Loyal.

Last night I was leaving the house and I told Jude I was leaving and gave him a big hug and kiss and told him I loved him and good night. He seemed totally (okay, relatively) okay with it. I walked to the door and when I turned around to bid one last adieu, he had trampled off towards the stairs. I figured he had ran up the stairs to see Daddy.

I was talking to Dan about it later that evening and Dan asked, "So Jude was pretty upset that you left?" I explained to him that no, she was happy as could be! Dan told me that when he came downstairs and saw Jude he looked like he'd been crying. Dan asked him if he'd been crying and he replied, "I haven't been crying." He then shuffled over to the chair and pointed to two wet puddles on the cushion. Dan asked, "Have you been crying on the chair?" Jude confessed that he had, after all. They then embraced and all was well.

Sometimes it gets a little exhausting to feel so overwhelmed by young children who are so dependent and especially partial to the assistance of their mothers. But moments like this help me remember how precious this time is. I left the house and he was so overcome he just burst into tears because he just longed to be with me! Can you imagine if I got that sad when Dan left the house? Besides that I would probably be unstable, it's just evidence of how passionate children are in their love. They're not trying to be strong. They just love us so much it almost hurts! They are so transparent and innocent. 

Jude is sleeping in his teepee and almost every night he comes in and climbs into bed with us, usually first thing in the morning. I've tried to get him to stay in his bed and he knows he's supposed to stay. So now almost every morning when I wake up, he's lying so uncomfortably on the floor. He just wants to be near me! He would rather lie on the hard floor and be within a few feet of me than be in his nice, cozy bed. How precious. I remember feeling that way as a child, I just wanted to be BY my mom and dad! Jude is so loyal to me and I'm so grateful. I hope to cultivate our relationship and develop that trust so he will always want to be with me and consider me someone he can always trust and talk to and who is always there for him!

ABRAHAM @ 15 months

This little boy has the best little personality. He is witty, determined, mischievous, loving, and strong. He has the most heart-melting little smile. He'll look at me (or anybody) with that smile and my heart is his! He is very smart. He says mom, dad, dog, doggy, ball, Tubby, bubble, double, NO, hi, and thank you! He very much has his own opinion about everything. He is also very tough and picks himself back up when he falls, and when he cries he gets over it within seconds and usually all on his own. He is very independent and also very coordinated. Since he was probably about 9 months old he intuitively turns around and scoots backwards when he's getting off a bed, crawling down stairs, going down a curb (even if it's a one-inch curb), or going down the slope of a driveway. He has been walking pretty well since about 13 months old and now he is getting more confident and will walk down driveways normally. He is still reluctant about stairs, thank goodness! In all reality he is very coordinated and has good balance and I think a lot of it is because I have tried to be very hands-off with him and let him tumble and fall so he has learned how to be careful. I was very much a "helicopter mom" with Jude and it's been interesting to see how different their personalities and development is. It's hard to know how much of it is "nature" and how much is "nurture." Anyways, Abraham is seriously such a special little boy. He has so much personality. He loves his mama and daddy so much. He loves to play with Dan. Dan will lay down on the ground and Abraham will come over and and climb on him and bounce on him and give him strawberries (raspberries, I don't know why we call them strawberries). But he always wants to be around his mama. He still nurses a few times a day and when I ask, "do you want to nurse?" he throws down whatever he was playing with and runs over to me with a big smile on his face. He is a great eater. He eats pretty much anything and everything! He eats exactly the same as Jude except I also give him raw milk, homemade yogurt made from raw milk, Kerrygold butter, eggs, and occasionally some other organic meat if we are eating it. He has never eaten any grains or processed foods and he is as healthy as a horse! It is so nice because he has never tasted those artificially sweet and processed foods so to him, berries, bananas, and nectarines or peaches are the biggest treat! 

He loves running around and playing outside. We are visiting my parents right now and he loves to play around the pool. He will grab something walk over the pool and throw it in and then look back at us as his mischievous little smile. Then he will get down on his tummy and reach her and try to grab it out. We put the little puddle jumper life jacket on him and although it's too big for him he fearlessly jumps off the stop in right into the deep part of the pool and actually does a pretty good job swimming around! When he doesn't have his life jacket on he very cautiously walks through the water on the shallow step and splash with the biggest smile on his face. 

 

He gives the absolute BEST kisses! He gives them when you ask but maybe only once every 20 times you ask! He has to be in the kiss-giving mood. If he does, it makes it that much better! He will turn you with his open mouth and go "mmmmm.....muah!!" If I give him a kiss and just keep saying, "mmmm....." He will just wait and wait until I say "muah!!" 

