Good news!!!

I am pleased and grateful and excited to announce good news for my boy!! Everything went smoothly the day of the EGD and couldn't have gone better. The give him a little oral Versed beforehand and then they let me go with them into the procedure room until the mask goes on him (with the medication that puts him to sleep), so he doesn't even remember me leaving him. I'm so grateful they let me stay with him so long. Other places have not been nearly this liberal! He did great up to the EGD. He couldn't eat anything and the EGD wasn't until after 10:00 but he did a great job and was very patient! 

I waited in the waiting room and Dr Brigman came out to tell me the results. I had my legs propped up and I nearly jumped out of my seat when I saw her! This is what she said:

the esophagus looks great. There were NO signs of an Eosinophilic reaction (which is what happens if he eats foods he's allergic to). In the past it has been EXTREMELY evident and undeniable through text books signs of EoE. She can't technically tell me all the foods he's eating are 100% safe until we get the results of the biopsy back, but he chances of the biopsy showing anhinga are extremely small with such a great looking scope. This HUGE!!! He has been medication-free for almost a year so this really was the TRUE test as to whether these foods were safe or not. So all the foods he is eating now are safe for him. What an AMAZING list to have in our favor. Some people who have EoE have a list of only a few foods they can eat, or they are on steroids long term. Jude is on no mess and can eat

Chicken

Turkey

Pork

Fruits

Vegetables

Olive oil

Salt, pepper, sugar

Honey

Coconut

Cod (he takes cod liver oil so I'm assuming cod is okay!)

(And his other vitamins to get technical) - probiotic, digestive enzymes, cumin/turmeric

This is the biggest stride we have made. We are so incredibly grateful and humbled. EoE is a relatively new disease due to the rise in allergies and autoimmune disorders so thre really is no "right" way to treat this. In many ways we have just had to be prayerful and pave our own way. I have felt undeniably guided in all this. I'm so thankful for the path that we've taken and that we were able to avoid the elemental diet and so many other distressing paths of EoE. As long as Jude is avoiding the offending foods, he is essentially perfect and as normal and healthy as any other child (I might even say more due to his incredibly healthy and nourishing diet!)

There were a couple hiccups in the EGD findings. There were some reddened, thickened areas in his stomach that indicate a high acid production/delayed gastric emptying. There was also a small bit of bile somewhere there shouldn't be. From what I gathered, these are relatively small issues. I am going to find a natural acid-reduced to avoid Nexium, etc and see how that helps. I need to figure out what the other things mean. Im not really sure yet. But they are minor issues and I know we can get them taken care of. Dr Brigman was mildly concerned because he is asymptomatic so that shows its not that bad.

I'm planning on introducing quite a few more foods over the next year or so and just watching him very closely for any signs of a reaction. If we are slow and conservative and smart (refer to allergy testing done in the past) then I feel like we will be able to tell if something we introduce bothers him. And I will wait a minimum of three weeks in between introductions.

We have to wait until we get the biopsy results back and then we will decide what foods we want to introduce next. Then we will have allergy (prick) testing done later this month and then we will move forward! Jude is so funny. As he's heard me talking about this he'll say, "Mommy, I don't need any new foods. All the foods I'm eating are fine." I think we just doesn't like all this attention on him especially since he doesn't really understand all that is going on and what the process entails.

Thank you all for your concern, love, prayers, and support. If any of you are struggling with allergies/Eosinophilic Esophagitis and would like to talk, just comment and I would love to help in any way I can!

Baloo helped him get through the waiting period!

George was with him every step, even during the EGD! 

A little groggy after the EGD, but he did great and loved the homemade Popsicles we brought for him to have afterwards!

Eosinophilic something something.

It's time for another EoE (Eosinophilic Esophagitis) pos! You think I would write these more often but I don't, and then the night before his EGD I'm like, oh I need to update everyone (and myself) before things change again! So here is my latest post from last October...

http://rachaelmulder.blogspot.com/2014/10/big-eoe-update.html

We were going to have an EGD last October but we ended up putting it off. Then we were going to have it in April, but we had to put it off because he kept getting "croup," or more accurately exacerbations of his reactive airway disease. (Or whatever. Boring details.) 

