i feel so blessed and watched over. it's overwhelming. i do feel like i'm on the brink of tears all the time. sometimes they are overwhelmed just emotional kind of sad tears, sometimes they are i'm so blessed and thankful and overwhelmed with God's love tears.
we are so, so, so blessed. we are safe in God's hands. i can't think of a better or more safe place to be. but it's still hard sometimes. it's hard to not be able to escape the destruction and sadness and talk. sometimes it's just too heavy. i want to drive down the street and not be reminded of it with every glance. i want to come home and not have to smell the 'tornado smell' in everything we own. i want to remember, but sometimes i just want to forget. sometimes i have flashbacks and i just feel helpless. i wonder about so many things.
me and dan had a movie night tonight. i've never needed a movie night so bad! we had the sole intent of relaxing. we bought ourselves a carton of raspberry sherbet, a carton of caramel cup sundae ice cream, and two frozen pizzas. we came home and tried to clear out the living room as much as we could to have a place to sit and put our feet up and feel a little organized and clean. (thanks to dan for all his hard work all day long!!) we snuggled up and watched enchanted! it was perfect. i forgot about everything. :) we tried to enjoy every minute before i was off again to work. ughhhh! we had a good two hours.
right before the evil witch narissa stole the handsome robert... the phone rang... if the phone rings between 8:30 - 9:45 pm it is one of two things. #1- my parents, #2- my nursing supervisor putting me on call!!! my heart skipped at least two beats as i trembled for the phone. my eyes gazed up the shining screen and i saw 205-333.... it. was. happening. i started gently hitting dan to turn off the movie as i answered. one of my nursing supervisors called "i knew you would probably be tired and could use a night off, i'd like to give you low census on call..." tender mercy.
it probably wasn't even my turn. but she knew what's been going on and wanted to help. i could hear the concern in her voice. she told me about the post tornado help the hospital was sponsoring and how i could get nursing scrubs and shoes for free.
it's little things like this that help me feel God's love for me... the littlest things that are so apparent to me now. it's tearing up at the end of enchanted as i was holding my one true love, knowing i got to be with him all night and feeling so grateful. it's the tide loads of hope doing two loads of our laundry for us for free- wash, dried, and folded, just to help. it's taking a nice warm bubbly bath in our jacuzzi tub in our new apartment, just smiling and giggling and being happy. it's friends who are now family. it's feeling genuinely cared for by people i don't even know.
i am working out writing out "my story." i just want to write it down and get it out. that way i know i have it but i don't have to hold onto it inside to remember.
i love you. i love my life. i am soo blessed. thank you for loving us!