kicks&&giggles.

Yesterday Dan was holding Abraham and he gave Dan a little kick. Dan said, "Ouch! You got me!" And Abraham LAUGHED! It was the cutest little exhale of a laugh. We looked at each other like, "Did he just laugh?!" Yes, he did! And he just did it again!

Just now we were laying down by each other as soon as I started nursing him he just got the biggest smile on his face. Then he started laughing again. My heart got so big and I just couldn't contain my love for him. We started talking to each other and laughing and smiling and... life was really good at that moment.

Dan and Jude are over at the empty parking lot next door playing "SOCCA!!" with some of Dan's friends from school.

Life is good.

Update: Yesterday I was holding Abraham and Jude was right by him. Abraham was looking over at Jude and he just got the BIGGEST GRIN on his face and then did his little laugh. I nudged Jude and we both got so excited! "He loves you! He loves you so much honey!!"

:)

Missing/Motherhood

I miss Jude. I spent the entire day with him minus a 1.5 hour nap, but i miss him. So much that I've cried over it a couple times today. How can I miss someone I'm not apart from? Any other mother of more than one probably knows...

I miss Jude as my baby. He was my everything, my world, my heart and soul was directed as his utter contentment. And now, as hard as I try, I can not give him the love and time and attention I once did. At first it was all roses and he was adjusting well and I was adjusting well and we were all just perfect... and then I kind of got a reality check and just started missing him. I used to pick him up and he was just my baby. He didn't feel heavy or huge. Everything he said was to die for... cutest thing that has ever been said. Every move I made seemed to be for him. And now, I know it's a combination of this and also just him being two, but he is not only not my "baby" like he once was, but he has a mind of his own. It seems like a lot at once. He really is adjusting very well, but he is reacting to this change like any toddler would. He misses me. I miss him. He wonders why. I wish he wouldn't yell "AWAKE!" In Abraham's face and wake him up because I don't just want Abraham to sleep, I want to cuddle and spend time with just Jude so bad! I miss him! His vocabulary is sprouting like a dandelion on a hot and humid South Carolina day. He plays by himself all the time. He is learning everything and anything and calls me by my first name and loves nursery and I think I just got hit with the rude realization that he's growing up. He's getting bigger. He's maybe not my little baby anymore?! Okay, he still is. But WHAT HAPPENED? And in an instant it seems! He'd grow up with or without a little brother. But he is a big brother now and that just adds to it all.

"Jude insisted we wear hats..."

Motherhood is serious business, people. You just haven't the slightest idea what you're getting into when that first little baby is born. (Or the second.) We don't realize we are going to fall ever so deeply in love. And it will hurt sometimes. It is so hard because we love so much. And I don't think it gets easier. But it does get better. Because we grow more and love more with every day that goes by.

When Jude was born I remember feeling a sadness that he wouldn't be my newborn forever, but I quickly realized it really does just get better. I feel like I love him a million times more now than I did then. But I don't know, maybe it's just different. I don't feel that sadness with Abraham now because I have a greater perspective and know this great love I have for him will only grow. 

Here's to being grateful for and enjoying every stage. And moms, have you gone through this? Let's talk. I'd love to hear your experiences!

My Social Media journey (Why I deleted my Facebook)

A few weeks (months? I don't remember...) after Jude was born, I deleted my Facebook. I love social media and thrive off that interaction (and any social interaction, really). As I held this new baby in my arms, my priorities got really clear. I realized I didn't want to spend my precious, all-too-quickly-moving moments on Facebook the time sucker. I needed to spend my time with my dear little one and doing things to enrich our lives, which I felt Facebook did not. It was definitely not "best" of good, better, best and no matter how I would try to rationalize it, it was not enriching me and my family's life for good. I was pretty big into it, so I initially just deleted everyone but family and very close friends. This did not prove to be helpful. People became hurt when they realized I "unfriended" them, and I still spent more time than I wanted to on it. I made the decision to completely delete it, although it wasn't easy to make that final click, I knew it was for the best. I imagined myself trying to check it and then in a shock of depression realizing it was... gone. I was pleasantly surprised when I never missed it. Honestly, I never did!

Two years later, I've pretty much grown to despise it. Maybe like how when people quit smoking they learn to just loathe and avoid it at all costs? It's certainly not the Facebook it used to be. It was nice back in the good old days when it was only allowed with a college student email address and only status updates and pictures. That was it. Now it is a pandemonium of news videos, random pictures with useless print on them, and pictures of people you don't even know (but your friend's mom commented on it...). 

Anywho... I got a little off topic there. When my parents got me an iPad mini for my birthday a year ago, I took the jump and got Instagram. It's simple. No ads. Just pictures with a little caption blurb. It's pleasant and easy and doesn't throw me into sensory overload. Before long I started "following" random people/businesses and it was filling up with more "stuff." I was talking about social media with a friend and she recommended that I cut my friends down. Nice. Why I hadn't thought of that is beyond me. It's much better now. I don't spend nearly as much time in there because my "feed" is slow moving. But I still think I check it too much.

After the New Year I resolved to cut back on Instagram and decided to delete the whole app from Monday through Friday and then reinstall it for weekends only. I did it for one week and then never redeleted it, but that week was nice. Just easier. I didn't have to check it all the time. I was just able to focus more on my little family and what matters most.