We can't do an EGD if he's had any type of illness or virus or cough or ANYTHING or it will be 100 times worse after the EGD because of him being under general anesthesia. So we had to wait until he was "all better" for a while. So here we are. He's been taking these cumin/turmeric pills that decrease inflammation and who knows, maybe it's a fluke but he hasn't gotten sick or had any respiratory issues since we started him on those. 

Since my last update in October, besides the recurrent "croup," he has been really rockin. We have introduced pork and coconut which have been HUGE life-changing additions. We are so grateful he has done well with these new foods. He is still completely off all medications. He takes a Kalire probiotic, digestive enzymes, the cumin/turmeric pill, and Green Pastures fermented cod liver oil every day. I make him homemade juice every other day and that keeps him from being constipated (The Miralax and Milk of Magnesia never helped.) He is gaining weight (which he was NOT when he was on the Neocate formula and prescription medications). He is climbing up the charts for height and weight. He has normal bowel movements every day (you do NOT know what an achievement this is!). He never throws up. He rarely complains of a tummy ache but nothing beyond how any other child would. He occasionally has an itchy throat (was mostly in the Spring so was probably mostly pollen/seasonal allergies). He wheezes occasionally but I think that's related more to respiratory inflammation than an allergic reaction. He eats an incredible diet and has an awesome appetite. He eats very well. Lots of meat, vegetables, fruit is an after-meal treat. And now homemade coconut milk. He is thriving better than I ever could have dreamed. And Abraham is certainly being blessed by all this. We all are. We have learned so much. Jude is obedient, confident, tender-hearted, loving, faithful, protective, brave, and imaginative. I adore this little boy more than I could ever say. I'm humbled to be his better and grateful to be the one to work hard for his success. I wouldn't want it to be anyone but me by his side every day. I'm so incredibly lucky to have him.

I feel peaceful about tomorrow and although I'm bummed Dan won't be there, I'm ready to do this and move forward. I pray the doctors and nurses will be on their A-game for my boy and that when Dr Brigman walks out to the waiting room to greet me, she will have a smile on her face.

(Abraham will randomly go up to Jude and say "hi" and then open his arms up for a hug.) UMMM!!!! 💔💔💔

Sun kissed.

There are few things as magical as a baby fresh out of bath. Maybe when you spend the whole morning swimming and running and playing and that feeling of warmth from the sun is lingering on your skin. Dan bathed Abraham and then took Jude downstairs with him to "help him with his pooter" so I could have alone time with Abraham. My little boy and I nestled in our usual place, on Daddy's side of the bed. He was so tired from a busy morning and I know it felt heavenly to him, too, in our comfy soft pajamas all cuddled up in the soft down comforter with the cool breeze of our plastic stand-up fan nearby. A little smile emerged on his face as I gently scratched his back and head. He giggled softly and I smiled back. The love and understanding between us was tangible as we looked at each other, not having to say a word. I kept gently scratching his back and running my fingers through his white blonde hair as his little eyelids were closing, but he was still smiling at me as he drifted off. I gently laid him down in his bed and he promptly turned over onto his tummy with his little bottom in the air. I put his newly acquired "Barky" by his side and covered him with our crocheted baby blue blanket. I imagine he'll have sweet dreams today. And I can daydream about the smiling little boy in my arms for years to come!

