My past pregnancies were easy as pie. Never nauseated, no swelling. No complications. I was going to the temple at 40 weeks pregnant with Abraham and worked nights until 39+ weeks with Jude! I was immediately exhausted this time around. It was weird but I figured it was just because I was taking care of two other children. Although I've thankfully never really been nauseous in any pregnancy, this time around I would randomly dry heave and gag all the time. I started showing earlier and have gained more weight. (A solid 50 lbs at 36 weeks)
My second trimester I might have had a little more energy (I recollect leaving the house with the kids!) but I was limited because I was already so big. I felt like I jumped straight to the awkwardness of the third trimester without the "break" of the second. Third trimester has been enough to make me never want to be pregnant again! I am have an extremely large belly that constantly bonks things and my kids in the face, I am ridiculously exhausted (1-2 naps EVERY day or I completely loose it), complete emotional instability and irritability (Sorry Dan and kids). I hardly do ANYTHING. If Dan is gone all Day it's all I can do keep the kids fed and MAYBE unload the dishwasher. If he's home I might write two thank you cards while he does everything else. It's starting to get frustrating just because I feel so helpless and nonproductive. There is a lot I want to do but I either don't have the energy for it or am physically unable. Very few articles of clothing fit. You will usually find me in my blue moo-moo.
I have completely lost control of my emotions. I cry usually at least once a day for whatever reason. Last week I broke into full on sobs because Dan used my ice tray to make homemade ice cream. I have taken over our queen-size bed for two months now. Dan sleeps on the aero bed next to mine. It is completely exhausting and emotionally overwhelming for me to run one errand, even by myself. I can't take the kids anywhere. I am tired of all the comments about my size and people asking me if I'm having twins. (I mean, I know I am but it's just the principal of not asking a pregnant woman that). Then they say something like "I figured."
When my mom was here she gave me some alone time to run a couple errands by myself before my doctors appointment. I have since learned this is too much for me. So I ran a couple errands then was trying to get to a store across the access road by the Northstar mall (SUPER confusing area right there). I ended up confused about if I was in the turn lane or not and then i turned left on a green YIELD and the cars going straight were just starting to go. So right as I was turning left, the cars were starting and before I knew it I was SLAMMING on my breaks and there was a large SUV in front of me and I didn't remember a crash but we were so close I was sure we hit. Turns out he was an undercover cop with a stone cold heart. I was sobbing and apologizing and he checked and agreed we did NOT hit, but he had me pull over, wait for about 20 minutes (while some homeless man tried to comfort me) and then came up and told me I would be getting a ticket. He also was worried about the baby and wanted to make sure I was okay. Anyways, that shook me up a little bit. Let's just say I never made it to Goodwill! I did make it to my doctors appointment.
The Saturday night prior Dan sprained his ankle playing basketball with Justin so that was a bummer as all the responsibilities were mine. (I MIGHT have been a little bitter about it on Mothers Day...) luckily my mom was all scheduled to come out that next day on Monday! That was such a blessing!
So the day before my ticket I was getting a non-stress test and mentioned to the NP I had really bad itching. She asked if it was worse in my hands and feet and i enthusiastically told her it was! It was OUT OF CONTROL itching!! Horrible. She told me I probably had cholestasis and they would draw my labs, start me on Ursodial, and induce me at 37 weeks. So that was a lot to take in. My labs confirmed that I did have it but luckily the medicine helped so much and within a week I could tell a big difference in the itching.
I was so grateful my mom was there that week. I don't know what I would have done! I have since been able to talk to Dr Gordon, my perinatologist, and he says the actual risk of stillborn from cholestasis is 1%. My babies are as picture-perfect healthy as can be and growing like weeds! He did not seem very concerned so that brought me a lot of comfort. I have appointments with both my doctors his week so I will be able to talk to them and there is a possibility we may not need to induce them right at 37 weeks, but maybe a few days later.
