Tuesday, July 20, 2010

life is lucious.

i did once have a patient named "lucious."

okay, i'm trying soo hard to not violate HIPAA here... but there are some things i just MUST share. if you feel that i am violated HIPAA in any way... please notify me so i can quickly delete &not be terminated.

quick overview of a couple of my patients:

1. dx: psychosis
catatonia
[&more medical things that are unrelated at this time]

2. dx: psychosis
dementia

did i accidently get a job at a mental health facility and not notice? our hospital is connected [literally, through swinging doors] to a mental health facility. that means when they get medically unstable or anything they decide they don't wan to handle anymore, they send them on over to us.

that means my sweet little job is to change the bed [the entire bed: fitted sheet, draw sheet, green pads, blue pads, diaper, gown, sheet, blanket, abdominal binder] of a 6'2, 200 lb man [#2] who has so sweetly requested orange juice and then decided to stick his thumb through the styrofoam cup so his bed could enjoy the orange juice too... while he is IN the bed? did i mention his arms and feet are tied to the bed and his hands are in mittens? did i mention he is hooked up to an IV and also has a very easily fiddled with tube coming out of his stomach? did i mention he thrashes uncontrollably and grabs at us and yells out things like "sexual harassment!" [while i am so calming trying to check his blood sugar] or "hookers! chinese hookers! black hookers! ugly hookers!" or "one zillion, one zillion, one zillion" [repeated approxiamately one zillion time] or "bomb! bomb! atomic bomb! you gotta get out! there's gonna be a bomb!" [that one was his particular favorite].

my job indeed. stressful. fulfilling.

let me be the first to say i earn my money.

:]