ABRAHAM @ 15 months

This little boy has the best little personality. He is witty, determined, mischievous, loving, and strong. He has the most heart-melting little smile. He'll look at me (or anybody) with that smile and my heart is his! He is very smart. He says mom, dad, dog, doggy, ball, Tubby, bubble, double, NO, hi, and thank you! He very much has his own opinion about everything. He is also very tough and picks himself back up when he falls, and when he cries he gets over it within seconds and usually all on his own. He is very independent and also very coordinated. Since he was probably about 9 months old he intuitively turns around and scoots backwards when he's getting off a bed, crawling down stairs, going down a curb (even if it's a one-inch curb), or going down the slope of a driveway. He has been walking pretty well since about 13 months old and now he is getting more confident and will walk down driveways normally. He is still reluctant about stairs, thank goodness! In all reality he is very coordinated and has good balance and I think a lot of it is because I have tried to be very hands-off with him and let him tumble and fall so he has learned how to be careful. I was very much a "helicopter mom" with Jude and it's been interesting to see how different their personalities and development is. It's hard to know how much of it is "nature" and how much is "nurture." Anyways, Abraham is seriously such a special little boy. He has so much personality. He loves his mama and daddy so much. He loves to play with Dan. Dan will lay down on the ground and Abraham will come over and and climb on him and bounce on him and give him strawberries (raspberries, I don't know why we call them strawberries). But he always wants to be around his mama. He still nurses a few times a day and when I ask, "do you want to nurse?" he throws down whatever he was playing with and runs over to me with a big smile on his face. He is a great eater. He eats pretty much anything and everything! He eats exactly the same as Jude except I also give him raw milk, homemade yogurt made from raw milk, Kerrygold butter, eggs, and occasionally some other organic meat if we are eating it. He has never eaten any grains or processed foods and he is as healthy as a horse! It is so nice because he has never tasted those artificially sweet and processed foods so to him, berries, bananas, and nectarines or peaches are the biggest treat! 

He loves running around and playing outside. We are visiting my parents right now and he loves to play around the pool. He will grab something walk over the pool and throw it in and then look back at us as his mischievous little smile. Then he will get down on his tummy and reach her and try to grab it out. We put the little puddle jumper life jacket on him and although it's too big for him he fearlessly jumps off the stop in right into the deep part of the pool and actually does a pretty good job swimming around! When he doesn't have his life jacket on he very cautiously walks through the water on the shallow step and splash with the biggest smile on his face. 

 

He gives the absolute BEST kisses! He gives them when you ask but maybe only once every 20 times you ask! He has to be in the kiss-giving mood. If he does, it makes it that much better! He will turn you with his open mouth and go "mmmmm.....muah!!" If I give him a kiss and just keep saying, "mmmm....." He will just wait and wait until I say "muah!!" 

He and Jude love each other and I can definitely see that bond forming, but they also have their fair share of tiffs. They are (constantly) hitting and pushing each other, taking toys from each other, and somehow always seem to find a way to offend the other. Abraham is still a little too young to understand how Jude plays so they still have trouble playing together really well. They certainly have their precious moments where they play and laugh and hug and share and those are PRICELESS!!

We love our little boy so much. He is the perfect addition to our family and I can not imagine life without him!! 

Letting go & LIVING

It all started with an exhausted, worn-out, frustrated, running on a hamster wheel mama. (Me) She took it out on her innocent spouse, broke down, talked, talked, and talked some more, and ended up with a vision. A dream of how things could be. And should be. Which led to a new start and an Instagram post that means so much more than just an Instagram post...

"I had a life-changing, eye-opening experience yesterday and I have realized so much about myself and how I approach life and do the things I do. Motherhood has truly changed me and I've spiraled into a mindset of too much worry and not enough carefree laughter and living. I am moving forward with a new breath of life. I am giving myself permission to take it easy and not be so ridiculously hard on myself. I am taking time to pursue my own hobbies (hobbies?!). I am learning to play the harmonica. I am learning how to refinish furniture and work with wood. I am going to go to the park more and walk and run and have picnics. I am going to spend money occasionally to go to the museum or do other activities with the kids (over-frugality issues). I am going to take my vitamins every day and prioritize healthy eating for MYSELF. I am going to wear my hot pink lipstick and floral rompers with confidence. I am going to stop using Jude's allergies as a crutch to live less. I am going to advocate for my own happiness and well-being. In doing so I will move closer to the mother and wife I want to be (which has been all I've wanted all along) and my most cherished ones will undoubtedly benefit as much as I will. I will no longer waste one SINGLE moment looking down at my phone viewing other people's lives when I should be living MY OWN. I've realized although Instagram may bring a smile to face, it is not enriching my life as much as my life would be enlivened by simply LIVING it. I am going to delete my Instagram for two months and then reassess. I am going to just ENJOY my day at the museum or the zoo with my family and not be thinking about what picture I want to take to post. I am freeing myself of anything that may be holding me back from reaching my potential of happiness. This is my life and I'm living it. 💥💥💥 WHEW!!!!!! Here I go! (So if you have a baby or something exciting, text or email me!)"