After the New Year, I had several resolutions/goals written out, but with the baby's birth being so close, I could only focus on my one goal of having him naturally. Now that I was able to do that, I can focus on my other goals! It's nice to have my biggest goal accomplished and that positivity to push me forward.

If I check Instagram several times throughout the day for a couple minutes each time, that time really adds up. What else I could I do with that time? To be honest, it will be probably just be cleaning or the usual daily tasks, but maybe something more someday when life settles down a little bit? I'd like to spend any "spare" time I have learning and practicing new skills that will better myself/are more productive like sewing, crocheting, or blogging (my family journal).

So that's my little social media journey. (I spared you of my Myspace days.) Maybe you want to join me on my quest to use my time wisely and limit social media? I already have one friend (mentioned above) who is going to delete her Facebook for the same reasons I did! What ways have you found successful to limit your time on social media and spend your time doing good things? I find it more and more difficult to find that healthy balance when we all have instant access to everything anytime. I still don't have a smart phone, but just my iPad mini has really made it so much easier and faster to me to just "check something real quick." What ways have you found successful to limit your time on social media and spend your time doing good things? I would love to hear!

one month of abraham.

Our big little baby Abraham has been alive for one month... Mind. Blown. To think that it was one whole month ago that I was walking down our staircase in that big blue moo moo... pregnant (and soon not to be) is beyond my comprehension. And that he has been with us for one whole month?! In a way, it seems like forever that I've known that little face (maybe because he looks just like Jude did?!) and on the other hand I can't believe I have slept with him and nursed him and hugged him and kissed him thirty whole days in a row.

Picture of the month.

#1: Mommy. All he wants. All he needs.

The end.

I've said this before and I'm planning on saying it a million more times, but he is special. Special to me. And just special in his own right. He is the most calm, content little baby you've ever known. (Example: We had many errands to run this morning. So I strapped him into the car seat and off we went. We left at 8:50 and got home at 11:50 and he was sound asleep in that car seat the entire time. We then got home and I nursed him, gave him a bath, changed his diaper, nursed him again... and he has been asleep in his swing for another hour and a half and still going strong.) He has remarkable head support and a serious grip for a little one. He is smiling at us lovingly and it melts our hearts. His after-bath afro is a little too good. And he is quickly becoming his big brother's best little friend.

Being the mother to two has taught me so much already. It is absolutely beautiful. I have grown and learned to love and learned a lot about letting things go. It is refreshing beyond expression and only fitting that spring is upon us. I feel a rekindled love for life and my precious family and what really matters. I am literally brought to tears while playing with Jude at his "mountain" or watching my husband play with the boys as I contemplate my many blessings and wonder how my life has turned out so good.

We went to church as a family for the first time this week. It was a deep breath of fresh mountain air to be at church for the full three-hours and have my dearest three there with me. The boys even matched and the cuteness was a little out of control...

"The cough and cry"

Party!

I was cleaning the bathroom with a baby strapped to my chest and another one "helping." I told Jude when Daddy gets home the "party" begins.

"Pah-e! Pah-e!"

I was playing some primary songs for Jude and literally as "Daddy's Homecoming" came on, the door opened and Daddy walked in! I sang to him as Jude performed the actions with the "great big kiss" grand finale. It was a really tender moment. Jude kept repeating "Pah-e!" To Daddy. And the party died begin.new spent the whole day deep cleaning, purging, and organizing. And goodness, did it feel good! I felt old because I was literally having the time of my life. Preventing came and we had a delicious dinner with Tim and Nikki and then played games and had Mint Cookies and Cream Bluebell ice cream! What a glorious day. And now Dan has Spring break all week! I am too over the moon. And back...

Jude is so adorable and hilarious these days. His vocabulary is growing so much every day. It is amazing how quickly he catches on to things. When Mimi asks him, "How much does Mimi love you?" He says... "Moon. Back." Now when Dan asks him he says... "Stars. Back." He calls his belly button his "bunt-in." I made him a Popsicle yesterday and he said "popaiciscle." Or something funny. He finally figured it out and it was "pa-ka-sul." I love him. 

He takes his medicine with easy every morning. He finally doesn't mind standing in the scale to weigh him everyday. He's getting better at tolerating tooth brushing. In the last month he has made amazing strides in playing by himself. It is such a blessing. He loves all his toys and actually plays with them by himself! He uses his imagination and turns anything tall into a "crane." He turned his broken happy hopper into a "tractor." He is so creative. He loves to give kisses and hugs. He loves standing by the window on the stairs and watching the "dump... truck" and every other truck that drives by. He is gentle and funny with Abraham. He never gets jealous. It amazes me. He wants to hold him once a few days. He points and squints when he moves or makes a noise and says "moves!" "noise!" "awake!" "eyes!" 

His favorite songs are Popcorn Popping, I Love to See the Temple, Daddy's Homecoming, and Give Said the Little Stream. Lately as we are laying by each other for bed he will say "tummy" and he wants to lay on me. It's usually when Abraham is in the ErgoBaby so they both squeeze on my tummy and Jude usually squishes Abraham until he starts crying... then we resituate! 

He doesn't care about food much. 95% of the time when I ask him if he's hungry or what he wants to eat, he says "No. Fine." He likes chicken, sausage (sometimes), and some fruit. He doesn't eat much but he's doing pretty well drinking his "milk."