ABRAHAM @ 15 months

This little boy has the best little personality. He is witty, determined, mischievous, loving, and strong. He has the most heart-melting little smile. He'll look at me (or anybody) with that smile and my heart is his! He is very smart. He says mom, dad, dog, doggy, ball, Tubby, bubble, double, NO, hi, and thank you! He very much has his own opinion about everything. He is also very tough and picks himself back up when he falls, and when he cries he gets over it within seconds and usually all on his own. He is very independent and also very coordinated. Since he was probably about 9 months old he intuitively turns around and scoots backwards when he's getting off a bed, crawling down stairs, going down a curb (even if it's a one-inch curb), or going down the slope of a driveway. He has been walking pretty well since about 13 months old and now he is getting more confident and will walk down driveways normally. He is still reluctant about stairs, thank goodness! In all reality he is very coordinated and has good balance and I think a lot of it is because I have tried to be very hands-off with him and let him tumble and fall so he has learned how to be careful. I was very much a "helicopter mom" with Jude and it's been interesting to see how different their personalities and development is. It's hard to know how much of it is "nature" and how much is "nurture." Anyways, Abraham is seriously such a special little boy. He has so much personality. He loves his mama and daddy so much. He loves to play with Dan. Dan will lay down on the ground and Abraham will come over and and climb on him and bounce on him and give him strawberries (raspberries, I don't know why we call them strawberries). But he always wants to be around his mama. He still nurses a few times a day and when I ask, "do you want to nurse?" he throws down whatever he was playing with and runs over to me with a big smile on his face. He is a great eater. He eats pretty much anything and everything! He eats exactly the same as Jude except I also give him raw milk, homemade yogurt made from raw milk, Kerrygold butter, eggs, and occasionally some other organic meat if we are eating it. He has never eaten any grains or processed foods and he is as healthy as a horse! It is so nice because he has never tasted those artificially sweet and processed foods so to him, berries, bananas, and nectarines or peaches are the biggest treat! 

He loves running around and playing outside. We are visiting my parents right now and he loves to play around the pool. He will grab something walk over the pool and throw it in and then look back at us as his mischievous little smile. Then he will get down on his tummy and reach her and try to grab it out. We put the little puddle jumper life jacket on him and although it's too big for him he fearlessly jumps off the stop in right into the deep part of the pool and actually does a pretty good job swimming around! When he doesn't have his life jacket on he very cautiously walks through the water on the shallow step and splash with the biggest smile on his face. 

 

He gives the absolute BEST kisses! He gives them when you ask but maybe only once every 20 times you ask! He has to be in the kiss-giving mood. If he does, it makes it that much better! He will turn you with his open mouth and go "mmmmm.....muah!!" If I give him a kiss and just keep saying, "mmmm....." He will just wait and wait until I say "muah!!" 

He and Jude love each other and I can definitely see that bond forming, but they also have their fair share of tiffs. They are (constantly) hitting and pushing each other, taking toys from each other, and somehow always seem to find a way to offend the other. Abraham is still a little too young to understand how Jude plays so they still have trouble playing together really well. They certainly have their precious moments where they play and laugh and hug and share and those are PRICELESS!!

We love our little boy so much. He is the perfect addition to our family and I can not imagine life without him!! 

Letting go & LIVING

It all started with an exhausted, worn-out, frustrated, running on a hamster wheel mama. (Me) She took it out on her innocent spouse, broke down, talked, talked, and talked some more, and ended up with a vision. A dream of how things could be. And should be. Which led to a new start and an Instagram post that means so much more than just an Instagram post...

"I had a life-changing, eye-opening experience yesterday and I have realized so much about myself and how I approach life and do the things I do. Motherhood has truly changed me and I've spiraled into a mindset of too much worry and not enough carefree laughter and living. I am moving forward with a new breath of life. I am giving myself permission to take it easy and not be so ridiculously hard on myself. I am taking time to pursue my own hobbies (hobbies?!). I am learning to play the harmonica. I am learning how to refinish furniture and work with wood. I am going to go to the park more and walk and run and have picnics. I am going to spend money occasionally to go to the museum or do other activities with the kids (over-frugality issues). I am going to take my vitamins every day and prioritize healthy eating for MYSELF. I am going to wear my hot pink lipstick and floral rompers with confidence. I am going to stop using Jude's allergies as a crutch to live less. I am going to advocate for my own happiness and well-being. In doing so I will move closer to the mother and wife I want to be (which has been all I've wanted all along) and my most cherished ones will undoubtedly benefit as much as I will. I will no longer waste one SINGLE moment looking down at my phone viewing other people's lives when I should be living MY OWN. I've realized although Instagram may bring a smile to face, it is not enriching my life as much as my life would be enlivened by simply LIVING it. I am going to delete my Instagram for two months and then reassess. I am going to just ENJOY my day at the museum or the zoo with my family and not be thinking about what picture I want to take to post. I am freeing myself of anything that may be holding me back from reaching my potential of happiness. This is my life and I'm living it. 💥💥💥 WHEW!!!!!! Here I go! (So if you have a baby or something exciting, text or email me!)"