Which led to this...

Letting go & living sum up my last month and a half pretty well. There is so much I want to say I wish I could just spill all my thought onto this canvas, but unfortunately my fingers must do the talking and I am constrained to blogging time that will soon be out when I heard a little wail from a little child. But I will get started and hope to capture a minute fraction of what I feel!

I am changed. My life has changed. Who I am has changed. These past few years of motherhood have hugged me and kissed me indeed, but they have also worn me down, chewed me up, swished me around and spit me back out. I found myself with a three year old and a one year old and I was struggling to keep up. With them, with all my responsibilities, with my sanity. I reached a point where something had to give. And thanks be to my loving Heavenly Father that it wasn't anything of eternal worth. I have let go, my friends. You name it - I've probably let go of it. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, worrying, stress, to-do lists, Instagramming, social media, fatigue - LET GO. Yes, I still have to cook and clean, but I have changed my mindset. We live in this house. I have two little children who make messes. I have let go off having the kitchen spick and span every night before I go to bed. I have let go of trying to make the house look perfect if people come over. I have let go of any guilt I had for feeding my sons the same food for two to three meals a day (with minimal variations). I have let go of the worry about when Jude's next EGD will be and how it will turn out and what foods should we introduce and what if he doesn't tolerate them and what if he does and what if he has a reaction and.... I have let go of judgment. I have let go of the phrase, "hurry up!" I have let go of trying to be/look like/feign the ultimate mother. I have let go of any guilt for taking time for MYSELF. I have let go of worrying about the "next thing" I need to do. I have let go of the GAPS diet. I have let go of strict bedtimes. I have let go of guilt for letting Jude watch an episode of Danny Tiger. I have let go of clean clothes every day (or every few days). I have let go of any notion of "doing it all." I have let go of the American cultural standard of a good parent. I have let go of trying to control ANYTHING.

I have let go of

Guilt.

Worry.

Stress.

Hurrying.

I have embraced the mess. I have embraced simple. I have embraced running. I have embraced my friends. I have embraced bike rides with my son. I have embraced sitting around the living room after dinner and just playing although I "should" be getting the kids to bed. I have embraced meaningful talks with my loved ones. I have embraced my flaws and faults and flab. I have embraced my little boys more often and more spontaneously. I have gotten to know my husband again, and stayed up late laughing and looking up dream homes online even though I "should" be getting to bed. I am learning the harmonica because it fills my soul and it IS what I should be doing. I have stayed up until midnight dancing MY HEART OUT with my incredible friends. I have embraced Symphony bars. I have embraced skipping naps for parks and story times. I have embraced a horrificky cracked iPad screen and a messy car. I have accepted the fact that my children will survive if they do not eat 100% organic foods. I have embraced how other cultures parent (it's INCREDIBLY refreshing).

I have embraced

Life.

Love.

Sunshine.

Giggles.

This last month and a half, I have L I V E D. I have lived a joy-filled, undistracted life and I have not posted ONE picture of it online. I've done for my kids. I've done it for my husband. I've done it for MYSELF. I went to Time Out for Women. I started RUNNING. I ran my first (real) 5K today and pushed my two little buddies along with me! I ran two miles pushing two in a stroller and one in the Ergo baby and felt like a rock star. I yelled and screamed my way through a tunnel. I sat on my front porch, with no phone in hand, and read, and played, and ate, and just... sat! I read/listened to BOOKS. Books that changed me. I stayed at the park for an hour after all our friends left. I feel closer to who I was years ago. I have always been a very relaxed, easy-going person but motherhood turned me into a seriously TYPE A mother. That woman is gone and she will not be missed. 

