You're okay?? Are you sure?

1:00 PM has meant one thing for the last four months... nap time. Jude happy in his crib and Abraham happy in Mama's arms, in Mama's bed, on Mama's bosom. He has grown quite accustomed to this... and so has his mama. 

At first I thought about all the things I could get done if he could "ever" nap by himself and vent to Dan about how I spend hours in that bed and sometimes I get restless.

But let me tell you... those couple hours every day that I spent holding my little angel baby so close are priceless. Beyond priceless. They are the most heavenly moments of my day. He would nuzzle up by me and within a matter of seconds he was off to his sleepy slumber, content and relaxed.

I don't know if I tried to put him to sleep by himself for that nap more than once or twice. That was our time. But Dan and I said, "when he's four months, we'll sleep train him."

Well, four months {and a move} came and the last thing I wanted to do was "sleep train" this precious little creature who preferred to be attached to me. I really didn't mind. Although the moments I had throughout the day to do much of anything were few and far between, and I would often go to bed at 8:30 because he was ready and I didn't have the energy to rock him for hours, and Dan and I have hardly had more than twenty minutes alone together in the last four months... besides that, I didn't mind. I really loved it. He is my constant companion.

We got somewhat settled into our new place and decided the time had come. It kind of happened by accident. I started running a couple nights a week with a friend and while I was gone Dan was in charge. And Mama wasn't there to go to sleep with... so the sleep training began. He cried/whined/self-soothed for 20, 25, even 45 minutes. I would leave the house and run an errand because I could not take it. Last night he self-soothed himself (sang to himself, most precious sounds I've ever heard) for an hour, and finally went to sleep. He is learning at an incredibly fast rate. I used to walk on egg shells to try to get him to sleep in his bed and since we've started he sleep training less than ONE WEEK ago, he is content to be payed down in his bed and doesn't jar awake at the slightest sniffle. (We're not to the point of putting him in awake, yet.) 

So today, 1:00 came and I happily hopped in bed with him for our nap. But he wouldn't fall asleep and after a while I knew he needed to go in his bed. He couldn't sleep by me in broad daylight with everything going on. So I swaddled him, rocked him for a few minutes, and laid him down.

And that was it. He was fine. He nuzzled into the bed happily.

Really, you're okay? You don't need me right now? And now here I am. Laying in our bed, alone. Missing him. Boy, I'm glad I savored and enjoyed those four months of naps with my little baby Abraham. I will never regret all the dinners I didn't make and the messy house because I spent the most priceless hours with my dear little child that I could never get back.

A new lease... on life!

I know the title is cheesy, but sometimes you just have to embrace it. We are all moved into our new place and thoroughly loving it. The grass really is greener over here! We are grateful to have all the space we need and more (a garage and an attic!), a little backyard for Jude with lots of windows so I can watch him while he plays, a washer and dryer located so conveniently a few steps from the bedrooms, and a spacious kitchen that is just asking to be cooked in.

We absolutely LOVE it here! Not to mention, we literally live on the same street as four of our good friends. It's a little slice of heaven!

Around the same time we moved, we completely overhauled the way we eat. It is liberating and invigorating. Up until this point, I was the poster child of "picky-eater." To me, a salad was lettuce and ranch and I rarely ate them at all. I "didn't like" tomatoes, avocados, peppers, cucumbers, sweet potatoes, and the list went on. Through many factors but especially a book referral from a friend ("Super Nutrition for Babies"), and in doing my own research while studying things about Jude's situation and allergies in general, I have changed. It is definitely not something that can happen overnight and I feel like for me, it's taken years of slowly shaping me to where I am now ready to change how I eat and how I look at food. And let me tell you... it feels good. It feels good to enjoy a salad and a sweet potato for dinner and not be craving my next dose of Bluebell. I have no intention or desire to stop eating ice cream or chocolate, I just need to be in control of it as opposed to it controlling me! I used to feel intimated by making a good, healthy dinner or salad but it is now not just doable but empowering! 

Dan has been training to dunk with a friend and is so active and healthy and it is definitely rubbing off on me, too! I went running with a friend last night and we are going to make it a habit! 

Real food is incredible. It has the potential to enable our bodies to do so much more. We are really doing a disservice to ourselves when we eat poorly.

There has been a lot going on over here, some good and some bad, and I can't share it all, but I can share this!

My sweet mama and papa bears came out to visit and we had a lovely time with them. The highlight, for me, was an afternoon at the La Cantera Resort pool with my dear little family. That place takes the cake. I went down the slide and felt like a kid again. We were just swimming and jumping and splashing and life in that moment was absolutely perfect. They say money can't buy happiness, but access to the La Cantera pool sure wouldn't hurt. Did I mention there was a fire pit right by the pool with ALL YOU CAN EAT SMORES?! You heard right. It was a dream come true for this little lady. Whew. They know how to party.