Baby A has been head down for over a month and I am so grateful! Baby B is a wild one and has gone from head down to breech to transverse all in a few weeks! I'm not counting on him going head down but my doctor is very experienced in vaginal breech births, twin births, and delivery breech twins vaginally! She is awesome and I trust her. She will also have another very experienced doctor there to assist her to help me get both babies here and avoid a C-section so I'm feeling good about that! People will ask me, "so do you have your C-section scheduled?" I don't understand that question. Our babies are made to give birth to the children we conceive. I always tell them that if I can give birth to a ten pound baby I sure can give birth to two smaller ones!
One good thing that has come from my extreme fatigue and all but self-proclaimed bed rest is that the boys have become much more independent and self-sufficient. I tried to I'm encourage that before but now I'm doing it out of necessity. They now clean up after themselves after every meal (put away extra food, dishes in the sink, water bottles in the fridge, wash their hands, etc) and have gotten great at just following orders the first time, helping out, and getting things for me, etc. Jude can finally strap himself into his own car seat 100%! I think this is a great natural transition into me not being able to spend as much time with them, go out as much, and be as involved. They've gotten much better at playing together and working out their own issues without coming to me. I was exhausted this morning after staying up late last night. The kids got up at 7:30 with Dan, Dan left at 8:30 for clinic, and they let me sleep until 9:30!!! Then Abraham came up, "mommy, have some breakfast?" and he pulled me out of bed. I was so grateful! Their expectations have definitely gone down and I think that's a good thing right now! You're welcome, future wives.
Update:
They are both head down and induction date is scheduled for Friday, June 17th! I feel very peaceful about this. It was originally Tuesday but I was able to get it pushed back until Friday. I know it's only a few days, but I am not a fan of inductions and very much believe in letting the baby, or babies, come when they're ready, not at the doctor or mother's convenience. I am grateful just to have even three more days to let them grow inside the way Mother Nature intended! I'm 3 cm as of last Friday so I feel better knowing they are least preparing to come. Thanks to that fact, I won't have to go in the night before and receive Cervidil.
It works out 100x better for my mom too. She was able to switch her flight to Wednesday and now she can get all her flooring/house situation all situated before leaving my dad alone for a few weeks!
After yesterday, I feel so much more peaceful and at ease. I know I need to get induced and understand that with my cholestasis and having twins, the benefits of induction outweigh the risks. According to the ultrasound at 34 weeks, Baby A measured 5 lb 9 oz and Baby B measured 6 lb 5 oz! So I know they will be healthy weights and they hopefully won't be little miniature NICU-bound babies!
Update (6/16/16): Mimi got into town yesterday! It's such a relief to have her here and I am so grateful to her and Dad for their sacrifices for her to be able to come out for so long and help us.
I am finally feeling emotionally and mentally ready to have the babies. My dear friend, Brittany Heywood, came over a couple days ago and we were able to have a great talk. There really is something about drawing strength from other women. She is so special to me and I hold her words dear to my heart.
When we were waiting for Abraham to come, I turned a lot to my ancestors to gain strength from their faith and trials. I had been wanting to watch the movie, Ephraim's Rescue, before I had Abraham to give me a final push of strength since one of my direct ancestors, Elizabeth Simpson Bradshaw, is featured in that movie. I was 41 weeks and 4 days and still hadn't gotten around to watching it. That night we watched it and that night mild twinges (I can't even call them contractions because they were so mild) began! Abraham was born at 10:30 the next morning!
I wanted to watch that movie again so Jude and I watched yesterday while Abraham was sleeping. I was also able to get a blessing from Dan last night and it confirmed to me how much Heavenly Father knows me. I was blessed with the sweetest blessings and heard just what I needed to hear. I am so grateful for a husband worthy to call upon his priesthood and give a powerful blessing at any time. I am so grateful for those powerful words I received and I know I will read them over and over again to find strength as I continue through motherhood. I am so grateful for the peace I feel as I soon will be having one of the most special experiences of my entire life. What an unfathomable blessing Heavenly Father bestows upon his daughters, allowing them to bear children and bring them into this world. I feel privileged to ever be counted among the strong women that my ancestors were and pray that I can raise my children in faith and hard work as they did.
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