Which led to this...

Letting go & living sum up my last month and a half pretty well. There is so much I want to say I wish I could just spill all my thought onto this canvas, but unfortunately my fingers must do the talking and I am constrained to blogging time that will soon be out when I heard a little wail from a little child. But I will get started and hope to capture a minute fraction of what I feel!

I am changed. My life has changed. Who I am has changed. These past few years of motherhood have hugged me and kissed me indeed, but they have also worn me down, chewed me up, swished me around and spit me back out. I found myself with a three year old and a one year old and I was struggling to keep up. With them, with all my responsibilities, with my sanity. I reached a point where something had to give. And thanks be to my loving Heavenly Father that it wasn't anything of eternal worth. I have let go, my friends. You name it - I've probably let go of it. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, worrying, stress, to-do lists, Instagramming, social media, fatigue - LET GO. Yes, I still have to cook and clean, but I have changed my mindset. We live in this house. I have two little children who make messes. I have let go off having the kitchen spick and span every night before I go to bed. I have let go of trying to make the house look perfect if people come over. I have let go of any guilt I had for feeding my sons the same food for two to three meals a day (with minimal variations). I have let go of the worry about when Jude's next EGD will be and how it will turn out and what foods should we introduce and what if he doesn't tolerate them and what if he does and what if he has a reaction and.... I have let go of judgment. I have let go of the phrase, "hurry up!" I have let go of trying to be/look like/feign the ultimate mother. I have let go of any guilt for taking time for MYSELF. I have let go of worrying about the "next thing" I need to do. I have let go of the GAPS diet. I have let go of strict bedtimes. I have let go of guilt for letting Jude watch an episode of Danny Tiger. I have let go of clean clothes every day (or every few days). I have let go of any notion of "doing it all." I have let go of the American cultural standard of a good parent. I have let go of trying to control ANYTHING.

I have let go of

Guilt.

Worry.

Stress.

Hurrying.

I have embraced the mess. I have embraced simple. I have embraced running. I have embraced my friends. I have embraced bike rides with my son. I have embraced sitting around the living room after dinner and just playing although I "should" be getting the kids to bed. I have embraced meaningful talks with my loved ones. I have embraced my flaws and faults and flab. I have embraced my little boys more often and more spontaneously. I have gotten to know my husband again, and stayed up late laughing and looking up dream homes online even though I "should" be getting to bed. I am learning the harmonica because it fills my soul and it IS what I should be doing. I have stayed up until midnight dancing MY HEART OUT with my incredible friends. I have embraced Symphony bars. I have embraced skipping naps for parks and story times. I have embraced a horrificky cracked iPad screen and a messy car. I have accepted the fact that my children will survive if they do not eat 100% organic foods. I have embraced how other cultures parent (it's INCREDIBLY refreshing).

I have embraced

Life.

Love.

Sunshine.

Giggles.

This last month and a half, I have L I V E D. I have lived a joy-filled, undistracted life and I have not posted ONE picture of it online. I've done for my kids. I've done it for my husband. I've done it for MYSELF. I went to Time Out for Women. I started RUNNING. I ran my first (real) 5K today and pushed my two little buddies along with me! I ran two miles pushing two in a stroller and one in the Ergo baby and felt like a rock star. I yelled and screamed my way through a tunnel. I sat on my front porch, with no phone in hand, and read, and played, and ate, and just... sat! I read/listened to BOOKS. Books that changed me. I stayed at the park for an hour after all our friends left. I feel closer to who I was years ago. I have always been a very relaxed, easy-going person but motherhood turned me into a seriously TYPE A mother. That woman is gone and she will not be missed. 