Abraham enjoyed his first swim. He really seemed to enjoy it. And Jude was just a little fish. He is so comfortable in the water and loved going down the slide and even went through the waterfall! He loved the beach-like entry and would just run in and out. All while Mimi and Papa chaperoned on the lounge chairs. Seriously, this day was heaven!

So... Cheers. To healthy eating, to summer, to loving life, and to s'mores!

Life lately.

Life has been good. Like, really good. Like, so good that I don't even want to talk about it out loud for fear that I will jinx it. But I think the good should be shared. So, I shall.

I still chew ice all the time. But I love it. Love it. I tried to give i/t up, but I can't. It's my coffee/cigarettes/whatever else people love/need. It's one of life's little joys for me. And although I know it is bad for my teeth, it is also my main source of fluid intake for the day. Like, 8 cups of water per day through ice. So, that's how I justify. It's not all bad.

As an update to a previous post where we found a townhome across the street that we thought maybe if crazy dreams came true, we could move into it.

And guess what.

IT'S HAPPENING. There is a copy of the lease in my inbox and it is sitting pretty waiting for us to take over on June 10th. And guess what else? I was speaking with the lady (very official term) and she told me she was waiting on the painters to come because she wanted to give it a fresh coat of paint. And I just MENTIONED that I adore white paint and white walls and would be tickled pink if she could drop a note with the painters for white. And she said she would. CHA-CHANG. I hope to never see a beige wall again. UGH.

So we are packing. And it's not tons of fun, but what's waiting is! A three-bedroom townhome with a garage and a backyard and a washer and dryer and an open kitchen and two and half baths and... sighhh. I'm pretty excited.

And lately, after Abraham falls asleep for "our" nap in my bed, I sneak away! And then I am all by myself to do whatever I please! (Like eat ice while blogging) It's pretty exciting.

And lately, Abraham doesn't have to nap every hour and we can run errands without the world spinning out of control. We took a Whole Foods trip the other day and it was quite pleasant, actually. 

AND... This is a big one... Dan had like,  A MONTH break from school. No school. No work. Just being a husband and daddy and it has been so dreamy. And then this week he started his research job with his school and it just happens to be the most incredible job ever. Like, he gets paid a set amount for the "8 week" research project. Even though some days he only goes in for three hours! And can do some stuff from home! It's just too good. 

I went back to work and... I didn't die. I survived it all and pumped and all was well. I even asked my friends to drive my to work a couple times so Dan could bring me the baby at lunch time to nurse! I was soo dreading going back to work and missing my babies so badly. But it turned out okay and on my third day back I was a big girl and went through the day all by myself. But, THANK YOU TIM & NIKKI!! They are the greatest, kindest people!

And the other big one that's pretty much taking over my life lately...

Through the introduction of a friend and other things, I am having some great realizations. I am realizing how i need to be eating and feeding my family and why it is so important. What I'm learning is incredible. Why organic. Why NON-GMO. How these things are harming us. Why so many allergies today. Etc. I feel empowered by my knowledge and my new desires for change.

WAPF (Weston A. Price Foundation)

So much to say about that ^^^^. I will share more on my blog but not today. Please google it.

Baby crying, must go!

A smile.

As an update to my last post, Jude had his EGD on April 24, 2014. The long-awaited day finally arrived and it could not have gone more smoothly. It's about a five minute drive to the outpatient center where we had it done and the staff were soo good to us. Jude was such a good sport, as always, and didn't complain about us having to wake him up early and wait for a couple hours without being able to eat or drink anything. We know our prayers and the prayers of many friends and family were answered this day. We really felt extra strength with us.

This was probably our smoothest EGD yet. It was our fourth. They let me take Jude all the way into the Operating Room (Scope Room?). I stood by his side, the anesthesiologist put the mask on him, and before he could even fight it he was asleep. He never had to remember me leaving him or even being in that room. They only take about fifteen minutes. It doesn't take long to look at such a tiny little tummy. We anxiously await in the waiting room waiting on the results. The first three times it was not good. We were so hopeful that maybe this time would be different.

We were sitting on the far end of the waiting room and before we knew it Dr. Brigman opened the door. I popped up and waved so she would know where we were. I will never forget seeing this cute lady eagerly trekking across the waiting room with a big smile on her face. I think I turned to Dan and said, "She's smiling!!" There was so much hope. I don't remember exactly what she said, but in a few words she told us that he was all healed and looked "perfect." I instantly burst into tears of joy! I kept asking her in ten different ways to tell me again. We skipped back to the post-operative area and we got to see our baby, who was still under the effects of the anesthesia. They pulled a rocking chair over for me to sit in and put Jude facing me on my lap. He didn't have a hard time recovering like last time. We brought some frozen fruit juice popsicles for him and he munched on those and really liked them. I'm sure they felt good on his sore throat. He was a doll and we were all on cloud nine, including little Abe who was more than willing to go along for the ride and support his big brother and bestest buddy.