I want my children to remember that their mom DANCED. Their mom SANG. Their mom played that little harmonica will all her heart. Their mom said YES. Their mom let them be dirty boys. Their mom let them dream. Their mom let them try. Their mom believed in them with an undeniable conviction. Their mom was crazy about their dad. Their mom loved and lived life.

I am seriously H A P P Y, people. For real. This works. This is the way to be a person and not just a mom. This is the way to live. I'm happy to share more details of my journey with anyone who would like to join me in my peaceful existence. 

These are the books I read (in this order) that have helped me in my journey. I'd start here.

1. Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider

2. Bebe Day by Day by Pamela Druckerman

3. How Eskimos Keep their Babies Warm by Mei-Ling Hopgood

And the real kicker/cherry-on-top/life-changer/READ THIS ONE IF NOTHING ELSE:

4. Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford

Big happy sigh, guys. Seriously.

A Sun Delay

Life is so sweet. So fragile. The lessons of life are flooding into my little world faster than I can take them in, but even if I'm only getting little sips out of the flood from the water hose, I'm savoring every drop. This water is incredibly sweet, and pure, and hydrating. I was starving from thirst and I didn't even know it.

My days are filled with the sweetest, purest, most irreplaceable moments and I'm trying to learn to truly savor them. The distractions of our technology-obsessed culture can be devastating to families and relationships and happiness. I don't want those meaningless distractions stealing my precious time away. I want my days to be filled with unplanned walks around the neighborhood, last-minute dance parties, Family Home Evenings, primary songs, cuddling in the living room, family meals around the dinner table, hugs and kisses for no reason at all, and simple, enjoyable family outings. 

I'm learning that life is about where you end up, it's about getting there. These last few weeks and months for me I have felt God's love for me through small, easily unnoticeable experiences, and also in unforgettable events. The timing of all my lessons and how much I've needed them makes it clear to me that God is aware of me and that's not even to mention all the humbling lessons and experiences themselves! I'm grateful for all life is teaching me and although I know I'm learning slowly and unsurely, I'm learning!

Friends confiding in me, Jude receiving inspiration, Time Out for Women, General Conference, long talks, little vintage lawn chairs, unplanned photo shoots, the water faucet in the front yard, receiving service, friendly walks and invigorating runs, two big turquoise eyes and two brown ones, hand-written letters, injured dogs, lessons still learning, hearts broken and torn and mending, new running shoes, a motherly visit, a dying, yet life-filled garden, real dates, new running shoes, social media hiatus, a first and a twenty-seventh birthday, Pazookies, an anniversary, a Kiwi dream that died but it still alive, a toddler beach, a life. Four lives that live as one.

Marco!

Spring Break is coming to a bitter end. As devastating as it is, it means we are one step closer to finishing this brutal second year of Optometry School. Rumor has it that it gets easier from here and we may be seeing a little more of the man of the house! 

Jude is overcoming another scary bout with Croup but is coming off victorious this time and has beat it off within a couple days. We are so incredibly PUMPED he is overcoming it and grateful for the prayers uttered on his behalf, the priesthood blessing he received, and his miraculous recovery! (and Albuterol breathing treatments like crazy)

The weather has been perfect these last couple days so we decided to take the boys to Hardberger Park and Salado Creek Trail on a walk. It was beautiful. It was just... ahh, a breath of fresh air. Literally and figuratively! 

Abraham was pointing at everything and we found out he is double jointed in his index finger. I'm not surprised. He's perfect! One of his many gifts. ;) We saw about 20 deer, a few ground squirrels, a hawk, and lots of other little critters. Jude and I went on a little deer chase and got pretty close before they all flipped their white tails up at us and pranced away. Jude and Dan took the last little ways home through the woods and had fun. Jude rode on Dans shoulders for a few minutes and then said, "This is kind of weird, Daddy. I wanna get down." He's so funny. 

Jude was so exhausted after a long day with no nap and still being sick, but he had his heart set on playing in the dirt so he did for a few minutes at the end. 

We just look at these two little boys and stand in awe of how incredible they are. We just love them so much.