I want my children to remember that their mom DANCED. Their mom SANG. Their mom played that little harmonica will all her heart. Their mom said YES. Their mom let them be dirty boys. Their mom let them dream. Their mom let them try. Their mom believed in them with an undeniable conviction. Their mom was crazy about their dad. Their mom loved and lived life.

I am seriously H A P P Y, people. For real. This works. This is the way to be a person and not just a mom. This is the way to live. I'm happy to share more details of my journey with anyone who would like to join me in my peaceful existence. 

These are the books I read (in this order) that have helped me in my journey. I'd start here.

1. Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider

2. Bebe Day by Day by Pamela Druckerman

3. How Eskimos Keep their Babies Warm by Mei-Ling Hopgood

And the real kicker/cherry-on-top/life-changer/READ THIS ONE IF NOTHING ELSE:

4. Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford

Big happy sigh, guys. Seriously.

A Sun Delay

Life is so sweet. So fragile. The lessons of life are flooding into my little world faster than I can take them in, but even if I'm only getting little sips out of the flood from the water hose, I'm savoring every drop. This water is incredibly sweet, and pure, and hydrating. I was starving from thirst and I didn't even know it.

My days are filled with the sweetest, purest, most irreplaceable moments and I'm trying to learn to truly savor them. The distractions of our technology-obsessed culture can be devastating to families and relationships and happiness. I don't want those meaningless distractions stealing my precious time away. I want my days to be filled with unplanned walks around the neighborhood, last-minute dance parties, Family Home Evenings, primary songs, cuddling in the living room, family meals around the dinner table, hugs and kisses for no reason at all, and simple, enjoyable family outings. 

I'm learning that life is about where you end up, it's about getting there. These last few weeks and months for me I have felt God's love for me through small, easily unnoticeable experiences, and also in unforgettable events. The timing of all my lessons and how much I've needed them makes it clear to me that God is aware of me and that's not even to mention all the humbling lessons and experiences themselves! I'm grateful for all life is teaching me and although I know I'm learning slowly and unsurely, I'm learning!

Friends confiding in me, Jude receiving inspiration, Time Out for Women, General Conference, long talks, little vintage lawn chairs, unplanned photo shoots, the water faucet in the front yard, receiving service, friendly walks and invigorating runs, two big turquoise eyes and two brown ones, hand-written letters, injured dogs, lessons still learning, hearts broken and torn and mending, new running shoes, a motherly visit, a dying, yet life-filled garden, real dates, new running shoes, social media hiatus, a first and a twenty-seventh birthday, Pazookies, an anniversary, a Kiwi dream that died but it still alive, a toddler beach, a life. Four lives that live as one.

Marco!

Spring Break is coming to a bitter end. As devastating as it is, it means we are one step closer to finishing this brutal second year of Optometry School. Rumor has it that it gets easier from here and we may be seeing a little more of the man of the house! 

Jude is overcoming another scary bout with Croup but is coming off victorious this time and has beat it off within a couple days. We are so incredibly PUMPED he is overcoming it and grateful for the prayers uttered on his behalf, the priesthood blessing he received, and his miraculous recovery! (and Albuterol breathing treatments like crazy)

The weather has been perfect these last couple days so we decided to take the boys to Hardberger Park and Salado Creek Trail on a walk. It was beautiful. It was just... ahh, a breath of fresh air. Literally and figuratively! 

Abraham was pointing at everything and we found out he is double jointed in his index finger. I'm not surprised. He's perfect! One of his many gifts. ;) We saw about 20 deer, a few ground squirrels, a hawk, and lots of other little critters. Jude and I went on a little deer chase and got pretty close before they all flipped their white tails up at us and pranced away. Jude and Dan took the last little ways home through the woods and had fun. Jude rode on Dans shoulders for a few minutes and then said, "This is kind of weird, Daddy. I wanna get down." He's so funny. 

Jude was so exhausted after a long day with no nap and still being sick, but he had his heart set on playing in the dirt so he did for a few minutes at the end. 

We just look at these two little boys and stand in awe of how incredible they are. We just love them so much.

They love me.