He and Jude love each other and I can definitely see that bond forming, but they also have their fair share of tiffs. They are (constantly) hitting and pushing each other, taking toys from each other, and somehow always seem to find a way to offend the other. Abraham is still a little too young to understand how Jude plays so they still have trouble playing together really well. They certainly have their precious moments where they play and laugh and hug and share and those are PRICELESS!!

We love our little boy so much. He is the perfect addition to our family and I can not imagine life without him!! 

Food matters.

Food has kind of taken over my life lately. We are all about it. We are learning to eat more nourishing, healthy foods, whether we like them or not. And we like it. It is extremely satisfying to see Jude gulp up a wholy healthy drink with a smile on his face. Earlier today I made him a juice that consisted of (all organic):

Frozen peaches

Fresh-pressed apple juice

Hemp hearts

Parsley

Kale

Olive oil

Carrot

Sauerkraut

Ginger root

We don't have a juicer but we use our Blendtec and it works! It feels good to just drink up many of the healthy things you need for the day in one glass. 

Anyone else gotten into juicing/green smoothies?

I love a good trip to Whole Foods. I went to Wal-Mart the other day while on a road trip and could scarcely find anything to eat/anything I considered real food. My desire to eat chicken, beef, pork, eggs, or milk that is not organic is low. Have you seen Food, Inc? You should! You will understand why I say what I say! Jude's diagnosis has been an ongoing struggle, but it is definitely a blessing in disguise as I have learned so much out of necessity and an incredible desire to help my child. I am grateful that we are going through this with our first so we have been able to make these changes now. I will feed Abraham and our other children very similar to how I feed Jude (with obvious differences, I will feed them raw dairy and many other things Jude can't have... but no wheat or other junky milk products/processed foods). 

We introduced hemp into Jude's diet as the last food in this phase of his food reintroduction. He seems to be tolerating it well as far as we can tell. Let's hope and pray for a clear EGD come September. It's never too early to start praying so please join the forces and start praying for him!

Our visit to Las Vegas has been so nice. We spent a few days here then went to a family reunion in Durango, Colorado for a week. Have you ever been there? It is GORGEOUS beyond gorgeous. 

Jude has been enjoying storytime with Mimi, swimming with Papa, tummy tickles with Tubby, and play time with Abraham. Abraham has been enjoying grabbing everything in sight and putting it in his mouth. Abraham is the most content, pleasant little child on Earth. It's a little ridiculous to tell you the truth. He never complains. He just smiles and laughs and gives big hugs to whoever is holding him.

Summer vaca is treating us well. More to come.

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kicks&&giggles.

Yesterday Dan was holding Abraham and he gave Dan a little kick. Dan said, "Ouch! You got me!" And Abraham LAUGHED! It was the cutest little exhale of a laugh. We looked at each other like, "Did he just laugh?!" Yes, he did! And he just did it again!

Just now we were laying down by each other as soon as I started nursing him he just got the biggest smile on his face. Then he started laughing again. My heart got so big and I just couldn't contain my love for him. We started talking to each other and laughing and smiling and... life was really good at that moment.

Dan and Jude are over at the empty parking lot next door playing "SOCCA!!" with some of Dan's friends from school.

Life is good.

Update: Yesterday I was holding Abraham and Jude was right by him. Abraham was looking over at Jude and he just got the BIGGEST GRIN on his face and then did his little laugh. I nudged Jude and we both got so excited! "He loves you! He loves you so much honey!!"

:)

one week.

What an amazing whirlwind of a week it has been! There is so much, so much, to say! Right now I want to focus on this incredibly precious little Spirit that has joined our family. He has changed our lives with his precious little heart. One week ago today, last Sunday night, I was still in an altered state of reality, somewhat in shock of what just occurred. No amount of preparation or reading or praying or Hypnobabies or anything else could have prepared me for my natural birthing experience. Words are like a handful of sand thrown into an ocean of feelings and thoughts that can and never will be adequately expressed. And that's okay. I have an incredibly special bond with this little angel who didn't come easy and taught me a lot about myself. He wiggled his way right into my tummy, enjoyed his highly-nutritious placenta, and coyly gave his mama an extra fifty pounds to keep him comfortable for the 41 weeks and five days he spent there.

