Hello world!

I took an unintentional break from blogging, but here I am and there's a lot to catch up on! I'm so glad I documented my thoughts throughout my journey of letting go. What a beautiful time of life and literal gift from God! I didn't know it at the time, but my journey of letting go was preparing me for something I hver could have imagined... finding out were having twins! I know Heavenly Father in his infinite wisdom helped me to learn to just let go and simplify my life in so many ways and LOVE more and move forward in my life because he knew I would need it through this next phase of life. I was a LITTLE uptight/high-strung/hard on Dan and myself (and undoubetdly my children!). I wasn't embracing life and just content with the happiness of every day. Can you imagine the stress case and frazzled woman I would have been adding twins to that woman's life?! Heaven help me! And I am so grateful heaven did! I still feel far from "ready" to have twins and I know I won't necessarily ever feel "ready," but I'm grateful I've taken time focusing on MYSELF and my relationship with Dan and my own happiness. I'm afraid I would have just crumbled! I know my journey of letting go is just beginning and I love that. The more I let go, the more beauty and joy I can let in. I have literally seen myself and my life and my marriage TRANSFORM. Not because my life changed or Dan changed, but because I changed. What beautiful lives we live. We are constantly growing and changing and although it can be a little uncomfortable and difficult, we come out more polished and full of joy IF WE LET OURSELVES. There is so much I want to do and learn and become and obtain. We live in a world of limitless possibilities and opportunities for growth and happiness. I want to seek that learning and growth and be my best self and create the best life I can for my family.

Dan finished part one of his boards yesterday! (It's the most difficult part.) And although we won't know if he passed for two months, we have peace and confidence in our future. He worked SO hard studying diligently and preparing for this test. He studied long hours but even through it all he never lost that balance. He still made time for us, studying at home so he could see us for his breaks, changing dirty diapers for me during those breaks, coming out to help out the kids to bed, coming home to dinner NEVER being made and never complaining about it but just dutifully making it himself. He, once again, proved his love and devotion to his family through his actions day in and day out. I am FOREVER grateful for a husband who is dedicated to his family and working hard to provide for us and provide for our future.

I will write the story of finding out about the twins next! It has been an emotional, overwhelming, and exciting journey letting that sink in! I am now 24 weeks pregnant, look like I'm 9 months pregnant, and am so grateful they are both as healthy as can be! We are being blessed with two more little boys and couldn't be more excited about it! It's the perfect little family for life on the farm! (Which we currently definitely don't have but are working to have it soon!) I am over-the-moon elated that Dan is done with his big test and can spend more time with us and help more! Let the nesting begin...

Thanksgiving Day!

13 weeks

15 weeks

16 weeks

20 weeks

Dan after he finished his BOARDS!!!!!!! Best husband ever! 

mother

Although I am tired by the end of the day, putting Jude to bed is the most precious time. I used to wonder and worry how I would put Jude to bed once we stopped nursing, but it is truly more a joy now than ever. After his bath, we giddily climb into his magical little tee-pee (which he lovingly refers to as his "house") and change his diaper, lather up in lotion, and put on his pajamas. He then lays on my arm and he makes sure his little head is lying on the yellow pillow I made him just for his tee-pee. We then nestle in and read a story or two. Lately, we must read the hit we recently rented from the library "Dig!" (Zimmerman/Clemesha). We both have it all but memorized. (One night I read it to Jude and then he made me read it again to the baby.) We then read a verse or two out of Moses and say prayers. Daddy usually joins us at least for prayers and then brushes Jude's teeth for me. (It's gotten a little hard for me to get up and down and do the toothbrush battle.) We then turn out all the lights and lay together in the dark and I sing him a few church songs. No matter what I sing, he usually before long pipes in with, "POP! POP!" and continues until I sing him "Popcorn Popping." He makes sure that I'm using my "hands! hands!" even though it's dark and he can't see them, he wants to be sure I'm doing the actions. He then usually says "temple! temple!" and wants me to sing "I Love to See the Temple." He is the most precious, tender little heart. After a few songs I will ask him, "Jude, are you ready to get in bed?" and he'll usually respond with, "house..." or "mama..." (meaning he wants to stay in his house). If he's tired he'll say "seep, seep" or "bed."

Tonight, I asked him if he was ready for bed and he said "house..." He then started to get up and I wondered where he was off to. I was laying on my side and he came over and laid right on top of me, with one hand along my back and the other resting on my neck and face. 

After a minute he quietly whispered, "Happy."

"Jude, are you happy?"

"Yeah... happy."

"What makes you happy, loved one?"

(You can hear his voice rise as he gets a big smile on his face...) "Mommmmy."

"What else makes you happy baby?"

"Daddy..."

Words can not express the feelings I had at that moment or now. I feel so incredibly humbled to be the mother to this precious, tender little spirit. I refer to him as my "angel from heaven" many times each day and I truly believe it. I can not even begin to adequately express the gratitude I feel to be so blessed to be his mother and to have a faithful husband by my side. 

There is no calling I honor more than that of "mother."

30 week bump.

We don't cut corners on kisses around here.

a fall of settling.

Settling in more than settling. 

Our lives were getting more in place. 

Our apartment becoming more our home.

A city becoming more our own. 

And a baby-full tummy growing more and more.

Jude picked his outfit out this day. ;) ALWAYS the shirt... ALWAYS the boots!

Jude's first, LONG-AWAITED appointment with his GI specialist, Dr. Catherine Brigman. Oh, it was nice to take a step forward and get Jude's EGD scheduled.

Back in the days of puffed millet cereal &hemp milk

I made my mom "Almond Joy" cake pops for her birthday... :)

A beautiful date with a lovely date. {free} Dinner at Red Robin followed by a few fancy, funny games at Dave N Busters. Gotta love babysitting swaps!

This face... have mercy.

Seriously... that little bum... I can't take it.

He managed to get into the sink and have a little splash party. A curious toddler + a little pre-dinner desperation.

it's a boy!

Old news... I know. But I am doing some serious blog catching-up right now. Because once this little boy makes his welcome into the world, I get the feeling I'm going to have plenty to blog about. Let the catching up begin!

We were soo excited to find out about our baby. I originally wanted to wait, but this time of our lives was so stressful, there was enough uncertainty already. Dan wasn't waiting and I wasn't about to have him know and me not know! So I gave in and I'm glad I did! When we found out we were having a boy, I was really relieved and happy and it took a lot of stress off not having to worry about much. I already know all about boys! And I like them! :) Dan wanted a boy bad. Like, really bad. He just dreams of going on adventures with his boys. He missed not having a brother growing up so I think this is just fun for him to have his boys now. :)

Jude really does this naturally when he rides around on Dan's shoulders. It's the funniest.

FISH TANK!

Such a sweet, little guy.

You know how when they do the ultrasound they check every part of the body before they tell you the big news?! Well, I must be an ultrasound-reading expert by now because I saw the boy parts within the first couple minutes of the ultrasound and GASPED and looked around and no one else noticed/said anything. So I just hoped I wasn't wrong about my discovery and kept watching. The ultrasound tech kept saying "he" and then "she" and then "he" and then "she." She was a tease. So when she finally did the big reveal I was really happy and relieved that my previous conclusion was correct! We love our little boy and since we know we will have more children, we just thought it would be perfect to have another boy so they could be brothers and hopefully... best of friends!! (Mom fantasy: my little boys being best friends and playing together happily for hours in the backyard)

I should probably hashtag this as #awkwardpregnancyphotos -- I'm not sure what I was doing. Sometimes you just can't not be awkward and you know you are being awkward and you just don't mind.