I just can not even begin to express how grateful I am for my boys. It is unbelievably humbling to be their mother. Motherhood is HARDCORE, people. I understand why Jesus said to be like the little children because they forgive instantly, do not hold grudges, and love unconditionally. How did I get to be so lucky to be both of their favorites? They are definitely mama's boys and I am just smitten by these two. These last few days have been stressful and unfortunately I have not been handling it as well as I wish I had. I have been impatient and definitely not as loving as they deserve! At one point, I grabbed Jude and told him I was so sorry and I love him so much. He just said, in the most upbeat, cheerful voice. "It's okay, Mommy! It's okay! I love you!" He was just completely forgiving and it was just the most sincere expression of love. I was so touched by his affection and forgiveness. I prayed and got a little sleep and had a much better day today. (And thank you to my dear husband who made and fed the boys and cleaned up dinner while I went out for a little white.) We have been playing "firemen." Abraham is "Fireman Small" (named after a book from the library). I said to Jude, "since Abraham is Fireman Small, you can be Fireman Tall!" He put his hand out and said, "no, no I'm not fireman tall. I'm medium tall. I'm fireman medium tall." So Abraham is Fireman Small, Jude is Fireman Medium-Tall, Daddy is Fireman Tall, and I'm Firemama." We crawl around the upstairs extinguishing fires and rescuing and treated the injured animals. At one point, I stopped and said, "I'm a little nervous..." And he very dutifully put down his fireman glasses and his hose/ax and grabbed me in the biggest bear hug and reassuringly said, "I'm here. I'm here. You're brave, Mama." My heart just exploded. He has the most incredible little imagination.

He is soo loving and affectionate. I am so lucky. He probably gives me about 20 kisses a day. Like sweet, soft, hold my cheeks kisses. He always wants to be by me or sit on my lap or hold my hand. He has still been a little under the weather so he is extra cuddly and I love it. A few weeks ago we were working on something and he called me honey. Something like, "don't forget this one, honey." It was so funny. And when he is helping Abraham or trying to teach him something, he calls him son. "Come get this piece, son." It's so cute. He'll say, "I Daddy's son, Abraham my son." He says words like "interesting," or "that's hilarious!" Hos memory is still surprising me. The other day I mentioned the Easter Bunny and he recounted in detail the Easter Bunny that they had at our old apartments Easter Party ELEVEN months ago and we have literally not mentioned once since!! He'll tell a story and start with, "The other day...." and then tell all about it, and then say, "When was that?"

The other day Jude grabbed my phone and clicked to make Sori turn on and he asked her, "When's Daddy going to get home?" Siri said, "I do not know who your father is." And Jude said, "It's Dan!!" They both seemed to get a little frazzled after having that same conversation over and over again. Needless to say, Siri was no help! He asks "Why?" About 50-100 times a day (or it feels like it.) the why's snowball and I oftentimes have NO idea what the answer is to his questions. "Why the construction worker moving that dirt? Where are they going to take it? Is there a wrecking ball on that crane? Whee do the construction workers live? Why can't I wear my socks outside? (Because they'll get wet.) Why will they get wet? (Because it's raining.) Why is it raining?" It goes on and on! He is so curious and smart. I love him so.

Abraham is SOMETHING else. We are so obsessed with kissing his soft, chubby cheeks. He is mischievous. He has mastered the stairs and I let him climb up and down them freely at his own will. I always have to keep the bathroom doors closed because, if left open, he will notice in a matter of seconds and book it to the toilet, lift the lid, and splash in the toilet water. He knows he is not supposed to do it and if caught in the act, he will stop and smile! When I'm reading to Jude for bedtime, I let him roam around and he will usually stay upstairs. The other day it had been a minute since I'd heard him so I went to look for him. He was all the way downstairs with his tummy on Judes tall Radio Flyer tricycle holding onto the handrails ringing the bell (over the tile). I can not leave the bike out or the kitchen stool. He is a climber and a good one! He is impressive balance and rarely falls. He surprised me a few weeks ago when I was holding him about to do a breathing treatment (croup scare) and he attempted to put the mouthpiece of the nebulizer into the canister part. Who knew?! He can (messily) feed himself with a spoon. He tries so hard to put blocks together and will be there in no time. He waves. He holds the phone up to his face to talk. He gives strawberries and will wrestle and go "aahhh" and attack you with big kisses if we are playing. He has the most scrumptious round little bottom and a close-up picture of it is the background on my phone. He LOVES the tub and has absolutely no fear. He will reach up to the shelf I thought he surely could not reach and grab the baby shampoo and be on his tip toes. He will climb and slop and slide and fall full-face under the water and pop himself right back up without flinching.