Our faithful friend, George, came along for moral support.

So, it looked good but we still didn't know for sure until the biopsy results came back. I got a call while at the park with a bunch of friends and, after having not left my phone for days awaiting this phone call... I missed it. I called the number back and they said their office was closed on Fridays and there was no way to leave a message or speak to anyone unless you pressed the number saying you were a doctor. So I pretended to be a doctor for a second to get through and they were able to transfer me to the nurse. She told me she had good news and that he had ZERO EOSINOPHILS! This was our big goal from day one and we finally achieved it. I don't remember the exact numbers, but he had 80 on his first biopsy (80 thousand, or million, or something.. per high powered field). The second time he had 60 something, the third time he had 25.

So now he is perfectly healed on the inside. We know take him off the steroid he was on (Pulmicort slurry) for about a month and a half... and then the fun begins. We redo allergy testing in mid-June and then start reintroducing foods! The doctor wants to get some hearty things in his diet so, if he tests negative for these things, we will start out with

beans,

rice,

&potatoes!

HELLO! It's very exciting. We will give him beans for one week and if all seems well, we will add rice the next week. If all goes well again, we will add potatoes and then have another EGD. And if it is still clear with zero eosinophils, we will know those foods are safe for him and then we can do it again with more foods! If it is bad again, then that is a huge bummer because you have to take away these foods he was just enjoying. The way I understand it, some people with EoE do well and are able to add more and more foods and it's almost like a positive feedback cycle. While some just continue to reject almost everything they try to add and are left with only a few foods they can eat. Let's hope for the first scenario. I am hopeful this will be the case with Jude since his Eosinophil count went down with each EGD and the second to last one was almost clear. I like to hope there were only one or two things in his diet then that were causing the irritation. We just need to figure out what those things are. I hope he will continue to "grow out" of his allergies and eventually he will have a relatively normal diet and not have to rely so heavily on Neocate for his nutrition.

We are so excited and grateful beyond expression for how he is progressing and how this last EGD went!!! Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes. We truly felt your strength. We are looking forward to our next step and will keep you posted!

One order of toe jam, please.

Let's talk about toe jam. The toe jam of a certain someone, even. 

This little guy has an affinity for toe and finger jam since he was brand new. He has an impressively strong grip and holds on tight to every little cotton/fuzz ball that comes his way. Combine that with his sweaty nature and you have a no-fail recipe. There have been times Dan has given him a bath and as we're getting him dressed we notice big globs of finger jam in his hands. Trying to pry it out is no easy task. I don't know if finger jam has a bad rap, but this boy is turning things around because 

his

jam

smells

incredible.

I want to bottle it up and keep it forever. It's like that brand new newborn smell. You just savor it because you know it won't last long. OH! I just remembered it for a second and sigh, my heart. Even if he doesn't have any jam, the inside of his little hands just have the most precious little aroma. As I type this, little Abraham is laying right next to me on my arm with his hand on top of my nose and I am just savoring this little smell. It is indescribable, indeed. I may not always remember exactly how it smelled, but I will always remember loving it and how it reminds me of his innocence and sheer perfection. 

Those lips. Just look at those lips. They are so slippery and soft and just waiting to give Mommy a big wet one. 

And the cheeks. Let's talk about the cheeks... So soft. So squishy. I love to squish my cheek up against his and go to my own little heaven for a second. 

"Happy... Brother's! Day! Abe."

Best friends.

When dreams (might) come true.

Sometimes I dream about dreams that seem like just that, dreams. But life is too practical and too expensive and too far, or whatever it may be, to make those dreams reality.

And then sometimes, just sometimes, you decide you can make that dream real. And you pray that things will fall into place if it's right, and they DO. They do!!! And that far-off, "maybe someday" dream becomes a "where do I sign?" JUNE 10TH dream!!!

And periods replace all those question marks in the many "what if's?" and the "I don't want to get my hopes up; it probably won't work outs..." turn into "is this really working out?!?!s" 

And now my hopes are up and I'm just crossing my fingers waiting for Tuesday at 11:00... when we tour our possibly new apartment! That is e v e r y t h i n g we wanted... and more. Like... washer and dryer, backyard, garage, three-bedroom, open non-galley style kitchen, white-walled perfection. Oh, and did I mention four of our good friends live on the same street?!?! 

We decided a lovely quality of life is a worth a little bit more a month. We sent in our applications without even seeing the property! HELLO! When it's hot, it's hot, and you gotta jump! 

We are touring it Tuesday morning at 11:00 and if we like it and we are the first ones to have sent in an application... It's ours!!!

We move a lot.

But after this, hopefully not for three more years! Because we will be SO HAPPY there!!!