Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Fleeting chubby faces

Dan showed me a 18 second video clip yesterday from his phone that I had never seen. It was Jude at 2 and his favorite color was "mama" and my heart was breaking. Life is so surreal. Jude was my ENTIRE world then, yet I don't readily remember details about the things he would say, how his voice sounded, how he looked when he walked, or his favorite things to do. At the time, I'm sure I felt like he'd be two forever and I couldn't imagine ever forgetting all those things I experienced every day. But I have. Sometimes I'll look back on Abraham's entire first year and wonder what we did, what his firsts were, of how his little boy looked as he crawled. All I seem to be able to see is he moment I'm in right now. Sometimes I anticipate future stages or mourn over the loss of past stages. But how can I embrace and find joy in right now? (which will surely help me to remember it more)

Sometimes my boys will say or do something so heart-breakingly cute, but I'm in a hurry to do whatever "needs" to be done and I don't stop to write it down. I think, "oh, I'll remember it and write it down later." Or I'm just used to their cuteness I take it for granted! 



Right now I am vowing to prioritize journaling and writing down the things they say and do as one of my top. Before I know it they will be reading chapter books in their room and I will wonder where my needy babies went. I want to have plenty of pictures, videos, and written memories so I will never forget. (Organizing them is a whole new problem I have not yet confronted!) I do enjoy the simplicity of Instagram and Chatbook, but I also don't like feeling constrained to their rules and I don't like feeling like I'm journaling TO other people (as opposed to simply writing for myself or for posterity's sake.) Anyway, here are a few things I never want to forget. (Along with a few unrelated pictures!)


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December 31, 2014: "I went to the store. I saw a big huge Easter bunny. I really liked it. I was two years old. It was in Texas it was a long, long time ago." (Randomly remembered from 8 months previous and we hadn't talked about it since!)


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April 2015 - "My heartbeat is telling me that wasn't very nice."

"Those fruit flies are heart-attacking those oranges."


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Jude went to primary in Las Vegas (August 2015). It was his first time going to a different primary and I was so proud of how mature and independent and unafraid he was. The teacher also informed me that he was very reverent and "perfect!" On the way home, I asked how church was. He replied that it was good. He then said, "there were some girls at church..." I replied, "Oh? What were the girls like?" Then for the first time of his life he did a embarrassed sounding exhale giggle and said, "they were really pretty." When probed further he said, " I were a couple seats away from them. I saw some big girls." I asked him about it a couple more times and each time he did the embarrassed, bashful exhale giggle and would tell me they were pretty! I was dying! This natural attraction for girls is just that, natural, and it makes me a little nervous!


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All the following are from Summer 2015 (age 3 1/2)-

Jude: What would happen if Heavenly Father did something wrong?
Dan: Heavenly Father can't.
J: What if he did?
D: Then would cease to be Heavenly Father.
J: Who would he be then?
D: He would just be a normal person.
J: And then we'd have to take him to the chief judge?


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We saw a food truck on the side of the river while floating down the Comal River. Jude saw it and asked, "Is that the mobile library?"


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(I was at work and this is Dan telling me about what they did while I was gone!)

"We had Family Home Evening and our lesson was on being fishers of men and how Jesus told his disciples to teach the Gospel. So we got fishing line and braided them into bracelets and put them on the boys. Jude cut his own pieces and was so excited when we were making his. He said "I'm never taking mine off. I'm going to show it to all the animals when we have a farm. I'm gonna wear it when I'm a Daddy. I'm going to wear it all the way up to heaven." 
Abraham loved his too. Before bed I said "Abraham let's take yours off" and he just kept yelling "no!" and was pulling his hand away. So they're both still wearing theirs!"


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Judes prayer this morning: (age 3) 

"Heavenly Father please bless daddy and mommy and Abraham and jude. We went to the temple and saw where you used to live. Please bless Mimi and papa and tubby and Mimi and papa and Abraham Lincoln and Steve Irwin and tubby. When are my brother and sister going to come down from heaven?"


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"Some people don't have any God. You know what I'd do? I'd give them some of my God. Because I'm filled with God. I have tons of God in me!"


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Jude: "Does gas make cars go?"
Rachael: "Yes."
Jude: "Do toots make cars go?"
Rachael: "No..."
Jude: "Why? It's gas."


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I was putting Jude to bed in his crib and as I was turning around to leave, Jude said in his tiny little voice:

"Mommy, I just love you and I would really love it if you sat with me for a little while."

So I sat outside of his crib and just touched his little face and sang to him. There are no words to describe those moments!


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"I just want want to move on out of this hot world. I'm ready for fall."


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Jude's prayer this morning:

"Please bless us that we won't die before we get to move to the woods!"