Tonight I was changing his diaper for bed and I didn't even notice he was holding Jude's water bottle. He was being extra quiet and less-squirmy and I noticed he was "taking sips" and pouring cold water all over himself. I let him for a while then after he was getting all wet I grabbed it to take it away. When I grabbed it a forceful stream SHOT out at him and sprayed him with a long stream of water right in the open eyeball. He did not flinch or whine or cry in the least. I got a good belly laugh out of that one! He loves musical instruments and will grab the kazoo and sing into it and then put it my mouth and have me sing then take his turn, then mine, and this will go on and on. He LOVES eating and it seems like he is always hungry.he has always been a garbage disposal and within the last few weeks has become more picky. Don't you dare let him see a banana without giving him one or he will have a full-fledged tantrum. "Nana! Nana!" Was one of his first words at 6.5 months old!! Jude will feed him sometimes and it is the most precious thing. Jude is such a sweet big brother and really looks out for Abraham. Abraham is definitely feisty and holds his own and will randomly hit Jude and pull his hair and it is obviously intentional! I used to say, "it's okay, Jude, babies don't know." But we're getting to the point where he definitely knows! Now Jude always says, "It's okay. Babies don't know..." For all sorts of things (like splashing in the toilet.) and now for cats and dogs and whatever else. "it's okay, Mommy. Cats don't know." Jude always recounts things that happen and he tells them in GREAT detail. It is very impressive. "I woke up. I called for Mommy. Mommy came in. I smiled at Mommy. Mommy grabbed me. Mommy asked me how was my night. I said I slept good. We came downstairs..." 

They are starting to play together more and more and it is so fun. They love their little red car and sometimes will push from behind while the other one rides.

Like I said, being their mother is so humbling. I love them so much and although I fall short, I'm trying harder to be a better mother every day. This is the hardest job, but I wouldn't change it for anything. 

Abraham, Abraham, Abraham.

There is so much to be said about my Abraham. I could write for days and days! Unfortunately, I have a few more minutes until one of my boys wake up, so I will write what I can and hopefully continue it later. I wish I was better at doing my monthly posts, but goodness... it's harder than it seems! Life has taken us over the last month and a half and not been kind! I will, maybe, get into more of that later. But we are working our way out of it and trying to enjoy the little things in life!

Abraham is truly an angelic, content little boy. My mom says that Heavenly Father sent me a low-maintenance child because he knew everything I was doing with Jude. THANK YOU!!! I am truly grateful for his mild demeanor. Here we go... everything I can think to share about my boy!

He eats anything and everything. He eats mostly everything Jude eats but we also give him Kerrygold butter and yogurt made out of raw milk. Also, some grass-fed beef and other things that Dan and I may be eating that Jude can't have at the time. He has never had a bite of baby food or grains or processed foods! He eats only organic and as close to the Weston A. Price foundation guidelines as we can. We have learned so much in the last few years with everything that has gone on with Jude. We are doing things a lot differently this time around! We are sticking with meats, vegetables, fruit, dairy, eggs, homemade bone broth and fats for now. He is always happy to eat and never turns food down. Really, he would eat and eat for hours if we let him! After a while, we just stop feeding him because he would never stop. We are so thankful for a good eater with a good appetite! If I make something for Jude and he doesn't finish it, I can always count on Abraham to finish it off. One time I made Jude some broccoli and it fell all over the floor as I was taking it to him. Because of Jude's allergies, I couldn't feed it to him so... I gave it to Abraham! He's still a great little nurser and loves to nurse, but mostly when he's tired. He doesn't love nursing quite as much as Jude did, who would have exclusively nursed for every meal had I let him!

He is a great sleeper! That is another thing I have approached completely differently with Abraham. I didn't even know what a "sleep schedule" or "sleep training" was until Jude was about ten months old! Eek! I reread "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" when I was pregnant with Abraham and reread the applicable parts when he was a few months old. He was not an easy sleeper the first few months of life and had to sleep in my arms. We sleep-trained him at four months old and it has been great ever since! He goes to bed at 6:30 - 7:00 pm and sleeps twelve hours in his bed. I used to rock Jude for what felt like hours/nurse him for hours/rock him next to his crib while nursing standing up! (Why?!) Now I nurse Abraham in bed, take him into the bathroom where his pack n play is where he sleeps, rock him for about 30 seconds and lay him down. Once I lay him down, I will not get him again or look back. I just lay him down and leave. At first he would cry every time but now he usually lays down happily, turns on his side, and sticks his little thumb in his mouth. If he cries, he flips over onto his hands and knees and starts rocking backing forth and moans/sings to himself. It is so great. Then usually sleeps another half-hour to an hour with me in the morning in my bed. So he usually sleeps about 13 hours every night! Then he takes a nap around 10:00 and a nap around 2:00. Sometimes they are only half an hour or so and sometimes they are an hour and a half! I wish he napped longer but I know once he switches to one nap he will sleep longer. It will be so incredibly wonderful when the boys nap during  the same time. Right now they are pretty much on completely opposite schedules!

