll talk to them in a minute. I deserve that time. I don't have to wait until they are both in bed to enjoy some time to recharge myself. When I go to the park or story time at the library. I will bring a book or my journal and excuse myself from my duties (safety is always my duty, of course, and I never excuse myself from that!) and enjoy MY time in peace. Even if it's only ten minutes. That's ten minutes. I don't feel the need to catch my child at he bottom of the slide, meet them at the other side of the tunnel, or narrate their play. It's good for them to have a little independence, interact with other children, and feel like I trust them to play on their own. (This obviously varies greatly by the age and circumstances of your children. Mine are just joyfully at the ages where they can play at the park on their own pretty safely.)
If your husband gets home early and can help out the kids to bed, tell him you are going to let him experience the joy of putting the kids to bed on his own and you will be locked in the bedroom. Take advantage of any opportunity you need to nourish yourself! You know when you are stretched too thin and you need to take care of yourself. You deserve it! Make it happen!
7. Try to maintain a more long-term perspective.
A dear friend of mine, after having two boys very close together, has made "all is well that ends well" her motto. How refreshing! Don't get too caught up in the moment. Remember that they are growing. They won't be babies forever. They won't be toddlers forever. They will grow so fast and before long they won't want to spend every waking hour with you. When they get a little older they play together! Without supervision?! (I hear that will happen eventually.) It's okay if they don't get their vitamins today. It's okay if they look homeless today. It's okay if your house is a wreck. They won't remember what the house looked like or what you made (or didn't make) for dinner. They'll remember how they felt at home. They'll remember how mom made them always feel loved and special.
I love the wise words of Jeffrey R. Holland, "Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You're doing better than you think you are."
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I have reconnected with my love for dancing throughout this journey of finding myself again. It's an outlet for me. I dance as often as possible. The other day while Jude was asleep, I felt like dancing! And recording it. So I did. Now that was a three minutes well-spent and I feel like I rock star when I watch it. I'm sharing this because I feel like it perfectly depicts the new me and how I've just learned to embrace life. No, I didn't get all ready that day and I didn't make a fancy dinner, but I was happy. :)
Last night I was leaving the house and I told Jude I was leaving and gave him a big hug and kiss and told him I loved him and good night. He seemed totally (okay, relatively) okay with it. I walked to the door and when I turned around to bid one last adieu, he had trampled off towards the stairs. I figured he had ran up the stairs to see Daddy.
I was talking to Dan about it later that evening and Dan asked, "So Jude was pretty upset that you left?" I explained to him that no, she was happy as could be! Dan told me that when he came downstairs and saw Jude he looked like he'd been crying. Dan asked him if he'd been crying and he replied, "I haven't been crying." He then shuffled over to the chair and pointed to two wet puddles on the cushion. Dan asked, "Have you been crying on the chair?" Jude confessed that he had, after all. They then embraced and all was well.
Sometimes it gets a little exhausting to feel so overwhelmed by young children who are so dependent and especially partial to the assistance of their mothers. But moments like this help me remember how precious this time is. I left the house and he was so overcome he just burst into tears because he just longed to be with me! Can you imagine if I got that sad when Dan left the house? Besides that I would probably be unstable, it's just evidence of how passionate children are in their love. They're not trying to be strong. They just love us so much it almost hurts! They are so transparent and innocent.
Jude is sleeping in his teepee and almost every night he comes in and climbs into bed with us, usually first thing in the morning. I've tried to get him to stay in his bed and he knows he's supposed to stay. So now almost every morning when I wake up, he's lying so uncomfortably on the floor. He just wants to be near me! He would rather lie on the hard floor and be within a few feet of me than be in his nice, cozy bed. How precious. I remember feeling that way as a child, I just wanted to be BY my mom and dad! Jude is so loyal to me and I'm so grateful. I hope to cultivate our relationship and develop that trust so he will always want to be with me and consider me someone he can always trust and talk to and who is always there for him!
My little boy is a school-goer! He started preschool and we are excited for him and his growth. My friend here in town transformed a room in her house into a preschool room and has a great little set-up. She's spent a lot of time creating lesson plans and games and songs and other activities for the boys! His class is 9:00-11:30 on Tuesdays and Thursday's and there are five boys in his class!
I'm really excited for him to progress and have this experience. He's so ready and had no problem at all going off on his own!
I thought it started at 9:30 and spent the morning getting everyone and everythingn all ready! My thoughtful friend, Brittany, texted me, "are you coming?" And I got a pit in my stomach when I realized what I'd done!! Our pleasant morning quickly became chaos and we rushed into the car and off we went! Luckily our neighbor, Kara, was in the same boat as me and we were late together!
Jude didn't have much to say about it but it wasn't hard to tell he really enjoyed it! He learned about the letter "A" and later in the day asked questions about te days of the week. We also worked on his A sticker worksheet and I was proud of his determination in doing a good job on it!