Tuesday, January 21, 2014

right where you belong.

My dear little one,
     Goodness. There is so much to say. Now that I've had a child before, I understand that I don't understand how much I love you. I just can't until I see your little face and recognize you. I fell in love so deeply with someone I knew so well the moment I saw Jude, and I know I will with you, too. I know I already know you, I just have to remember. Every once in a while while you are rolling around in my tummy I can tell you are trying to get my attention or in your own little way let me know you are in there and you are trying to give me a little glimpse of your personality. 
    I am in awe of my capacity to love as a mother. It is innate and stronger than anything else I know. I feel so saturated with love in my heart for your brother, but I know as soon as I meet your little soul I will realize my heart just didn't know it was about to double in size. I know there is plenty of room in here for a twice-as-big heart. I adore you, my sweet little baby.
    We went to the temple tonight. Just me and you. You behaved like the little angel you are and I peacefully made it through the session, not once having to go to the bathroom or feeling like I may die if I didn't immediately obtain a piece of ice to chew. It was special to be there with you. Everyone told me I was brave. I didn't feel brave, just grateful and happy.
    I am so excited for you to join our family. We have been waiting for what feels like so long for you to come. Jude already loves you so much and I dream of you two becoming best of friends. I think you will really like being in our family. We really love each other and have a lot of fun. You are going to be so incredibly loved. Your mother will fiercely and lovingly protect you and adore you every day of your life. When you get a little older, your dad will take you on all sorts of fishing and camping trips. There will not be enough weekends in the year for him to take his boys out on another adventure! We will have a wonderful life. I will see to it that you are raised in a home where love and happiness abound. 
    You are all mine now. Soon I will have to share you, and before I know it you will be off on your own adventures. So for now, just be my baby. All mine. We can have our secrets and keep each other company for another couple weeks. So let's get ready for a "beautiful birthing" my sweet little boy. ;) I am so anxious and giddy to meet your precious spirit and lay my eyes on your perfect little face.

All my eternal, rock-solid, unwavering love,
Mama