Dan watched the boys when I work and it has been so great for them. It is always such a bonding experience and I'm so glad Dan has had the opportunity to take care of them for extended periods of time. He will watch Abraham (and Jude) sometimes from first thing in the morning and then put him down for bed at night. He is such a wonderful father and I'm so grateful for him. Abraham has always been a mama's boy and sometimes didn't want to go to Dan as much. After Dan watched him more and more, he really warmed up to him and bonded with him. Here's is Dan's recollection of some of his favorite memories of watching him:

"When I get him out of bed, he just hugs me so tight and rubs the back of my neck and gives me a big squeeze. When we're playing, he'd just crawl over onto my lap and just want me to hold him and lay on me. He loves playing the guitar and every time I play the guitar for him, he gets so excited and comes over and tries to play it and dances and bounces up and down. He would want to come to me more and smile and look at me more after I watched him for those few days. He's so happy and I love teaching him how to crawl and walk and stand. He always likes looking out the back window into the backyard."

Starting around December 20, Dan worked with Abraham and he has been standing up to ten seconds by himself! Yesterday he took his first step after standing on his own! He is crawling so fast. Abraham's favorite thing to do with Jude is probably when Jude gets on his hands and knees too and chases Abraham around. Abraham just starts to giggle and laugh and crawls away as fast as he can. Sometimes when he's crawling and gets going too fast he gets ahead of himself and just plops right onto his tummy.

He is such a social little smiler. Papa calls his "smiles." Anytime someone calls his name, he looks over at them and looks into their eyes and smiles. He is such a happy, pleasant little guy. He has the biggest, darkest eye and the softest cheeks that are just heaven to kiss. When we're holding him we'll say "give me a kiss, Abe" and he'll grab your face with one hand on each side and give us a big open-mouth smooch. It is pretty nice.

We are so grateful to have this little guy in our family. He is such a special little boy and a perfect addition to our little clan. It is so fun (and sad) to see him growing so quickly and see his little personality develop.

That bond.

I've been working every night this week from about 10:45am-8:00pm. Tonight I was running behind, and I told Dan to not wait up for me to put Jude to bed. Earlier this morning I had told Jude I would be home to put him to bed tonight and we would read stories together. (To which he always replies, "a bunch?!" And I reply, "yes, a bunch." To which he replies, "In the family living room?" To which I reply, "Yes, under the lights of the Christmas tree!" And then everyone is happy.)

So Dan told me Jude was very sad that I wasn't going to be home to put him to bed. He is famous for this line... "I want Mommy put me to bed!" (And that is very literal. He's okay with Dan getting him all ready for bed but he wants me to be the one to physically lay him down in his bed. It is so funny.) He kept saying, "Mommy said she would put me to bed!!" And Dan said he was just so down. He told him I got held up at work and was so sorry. They went upstairs and after he brushed his teeth, Jude got a big frown on his face and just BURST into tears as he realized I really wasn't going to be home to put him to bed! 

My heart was literally broken and pained and when Dan told me this I could hardly take it. I showered as quickly as possible and hurried into his room. I stared at the precious little soul who made me a mother with so much love and gratitude. I gently caressed his little tummy and a little hint of a smile appeared on his face when he looked at me as his little eyes eventually opened. I scooped him up and told him that I missed him so. He mumbled a reply. We laid down in our spot in the teepee and he just melted right over me, creating the most delicious tummy sandwich. Both my arms were wrapped around him and his little face was nuzzled up so close to mine. I felt his soft, smooth breaths. I heard his little mouth smack open and shut. I grasped his little body in my arms and felt overwhelmed with the adoring love only a mother understands.

That is what waits for me when I get home. A little boy who absolutely adores me and loves his mama more than anything else. I am so humbled by our tender little relationship. I laid him back down in his bed after squeezing his little body so tight against mine. I leaned over and kissed him. He looked up at me and I told him, "I love you so much, baby." He mumbled back, "I love you." Then I caressed his little face and stole one last kiss. I all but wept inside as I looked down at that beautiful little baby!

Sigh. Working is pretty stinky, but moments like that make it all worth it.