This little boy of mine has the most peaceful little demeanor. He has a very mild and content temperament, but also has a strength about him and is unusually alert for a baby his age. He had a perfect latch and has nursed like a champion minutes out of the womb and hasn't stopped. He likes to sleep by his mama all night and no where else and I don't mind. The first two nights home I tried to put him back in his bassinet after he nursed and that was not a winning battle. By night three I just accepted it and realized it was actually quite lovely to sleep next to my baby all night. I usually try to sit up and nurse him in the cross-cradle because that's best for babies learning how to nurse, but sometimes we just nurse side-lying and he eats it right up. We get a little sweaty. Who knew it would be miserably hot here in February?!

DISCLAIMER: This is in no way an indicator of real life. We had a family photo shoot on Friday and this was taken then. We don't normally coordinate and naturally look that peaceful and made up. :)

I had to stay at the hospital for two nights due to postpartum hemorrhaging and it felt like days on end. I was so elated to be wheeled out of that hospital and feel the sun on my face on that Tuesday afternoon with my circumcised baby and my non-transfused circulatory system. The first couple days home are kind of a blur of short spans of sleeping intertwined with diaper changes, cord cleaning, not making it to the bathroom (or even close), Symphony bars, headaches, squirt bottles, lovely dinners made by my mama, nursing, cuddling with my new little angel, and an ill-attempt at taking care of a post Mogen-clamp circumcision. I remember looking in the mirror for those few days and being frightened by my dangerously pale and yellowed skin.

Welcome to real life! I did not apply or fix my make-up before any pictures, obviously. I want to portray birthing and motherhood as it is naturally and embrace the beauty in that.

I feel more and more like myself and enjoy my sweet little boys more and more every day. I can't imagine Jude adjusting any better to the addition of a new baby. I'm sure it helps that Mimi has been giving him all the attention I haven't been able to. He loves "Abe!" and likes to help me care for him, but most the time he just does his own thing. He has actually just very naturally become a lot more independent since our little baby came. He spends more time playing alone with his "TRAC-TOR!" that he made out of his wooden train and his other little games he makes up. He has been a little more sensitive lately. The only "tantrum" he threw was when we first tried to put Abraham in his swing. That lasted for about ten minutes and now he has no problem. He is such a sweet little boy and I only love him more now that his brother is here.

much needed Daddy time

The father of the household got a head cold the day we got home from the hospital and wasn't really able to help take care of Abraham at all. He also had missed two tests that Monday and Tuesday and had to make them up on Thursday and Friday so he was so busy studying. That was the hardest part of those first few days home for me. I missed having him by my side because he was right there by me the whole time at the hospital. Thankfully, he has started to feel better and is back to his normal loving, sweet self. I missed him! (He was kind of zombie-like for a few days) It has been one of my greatest joys to see him come into his own as a father and love these babies.

My dear mother. She has kept this family together and we are so grateful to her. She takes care of every meal, all the laundry, all the cleaning, every errand, and every other task we need her to do. She takes care of Jude fully, from his medication routine to his intricate meal/milk preparations (which can be intimidating!). She cares for us not only physically (making me take my foul-tasting Iron supplement), but loves us and takes care of us just like we are her babies.

I am the luckiest girl in the world. I can not imagine being more blessed. I am so grateful to be the wife to an incredibly sweet and faithful husband. I am humbled to be the daughter to the most supportive and loving parents who sacrifice everything for their children. I am brought to my knees in gratitude to be the mother to two absolutely perfect angel babies. I am blessed beyond measure. My overall love, which I thought was already overflowing, has been expounded upon and magnified exponentially. I am happier and more filled with love than I knew I could be. The arrival of Abraham has not only added the enormous, indescribable love I have for him, but because of him, my love for my husband and my precious Jude has grown so much stronger as well.

A day at the park for three, one of which is two.

The day of Jude's birthday, we dropped Mimi and Papa off at the airport early Sunday. We enjoyed a day at church and took Jude to the park that afternoon to try to do something special for his birthday. He tried out his new bike and we enjoyed the ducks and our beautiful world. As I look back at these pictures, I just feel so grateful to have these two in my life. They bring me so much joy. I mean, is it just me or are these two really cute?!

Dan and Jude were walking along and Jude just wanted to sit. So they plopped down by each other and just there as content as can be for like, thirty minutes. It was adorable.

Throwing rocks with Daddy

Mimi &Papa visit San Antonio

My parents came to visit at the end of September. It is always so glorious and exciting to have them visit! We had so much fun visiting the Japanese Tea Gardens and The Riverwalk and downtown San Antonio.